NOKIA & I

Helooooooooooooooooooo

Thank God for keeping us alive because without him we wouldn’t be where we are today.
Join me to sing this song to our Maker, Redeemer and Friend

You are Alpha and Omega
We worship you our God
You are worthy to be praised

We give you all that glory
We worship you our God
You are worthy to be praised.

Ok I am praising God because in everything you must thank God but I am not happy at all.

I had always been an advocate of NOKIA handsets and I’ve never used any other phone type since GSM became a reality in naija.

From 3310 to N80 I have used them all.


- one got stolen at an Owanbe parri
- Gave one out.
- Sold out a couple of them (at a cheaper bargain of course.)

I’m digressing jare, when I bought this bloody nokia N80 in last year,( May precisely) I thought I had purchased the best bargain of a century.
I was planning to rock the phone for a while then sell off and get another cute phone.

Why I went for N80:
-Internet edition (I thought I could browse even inside water)
- It's a slide phone
- Has a large screen
- Large memory size (phone and card)






With all the other features them talk say follow the phone come from heaven (or from where?).

The phone’s problem started when I took it home the very first day I got it. My niece just couldn’t get her hands of the earpiece! She was always fondling it until one day she ate up the foamy cover (don’t know what it’s called please...lollll) of the earpiece.

So I discarded the earpiece and kept on rocking the phone.

My sweet phone became the latest toy in my house! My nephew uses it to perfect his skills on phone game handling (from why chicken crossed the road to snakes) while my niece was trying hard to be beyonce with the voice recorder; she also snaps her pictures every time. (Still have a picture of Richard in BBA 2 on my phone because she took a picture of herself backing the teevee!)

All this time the phone kept on falling at will and I never raised any objection because I thought it’s still the same old NOKIA I knew.(durability and value for your money! )
The phone fell off my hands a couple of times too Ok.

The problem started early this month, I noticed that when I get incoming calls I don’t hear the caller but when I make calls, it’s loud and clear. Later it graduated to both incoming and outgoing calls; yours truly will not hear anything except I use the loudspeakers.

I complained to one of my colleagues and he took my phone to a technician that could work on it. “Doctor” diagnosed my baby with “bad-flex” (whatever that means) and that it must be replaced.

"Ok.How much is flex now?"

The guy said N7, 000. (Please how much is a new phone abeg? lollll)

I left him in annoyance only to get to work and discover another major problem…. When I slid it opened or closed, it displayed different colours which were not a screen saver. Those rainbow displays only meant one thing - the screen too is getting spoilt!

So now my phone has different color spectrum when opened or closed and only regains “composure” after like 30seconds and remember that I still have to switch to loudspeakers to hear my conversation after all these home muveee.


I got pissed and I bought my self this new NOKIA (again u will say? Lolllll)

Why I picked this:
- No Game (and I aint planning to download any!)
- The phone is just a plain Jane!
- No secondary camera for my niece
- Metal casing(anti-scratch)
Even told my niece that it had no voice recorder (a big lie)

So here is a toast to my new phone; baby we are going to rock ourselves till grey days!

And i wish my dying N80 a wonderful REST IN PEACE! (it was nice while knowing you)

Like Alicia Keys sang I keep on falling in love with NOKIA (you)….loollllll.

Enjoy your week!

In my head

My peeps
This is to confirm that I keep my promise. Wassssuuuuppppp?

I want to give a shout out to everyone that left a comment on my post. You are the reason I am on blogville. I love you all and I will reply every comment soon.(I am feeling like a Gee se?). I am being lazy and the only time I have to reply all comment is in the nite (at home) and this feat is like trying to go to heaven…….dial-up connection in naija is anti-reply-a-comment. (Am I the only one in this? Both CELTEL & STARCOMMS)

As this post title signifies, these are just thoughts running through my head in the last one week so help examine my head.


I didn’t take Coca Cola on a particular Friday and by Saturday afternoon I felt like an addict suffering a relapse. Abeg Coca cola wan kill me? Had to run all over to get a chilled bottle and I felt better.Haaaa my own don better abi? Carl don get sister for Coke drinking spree.
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My peeps at home tried to persuade me to go out with them and the following conversation ensued;

Bro-in-law: Darkelcee, lets go out now because you can’t find husband with this your lifestyle. Your life revolves round Home, Office and Church. You need to go out often to hook up someone? (Please where exactly is this OUT?)

My 6yr Old Nephew: yesssssss now, she has been staying with us since. Mummy says before I was born? When will you go to your house?

See me see wahala, dem dey plan coup-de-tat for me in that house now.
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Please, how do oyinbo people think? I noticed that you can actually report a photo on facebook to the authorities! Reasons to report photo Include….nudity/pornography, Drug Use, violence, attacks individual or group. Please the question is wetin concern me to report another person’s picture?(Na jazz dem use carry me go look im profile?) I fit report my own? Who dey check the reports?
If we get our own facebook for naija, hmmmm gongo aso!. The guy in the console to monitor reports will never be at work.Infact, PHCN no go give them light to access reports at all. Fuel scarcity will back up PHCN strongly. And the site will be epileptic that you won’t be able to report anything! All hail NIGERIA!
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In the March Edition of Genevieve magazine, i read of a 23yr old naija chic who did breast enlargement / implant for a bloody sum of 4,000 British Pounds! (I dey craze?) I can’t even imagine getting one abi na buy we go call am? (Don’t need to anyway *wink*).

Please, take time out to watch Dr 92010 for a sneak into the getting one. The surgery can be compared with the process of making Asun (barbecued goat).

Heard you can use saline or silicone gel in the stuffing or filling? lollllll

Type 1
A portion of the boobs is opened up and somin that looks like Drip bag (Dextrose Saline) or Pure water bag is “tucked” into the breast and a balloon pump is inserted into the bag and then the pumping start. Air or whatever is pumped into the bag till the desired size is achieved. The “victim” is sown up and she wakes up with a bigger boobs.



Type 2
The “drip-bag” is already filled with the saline/silicone gel they forcefully tucked into the boobs. Pumping is not necessary.

Now the question is can this bag leak? Yes it can!


What if somin happens and it burst? Oh yes it does! You will only need to go for a “refill”.

Or the saline solution start to dry? Abeg, allow me to think like a novice here!

All these James bond moves is for what?

Note that this is not a bloodless surgery. !@#$%^&*_+


The recovery period varies from person to person. After the surgery, the doctor is going to put bandages around the breasts to prevent swelling. The bandages are worn for several days. After they are removed, you will need to use a surgical bra. This bra is designed to prevent excessive pressure and give enough support to your new breasts.For the first few days, the patient experiences pain and swelling.(suffering and smilling!)


The doctor will give you medication for pain.(please doctors should stop giving anything, sebi it is no pains no gain...Chikena!) The discomfort will gradually reduce within 10 days. Some swelling will still remain. The scars will look pink and larger in the beginning, but they will fade as time passes. It may take a couple of months to get back to your fitness routine, but depending on your type of work, within a few days you can return to work. Every case is different, so your doctor will tell you what is right for you……READ MORE

But really how many minutes do we have in naija before we start doing Whacko Jackco moves and our teeth, nose or tongue start falling off?

On a lighter mood!

BRA CODES

Enjoy your weekend

Twenty five things

Where do I start from? I give God all the glory. How was your Easter Break? I bet everyone had the holiday all over the GLOBE? Abi now? I am good but very very tired from my Camp-Out programme. I wonder how parents with 10 children cope especially the mum. Ko easy men.

This is not an update. I'm serious and i promise to update before friday.Infact to be specific 11th April in the year of our Lord 2008!

Just wanted to share this withall the sisters in blogville.

Sista, i need you to raise your two fingers in the air and say oh oh .....then screammmmmmmmmmmm (please what am i feeling like?)



Now to the gist





Twenty five things a sista should not apologize for ............................

















1. Never apologize for pursuing what makes you happy. Even if
you need to quit your job, transfer schools, or move across
country, always do what you really want.



2. Never apologize for using proper English. Keeping it real
doesn't mean speaking Ebonics.



3. Never apologize for giving your best in a relationship that
just didn't work out.



4. Never apologize for being successful. Only haters want to
keep you at their level.



5. Never apologize for crying. Wear waterproof mascara and
express yourself.



6. Never apologize for ten pounds you need to lose. People who
truly care about you will accept you as you are.



7. Never apologize for being frugal. Just because you save your
money instead of blowing it on the latest fashion emergency
doesn't mean you're cheap.



8. Don't apologize for being a single Mom. Babies are a
blessing.



9. Never apologize for treating yourself to something special.
Sometimes you have to show yourself some appreciation. Amen to
that!



10. Never apologize for leaving an abusive relationship. Your
safety should always be a priority. Soooooooo True



11. Never apologize for keeping the ring even if you did not
get married.

12. Never apologize for setting high standards in a
relationship. You know what you can tolerate and what simply
gets on your nerves.



13. Never apologize for saying NO.



14. Never apologize for asking for what you want in bed. If you
don't, then who will?



15. Never apologize for wearing a weave or braids. You bought
it so it's yours.



16. Never apologize to your new friends about old friends.
There's a reason she's been your girl from day one.



17. Never apologize for ordering dessert or more than one
dessert.



18. Never apologize for dating outside your race. Just because
you found Mr. Right across the color line doesn't mean you
don't love your brothas.



19. Never apologize for demanding respect. You are to always
be treated as a queen.



20. Never apologize for not knowing how to cook. Even if you
can't burn like Grandma you know how to order good take out.
(Right Girl!)



21. Never apologize for your taste in clothes. It's your style.

22. Never apologize for changing your mind, it is your
prerogative.



23. Never apologize for making a decision from your heart, even
if others don't agree. You have to live with the consequences
not them.



24. Never apologize for making more money than your man, you
work hard and you deserve to get paid.



25. Never apologize for being YOU!



Keep your head UP and keep moving"



ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT GOD LOVES YOU AND HE ALWAYS GOT YOUR BACK





Buki, He's got your back gurl.








Love

Q & A

Hello all.

Thanks all for the love and response on my last post. It has turned me into a Pastor as I have been praying for a miracle for the next person. Catch your Laptop by fire! Lolll

Now I need to drop these few lines as I will be missing in action as from Friday till Tuesday. I have a camp out to attend and I have been planning on how to have fun. The reason for this season is Jesus. Hope you are his pal?


One major reason why I like naija?
< < < < < Holidays!


This week alone FG has declared Wednesday plus the normal Easter Break (Friday and Monday). I am doing the running man dance (remember Vanilla ice….Ice Baby?) I love holidays- (lazy girl, Infact i am always looking forward to industrial strike!)

Now to the koko of today.

A very close friend shared this thought with me so I want to throw it open. Three of his subordinates resigned in the last two months and each of them took him out for lunch or dinner to appreciate him. I don’t work directly with him but I know him as a wonderful person. I have a female boss, and I think our relationship is that of Tom & Jerry…… (Ogiri leti.. wall has ears!) let me stop there. Lolll Now the question is:


-What is the relationship between you and your boss?
-Can you take your boss out in appreciation for what he/she impacted on you when you resign?

On a lighter mood

Latest blue-tooth in TOWN!




Send my Easter Eggs!

Love

SnOoPiNg

Yippeeeeee! I have delivered.

I promised to update on time and here I am.

Phew! If nobody praises me I will praise my self.

How are you are doing? I am good and God has been faithful to me. I have been very happy all week and the reason?.......... I got a brand new laptop, free of charge.


Whether you believe it or not, my pastor told me three weeks ago that his British boss gave him a laptop F.O.C. So I jokingly told him to shake my hand because I desire that type of favor.

Fast forward small, my old friend (we went to school together, worked together for a while before she moved on) called me that she was in my neighborhood and wanted to hang out with me. We met and we were trying to catch up when I just mentioned laptop casually, she said that she had a brand new one (her hubby sent to her) and I should come pick it up. This is a proper “ijebu” girl way back in school. Sha she gave me the lap top and I am still like, this girl will call me to come and pay because I know her but ALAS! She hasn’t called.

So join me to shout 35 big Hallelujahs! lol!

Ok today’s gist

I am sure you are wondering about the title of this post, my peeps that’s exactly what it means. Snooping. I don’t pry into people’s affair because I’ve always hated the issue of “he said ,I said and she said” but sometimes when you are jobless and u don’t have anything to do, your mind will start playing tricks on u.

When I was 8 years old, I had this kinda close friend. Lets call her R. R had an Uncle (Uncle L) who was very tall or rather I was very short, so I used to think he was tall. He had a way with women. One day R came to call me that she was hearing some strange noise from Uncle L’s room. I left my house in a hurry to investigate and we started peeping through the key hole.

I SAW somin infact PLENTY. lol

Sha R started nudging me to shift because we were taking turns to peep. I can’t remember what happened but I think Uncle R discovered the peeping toms and he came out and gave us the punishment of our lives. I couldn’t tell anyone in my house abi how will I explained the story? That wetin wetin happened? Abeg!

Second time I went snooping was a while ago too. It was with someone very close to me. Almost like a brother, I went thru his phone. Gosh, somin I don’t do normally. Sha I saw a text from a chic and it went thus……..

I don’t even know how I agreed to this in the first place but I feel so guilty even when I knew you were married, I was still involved with u. I am sorry I can’t go on with this again.


Whoosh! My world came tumbling down (and I am not his wife ) I was tempted to tell his wife but I knew I would be ruining a home. So I did what I felt was the best, I prayed…Mountain-of-fire type of prayer. Let the fire of God burn into ashes the “chaser” and the “chased”. Lawd have mercy!

Ok, the final snooping of the day was on my own mother. Lol

I lost my dad in 2001 and even as I am typing this I realize i still miss him so much ( I am sure that every last child will understand this ). Before I digress, My mum came around and she left her phone with me only for me to go through her phone (is that becoming a custom for me? Lol) and I found a love text!

Ori mi o! somin like I miss you so much say hi to every one and I love you. Could it be that Pop can send SMS from heaven? Lawlllll. I couldn’t hold it again, so I asked her and she told me that it was my cousin that normally use her phone. I believed her cos I know her phone font is quite small and she most certainly can’t read that text (but hey what if she used her glasses?)

But, my peeps if my mum start dating again (she is 63 years old now) I am not sure I will feel cool with it. And to think that daddy has gone for over 7 years and she will be lonely but she’s got to cope without him now abi?

Women are meant to be IMMORTAL and super – Humans. If I am in her shoes, won’t I date again?

I am outta here

Love

Boiz in da Hood

Eyin ara mi ninu Oluwa, Se y'all cool?

Hope you are not angry with moi? (*Kiss-kiss*)

Don’t mind me, I have been pretty lazy and the traffic in Lagos is getting crazier by the day. I don’t have a strong koko not to update sha, all my excuses are not tenable but pardon me.

Please, I need a scientist fast, is there any machine Oyinbo can design (or has deisgned) that can process thoughts? I need one to help me write out my post without moving my hands on the keyboard abeg.

Ok, I mentioned that one of my New Year resolutions was to have more fun and probably get hooked but it’s as if the latter is not going well with your gurl.


In the last 3 months or there about,I have met three guys all from different ethnic groups in Naija (only me you will say?) but I no too understand myself whether na my mouth don wide or they are just not normal. Please read on to understand me.


Sunday (Edo man)

Pros: TDH (Tall dark and handsome), engineer, comfortable, BUTTTTTTT

Cons: The boy likes to hear the sound of his own voice! O ti le soro juu. When he calls ehnn? He will talk,talk and talk and the sad part is that I don’t hear nada in all that he his saying. If he realizes that I have been quiet for a while,he will ask if I get him and trust me my ready made response is “yep, no wahala”. Can you imagine he called me for 45mins one day and all I got to answer back was a “yep no wahala” five times?

Turn off: He talks too much. He mentioned one day that on 31st of December he slept till 1st of January. On 31st December, even the devil himself go out to pray or somin but definitely not sleeping!


Edet (Calabar man)

Intro
My peep abeg please give a standing ovation for the Calabarians / Calabians. ( abi wetin I go call them again?) If you jam their women you are hooked for life.Their men nko? No dulling for them. Plenty raps and vibes all join. Lol. I heard they are very tidy and extremely trim.

Pros: Striking young man with a British accent, tall (I heard Calabarian are mostly not tall, is this true?), confident. The first day he saw me he got my phone number (to follow up on an issue) and the next thing was a text message from him “darkelcee, why are you so beautiful” Enough efizy!

Cons: This young man is too fast for me, he is on the fastest lane with a formula 1while I am just starting with my bettle. (lol). The first day he asked me out was to a Friday night gig and he was like I will sleep at his place till the next morning? E gbami (some pls save me)! Which type sleep be that ? Last month he recharged my phone only for him to come 3 days later and said I should quickly give him N1,000 to buy ice cream, i no see Calabar boy's brake light. Two weeks ago he came that he needed to use some amount of money and I also gave him (I no wan mention the amount before you will spark face for me). No story on the refund till now. I be world bank? Even the loans and grants World Bank give has offer conditions abi? The boy wan make me Sugar mummy? I have given him the boots I don’t like men that think they are smart. Do you know he flashes me(Crazy Flasher) and when I call him he is like why didn’t you pick up? I use Gongo aso by 9ice as my ring tone and his call has ended before the intro starts!

Turn Off: He is a leech! His types are just freeloaders.



Oladipupo(Yoruba Man)

Pros: Born Again, Medical Doctor, Handsome etc

Cons: short and too loud! I met him in one church activity like that and I was hearing his voice from the back! When he talks you will never imagine the sound is coming from his small frame. I doubt if he can whisper? I just can’t stand boisterous peeps. I secretly call him MTN (Every where you go)

Turn Off: He feels he is the only one that went to school. Because he did 10yrs (plus A.S.U strike) in school does not mean my 5 years is a waste or i am not as intelligent as he is. Always forming activity.


So that is it. I am done with them.
Planning on concentrating on me and have fun. I am pushing these guys out of my mind.Turning them to buddies until a prince in shinning armour comes! (king Arthur?)

We are having another team bonding session in my office this weekend and I plan to have a very pleasurable moments.

Ciao!


Abeg those are not their real names!

Happy Valentine

Okay first,Happy Birthday To Tayo.

Tayo, there will be parri right? My peeps ,visit his blog for the details.

I am organizing a parri here on my blog for you (But yours is still holding!)

This is not an update ( Before i will be lynched!)
This is just for you on Valentine's day. Hope you have love and experience love today and everyday of your life.

A Valentine is nothing like

A chocolate or a rose.

For in a week these shall be gone,

But Valentines remain.

If love were always sweet to tongue

Or fragrant to the nose,

Each day would be like Valentine's,

And we would go insane.

A Valentine just hangs around

Waiting to be kissed

Long after special days have passed

And every days are here.

So one is wise to choose one well

And chocolates to resist.

For in the midst of mania

It's nice to have one near.

I will update soon ok. I PROMISE.

Love You loads!

Elcee

PS...that poem is not original so dont hail me at all( lol)