Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Boiz in da Hood

Eyin ara mi ninu Oluwa, Se y'all cool?

Hope you are not angry with moi? (*Kiss-kiss*)

Don’t mind me, I have been pretty lazy and the traffic in Lagos is getting crazier by the day. I don’t have a strong koko not to update sha, all my excuses are not tenable but pardon me.

Please, I need a scientist fast, is there any machine Oyinbo can design (or has deisgned) that can process thoughts? I need one to help me write out my post without moving my hands on the keyboard abeg.

Ok, I mentioned that one of my New Year resolutions was to have more fun and probably get hooked but it’s as if the latter is not going well with your gurl.

In the last 3 months or there about,I have met three guys all from different ethnic groups in Naija (only me you will say?) but I no too understand myself whether na my mouth don wide or they are just not normal. Please read on to understand me.

Sunday (Edo man)

Pros: TDH (Tall dark and handsome), engineer, comfortable, BUTTTTTTT

Cons: The boy likes to hear the sound of his own voice! O ti le soro juu. When he calls ehnn? He will talk,talk and talk and the sad part is that I don’t hear nada in all that he his saying. If he realizes that I have been quiet for a while,he will ask if I get him and trust me my ready made response is “yep, no wahala”. Can you imagine he called me for 45mins one day and all I got to answer back was a “yep no wahala” five times?

Turn off: He talks too much. He mentioned one day that on 31st of December he slept till 1st of January. On 31st December, even the devil himself go out to pray or somin but definitely not sleeping!

Edet (Calabar man)

My peep abeg please give a standing ovation for the Calabarians / Calabians. ( abi wetin I go call them again?) If you jam their women you are hooked for life.Their men nko? No dulling for them. Plenty raps and vibes all join. Lol. I heard they are very tidy and extremely trim.

Pros: Striking young man with a British accent, tall (I heard Calabarian are mostly not tall, is this true?), confident. The first day he saw me he got my phone number (to follow up on an issue) and the next thing was a text message from him “darkelcee, why are you so beautiful” Enough efizy!

Cons: This young man is too fast for me, he is on the fastest lane with a formula 1while I am just starting with my bettle. (lol). The first day he asked me out was to a Friday night gig and he was like I will sleep at his place till the next morning? E gbami (some pls save me)! Which type sleep be that ? Last month he recharged my phone only for him to come 3 days later and said I should quickly give him N1,000 to buy ice cream, i no see Calabar boy's brake light. Two weeks ago he came that he needed to use some amount of money and I also gave him (I no wan mention the amount before you will spark face for me). No story on the refund till now. I be world bank? Even the loans and grants World Bank give has offer conditions abi? The boy wan make me Sugar mummy? I have given him the boots I don’t like men that think they are smart. Do you know he flashes me(Crazy Flasher) and when I call him he is like why didn’t you pick up? I use Gongo aso by 9ice as my ring tone and his call has ended before the intro starts!

Turn Off: He is a leech! His types are just freeloaders.

Oladipupo(Yoruba Man)

Pros: Born Again, Medical Doctor, Handsome etc

Cons: short and too loud! I met him in one church activity like that and I was hearing his voice from the back! When he talks you will never imagine the sound is coming from his small frame. I doubt if he can whisper? I just can’t stand boisterous peeps. I secretly call him MTN (Every where you go)

Turn Off: He feels he is the only one that went to school. Because he did 10yrs (plus A.S.U strike) in school does not mean my 5 years is a waste or i am not as intelligent as he is. Always forming activity.

So that is it. I am done with them.
Planning on concentrating on me and have fun. I am pushing these guys out of my mind.Turning them to buddies until a prince in shinning armour comes! (king Arthur?)

We are having another team bonding session in my office this weekend and I plan to have a very pleasurable moments.


Abeg those are not their real names!


Unbiased said...

As if you would use their real names sef.
My dear we are both in the same boat o!! You know what i absolutely hate about it?
Guy will start to tell you that they dont believe you are really single. Imagine.
Well like you said concentrate on you and have fun. lol!!
Good luck with that.

30+ said...

Why this Unbiased take my position na. Oya make I go read.

30+ said...

O ga o wetin gurl go do now, all I can say is none of them sounds okay except maybe no 3. He prolly has to talk loud to compesate his small frame - lol.

No 2 is a NO NO

Afrobabe said...

lmao...I have been receivibg proposals from the most unlikely places...

guys I hadly spoke to in school...but I think I'll pass lol..

Afrobabe said...

And I was coming here to harras you into updating gave u a topic on my reply to ur comment on my page....kai did that sentence make sense?

!*!*!*!*!Fresh and Fab!*!*!*!*! said...

wow, loosers, the calaba man, shock me pass

they are all waste..

Nyemoni said...

ROTFLMHO...I mean literally....Ye! na wah o! These guys na helele sha...each one with his own disadvantage....May God bring your King Arthur or Knight in shining armour asap! Nice funny post...LOL at the Calabarian as you called it...

Adekunle Shobowale said...

That Calabar man is a Donut lol.

He may come in useful in other areas tho' *wink*

shalewa said...

"Do you know he flashes me(Crazy Flasher) and when I call him he is like why didn’t you pick up?".this guy is over nuts,over bonkas.
see eh,don't stress ur life.seems like they r all bad news so just keep rocking till king arthur arrives.

Lighty said...

lol. see that Edet one? that one should not even be ur buddy. which kai buddy be that? before u know it, u would be paying his house rent and all. about 1000 to buy ice cream, indeed! u just feed him for that week. lol. bread and akara would do, lol.
ok ok, let me stop.

sunday, dat one would run u to the ground. guys that talk??? i dont trust 'em. by the time u say jack, someone would stop u on the road tomorrow and ask u if it was really u on that pirate raid with captain jack sparrow.

and the other short one, i dont blame the guy, na insecurity dey worry am. lol.

as a calabar person. i agree with all ur notions, hence why am ur man's dream. abeg no mind mi ohh. i must be in a pretty good mood. even after it seems like the walls are puliing in on me, i expect dem to scrumble in no time just as the walls of jerico did. Amen to that.

Sasuke said...

my sweet darkelcee, pele oh! it is not easy to find an all round man but i believe God for you. na that yeye calabar gold digger na im they vex me pass Ole! im wan reap where im no i think you have a better chance with the edo and yoruba dude though but as for the calabarian, a strict no-no. thanks for the birthday wishes

Jaycee said...


Abeg ur knight in shining armor shall come...don't settle for less (lol). Ur descriptions were so funny!!!! He he...

bumight said...

only u? Edo talk-talk, calabar gold digger and Yoruba Efiko!

lol, I was going to come harass u to update, like they say u have to kiss a lot of frogs before u meet Prince charming (or something like that?)

UndaCovaSista said...

Wow! Someone's been busy...Don't worry. McDreamy is on the way :)

s.chic said...

The year just started abeg...many more to come...don't settle...but eh, those your men are funny sha...and i like calabar guys o, they sabi take care of dem women!

Simi Speaks said...

Madam Elcee!

Sho wa?

For only 2 mths so far, u've done pretty good.

Ma worry, oko e ti dey.

"I now confess that any satanic forces delaying your God-ordained husband be roasted to ashes in Jesus Name.."
-MFM Prayer Rain

darkelcee said...

dont mind them some of them can actually be thotless.Abi what other option then to have fun?

sista, i owe you moin-moin for always been 1st on my blog. Lol@talking loud for his small frame. e fit be true o kai.

we shall overcome someday..... lol. i don do the post before on mumsy's palaver.

@Fresh &fab
they are all waste indeed! lol

Ameennnnnnnnnnn. U fit be pastor now and God fit answer your prayers sharpish.

@adekunle shobowale.
he is also a nutcase.did i hear you right? useful in what other way? lol

Uzo said...

I am pretty uncomfortable with the idea of giving money to a man i am not married to..Ish..I also think it speaks a lot about him if he even asks especially in the case of the Calabar fellow...

All in all, loving your blog

darkelcee said...

lol@keep rocking till King Arthur comes....yes ooohhhh that's the spirit.

Edet na bad news. Sunday, u will not een hear all his saying? if he as any question (which i didnt even hear) i'm like do i have to answer now, i am still listening to and and off he will start whispering
Amen to that dear, it will surely pass.

you be my guy jare. thanks for the advice. i don give the calabarian ticket. im case don finish with me. No be for mouth alone u go thank me , na parri i want.

abi? Amen to that prayer

only me oh! Me i must kiss frog with good egg. not just any frog lol

I like that MCdreamy! sounds cool lawlllll.

thanks for the encouraging words. i no i still have 10months to go. But i am not sure i could have endured edet. He is just a different calabar breed.

@Simi speaks
Amen. I join you in the prayers

pink gloves said...

lol. The leeching dude sounds like my ex. Abeg enjoy ur life jare. and leave the men u dont want alone.


hahaha, you this babe. All these guys seem like character especially the last one. Awon omo Yoruba do not whisper. In fact, Nigerians as a whole do not whisper! lol!


Ms. emmotions said...

wow !!!
you are hot !!!

princesa said...

So its not only me meeting all em wrong dudes,lol!
Sunday is not too bad o! I don’t talk too much so I like a man that can draw me out of my shell but over-yarning?? I no dey house o!#
Edet…a BIG no no! haba taxing a poor babe like you! Shame no dey catch am sef??
Oladipupo, Short and Loud?? Double negatives,lol!
No worry babes, better guy dey come,lol!(Consolation) the truth is there is no really perfect guy but God abeg, make the pluses plenty pass the minuses o!

chichi said...

hilarious post.

Naija Chickito said...

Hahahahahaha. Had so Much fun reading this. Don't know why I'm just seeing this update. I guess I gave up after a while. I was coming here daily and saw no update. Well thank God it's here now.

But those guys na wa o! Kai. Especially the Calabar one. Oloshi, barawo..imagine that *hiss* None of them deserve you. Their only usefulness as far as I'm concerned is the gist and laughs they bring us. hehe

Uzezi said...

wetin i fit talk? u sure no how to attract them?

darkelcee said...

thanks for loving my blog jare, i dont feel comfortable either i think its the second time i realised who he really was.

@pink gloves. Maybe my new post should be how dark elcee got her groove back. cos i am really having fun.

@Solomon sydelle
Mummy TE no be only yoruba people no sabi whisper, try Igbo you will respect them.i have been told he had to shout becaus of his small frame. lol!

@Ms Emmotions
Hot? Wish i am!

the pluses must be plenty by fire cos i am not sure i can negatives

darkelcee said...

Thanks dear.

@Naija Chikito
You cant give up on me I promise to improve on my updates ok?

I dont know how i dey take attract them o but i don dey shine my eye well well.

Olamild said...

you alone?

You are funny o
I hope you find yours sha

Sasuke said...

i hear you darkelcee if na for party that one na small thing but babe February done go now!
Abeg march in post for march at least make person no if hausa,igbo and ijaw men done dey on your

just thought i should check on you

La Reine said...

Yeah, Lagos drivers are crazy.
Totally feel you on the exing and concentrating on you stuff.
Climb on board that train, girl.

Allied said...

What happened to the Hausa man?

I can't stand a stingy men... So so freeloaders...

The Yoruba man is doable jare.. just put him in the mist of other loud Yorubas and he will sound normal...

NigerianDramaQueen said...

LMBO @ the MTN comment...that's classic.

darkelcee said...

I hope so too infact it must be soon.

No cse for now.Just dey follow myself enjoy my life .lol

@La reine
Now i know i am not!

when u are yoruba yourself? lol but really we can be very loud o.

@nigeriandrama quuen
abi what else will i say

rethots said...

...the knight cometh (oops, maybe he's had a slight delay on the way), he surely shall.

Interesting one, they are normal (just as you) only you bond not.

Excellent antidote, "....and have fun". Cheers.