Friday, April 11, 2008

In my head

My peeps
This is to confirm that I keep my promise. Wassssuuuuppppp?

I want to give a shout out to everyone that left a comment on my post. You are the reason I am on blogville. I love you all and I will reply every comment soon.(I am feeling like a Gee se?). I am being lazy and the only time I have to reply all comment is in the nite (at home) and this feat is like trying to go to heaven…….dial-up connection in naija is anti-reply-a-comment. (Am I the only one in this? Both CELTEL & STARCOMMS)

As this post title signifies, these are just thoughts running through my head in the last one week so help examine my head.

I didn’t take Coca Cola on a particular Friday and by Saturday afternoon I felt like an addict suffering a relapse. Abeg Coca cola wan kill me? Had to run all over to get a chilled bottle and I felt better.Haaaa my own don better abi? Carl don get sister for Coke drinking spree.

My peeps at home tried to persuade me to go out with them and the following conversation ensued;

Bro-in-law: Darkelcee, lets go out now because you can’t find husband with this your lifestyle. Your life revolves round Home, Office and Church. You need to go out often to hook up someone? (Please where exactly is this OUT?)

My 6yr Old Nephew: yesssssss now, she has been staying with us since. Mummy says before I was born? When will you go to your house?

See me see wahala, dem dey plan coup-de-tat for me in that house now.

Please, how do oyinbo people think? I noticed that you can actually report a photo on facebook to the authorities! Reasons to report photo Include….nudity/pornography, Drug Use, violence, attacks individual or group. Please the question is wetin concern me to report another person’s picture?(Na jazz dem use carry me go look im profile?) I fit report my own? Who dey check the reports?
If we get our own facebook for naija, hmmmm gongo aso!. The guy in the console to monitor reports will never be at work.Infact, PHCN no go give them light to access reports at all. Fuel scarcity will back up PHCN strongly. And the site will be epileptic that you won’t be able to report anything! All hail NIGERIA!
In the March Edition of Genevieve magazine, i read of a 23yr old naija chic who did breast enlargement / implant for a bloody sum of 4,000 British Pounds! (I dey craze?) I can’t even imagine getting one abi na buy we go call am? (Don’t need to anyway *wink*).

Please, take time out to watch Dr 92010 for a sneak into the getting one. The surgery can be compared with the process of making Asun (barbecued goat).

Heard you can use saline or silicone gel in the stuffing or filling? lollllll

Type 1
A portion of the boobs is opened up and somin that looks like Drip bag (Dextrose Saline) or Pure water bag is “tucked” into the breast and a balloon pump is inserted into the bag and then the pumping start. Air or whatever is pumped into the bag till the desired size is achieved. The “victim” is sown up and she wakes up with a bigger boobs.

Type 2
The “drip-bag” is already filled with the saline/silicone gel they forcefully tucked into the boobs. Pumping is not necessary.

Now the question is can this bag leak? Yes it can!

What if somin happens and it burst? Oh yes it does! You will only need to go for a “refill”.

Or the saline solution start to dry? Abeg, allow me to think like a novice here!

All these James bond moves is for what?

Note that this is not a bloodless surgery. !@#$%^&*_+

The recovery period varies from person to person. After the surgery, the doctor is going to put bandages around the breasts to prevent swelling. The bandages are worn for several days. After they are removed, you will need to use a surgical bra. This bra is designed to prevent excessive pressure and give enough support to your new breasts.For the first few days, the patient experiences pain and swelling.(suffering and smilling!)

The doctor will give you medication for pain.(please doctors should stop giving anything, sebi it is no pains no gain...Chikena!) The discomfort will gradually reduce within 10 days. Some swelling will still remain. The scars will look pink and larger in the beginning, but they will fade as time passes. It may take a couple of months to get back to your fitness routine, but depending on your type of work, within a few days you can return to work. Every case is different, so your doctor will tell you what is right for you……READ MORE

But really how many minutes do we have in naija before we start doing Whacko Jackco moves and our teeth, nose or tongue start falling off?

On a lighter mood!


Enjoy your weekend


ejatutu said...

LMAO!!!! that is hillarious

"Breast augmentation compared compared with the process of making Asun (barbecued goat)"

Jaycee said...

Lollllllllll....@ the last pic...did the woman's boobs push the dudes out of the canoe????? HILARIOUS!!!! Ha ha ha....

I've gotta exit, will come nack and read the rest of the, J!


30+ said...

Yeh how did ejatutu and jaycee beat me to it.

30+ said...

Lmao, you dis babe o gather o.
Which one is Asun making and bra augmentation now.

The alphabet description is just so hilarious.

classybabe said...

4000 pounds for breast enlargement?!I am speechless
Lol @ bra codes

Charizard said...

hehehehe....hilariation...this is too funny mon...

shalewa said...

4000 pounds for implants?what an investment.wish it had cash at ur nephew.and the bra codes.......crazy.u r becoming like tinking,if u two got married,what would be the outcome?for one,there'll be scarcity of coke.

La Reine said...

Whoever made that cartoon is not serious at all.
-But seriously, someone should give me 4000 pounds - and see if I spend on ONE THING! na wa o

Zena said...

lmao@ the pics, hehhehhe

as for ur nephew his mouth sharp oo!wonder where he gets it from

OluwaDee said...

lol @ d bra-meter.

Pink-satin said...

lol at d bra sizes!!!lol at ur nephew

Jarrai said...

LOL! the bra-meter is just too funny.

Sasuke said...

darkelcee na wha for this your breast augmentation tori. women and their wahala. me i like big breast sha so if any woman one silicon up na she sabi so far the mangoes are worth the squeeze.

nice to have you back

anonymous gal said...

finally she updates.damn gud update if u ask me.

TinTin said...

lmaoo..'asun' hhehehheehhe!!
mehn i feel u on the not needing it!! love my babies the way they are!

pink gloves said...

To each his own oh. me i dont think i can go under the knife if it is not life threatening. Just like that. But for some pple, it is the only way to make them feel complete maybe? Na who know. I wish i knew.

Lol @ facebook and breast size. I guess some are barely there. lol.

Anonymous said...

darklecee,u no go kill person,this is hilarious

For the love of me said...

lol, how breast enlargement take resemble asun process now?

darkelcee said...

hillarious ke? its crazy!

nope. she couldnt carry her own weight! its obviously augumented.

same process dear. u need to pump the goat before u cut so pump the boobs here too.lollll

i was mad when i saw it. speechless was inda what's ur code? lollll


there is cash returns i guess. but aint any invement. please can she breastfeed?w'll have a depot in our house for constant supply.

@La reine
some people are more focused than the others and really its individual diff.who nows i might invest my money in getting a new butt.

its def me.cos mine too is sharp

darkelcee said...


thanks sis.

you wanna check out somin for someone?lollll

you don come again.which one be mango is worth its squeeze? lolllll

@Anonymous girl
thank you maam.

round with a bounce? *wink*

@pink satin
barely there or just budding? lolllllll

thanks but i dont kill people

@Love of me
plenty just observe the process small.

princesa said...

Where did you get those bra meter pics??
Crazy and funny as hell!
Thank God am a normal ‘D’ cup babe.
What’s with those who go through breast surgeries? Dem no fit mange wetin God give them? Not to mention that we also have padded bras/koste for market.
We can’t all go enhancing those parts of our bodies that we don’t like. If everybody get big boobs, who go get small one?? That means say bra manufacturers no go do small size again? lol!

...and I feel you on the anti-comment thing with naija dial up lines. It’s so frustrating!

Writefreak said...

LOL...i love the bra part!

Very entertaining post!

Aijay said...

OMG, this is so 'laughicious'!

Initially, I was a bit grossed out with the description of breast augmentation procedure... blood & all, but the pics got me laughing.

Nice post!

Queen of My Castle said...

LOL @ Sasuke. Too funny

I wish I could spring for a reduction!

I LMAO @ the Naija Facebook theory.

You nephew, my goodness that mouth!

James Tubman said...


i say it all the time

real men don't care about breats

i like the small ones so i can put the whole thing in my mouth and suck it up like a vacum cleaner

naijalines said...

What an original piece, Ms Darkelcee. Enjoyed o.

Simi Speaks said...

lol.. u dis girl.. hahaha

i always secretly wanted bigger boobs. double GGGGGGGG.. lol. of course it never happened..

how u dey?

Afrobabe said...

lol...asun own problem is...will u still feel anything after the surgery?

I mean whats the need having enormous boobs if u cant feel them getting attention?

Afrobabe said...

lmao @ the kid...u have been living with them since b4 he was born....

archiwiz said...

LOL....children... 4k for boobs? Nahh... except you work at the red light district in Amsterdam.

@ the boobometer... LOL again.

ladyguide said...

this post remind of dat kelis's song......
"My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard,
And there like,
Its better than yours,
Damn right its beter than yours,
I can teach you,
But i have to charge" lol!!!!

truly hilarious, darkelcee sofry sofry o, i don laugh sotey my belle don dey pain me, chei!!

soupasexy said...

ROFLMAO...girl u don kill me o...that was really cute..where u find those pics?

darkelcee said...

so you are a D? HMMMMM plenty dang in da house.lolllll. forget the internet connectivity thing with dial-up o jare.

@Write freak
so what's ur size? lolllll

you need to watch dr 90210 to now what gross is all about. pele didnt mean to make u feel awful. howdy?

while growing up i wanted to do just that.lolll.

@James tubman
vacuum cleaner? you will choke men.lollllllll

its my pleasure.

@Simi Speaks
double ggggg? that's suicidal!lollll aint easy to carry around gurl.Just thank God your prayers were not answered.

We need a volunteer to ask all those questions. cos i have tones to ask too.

Even if i am Obama's daughter. cant waste my money like that.lollll

I just cant help myself dear 4,000 pounds? OMG!

From my mailbox girl
that pix loos like can't complain! lolllll

Free-flowing Florida said...

Dat bra size one is just hilarious! where did u get it? I know an 'almost breast' - Paris Hilton. And a 'barely breast' - dem plenty. & a 'can't complain' - moi! In my period am a 'dang' sha. I love my brest in my period! d bobos love it too

on another note, ur blurred picture does look a lot like a certain nigerian lady @ BBA2. Na u b dat????

darkelcee said...

@free-flowing Florida
i'm laughing real hard her BBA what? no way. lollllllll ok im a dang on normal day. just an ordinary lagos babe.

Afrobabe said...

a double dang?????????????

now I feel suddenly small...I am a cant complain and uptill now I tot they looked pretty dang!!!

The mention of asun in this your page suddenly makes me that strange especially as it was mentioned next to surgery??

Aphrodite said...

Funny pics.

Really i wouldnt want to be an E, F, G or H cup.
That's too much heavy load carrying around joo.

Uzezi said...

ur lil nephew got me laughing.
that boobs thing em, na God go help us. And that Dr show on E irritates me at times. the boobs look funny.

darkelcee said...

not strange at all.Asun is delicious now

Quite heavy and almost ridiculous to flaunt.

it's upsetting which is ur size? lolllll

ablackjamesbond said...

James Tubman, r u for real? Real men dont care about breasts? Really?*shakes his head*

Thanks D for the lessons on BRA and boob sizes.

James Tubman said...

@black james bond... sorry lol

i need to learn how to speak for myself lol

UndaCovaSista said...

The guys' expressions are hilarious! 'Sup girl?

fantasy queen said...

the mouths of babes, far deeper than we can imagine.

the bra meter? LMAO. hopefully i'm not near a 'help me' or am i?

anonymous gal said...

that does it. i command u to update once evri week. u can b like me evri monday. OK

N.I.M.M.O said...

You know I believed I was the only one who thot that the breast augmentation procedure on Dr 92010 looked like trying to prepare a ram for 'asun', complete with the tools and equipment.

If you had ever been at the slaughtering and preparation of 'Ileya 'ram, you wont wish that procedure on your worst enemy. Wetin sef? Na by force to get big breast?

And the lady didn't even look happier after the procedure sef.

4,000 pounds! Thats 1 million naira o. For big breasts? Then women with big breast should begin to organize and make a case for 'resource control' o and maybe start collecting royalty from all these operations abi?

Carlang said...

Hurray another coke addict.
Will you be coming for any of our meetings?

I refused to read your write-up on how fake boobs ae made.
I am completely 100% in love with female bosoms.

Reading your post i feared would have me more of a critic and less a lover and so i stayed away.

I love boobs.
I love breasts.

Okay , i think i've done enough damage to my image.

Personally, i think 4000 pounds is too much to give Dolly Parton a run for her money...
But i seem to remember a guy way back in secondary school whose phallus was about 2 inches.

I bet he'd give 40,000 pounds for an extra inch.


Cant wait.


lol @ your nephew.

I love asun, but as you mentioned it in the context of plastic surgery, Yuck!

Those cartoon pics are hilarious.

How you dey? And why no update?

Smaragd said...

ROTFLMAO! u are so funny!
i love asun!, u wan spoil am for me ehn?
let's hook up wiv that 23yr old money-miss-road so we can ask her qstns, cuz i'm really curious about "feeling" afta this ugly surgery!
as for me?i cant

darkelcee said...

You are most welcome. Wifey will let you know the rest. loll

@ James Tubman

I’m good!

@fantasy queen
Or are you? Just kidding!

@anonymous gal
Aint easy sweetie, updating every Monday? That is my busiest day of the week. I’ll try and work on weekly update sha. Howdy?

They can’t be happy with the excruciating pain I tell you
I volunteer to chair the league of sistas with great boobs.lollll

Meeting date, time and venue? And I’ll be there.
As they say... They come in threes. So cal dear, coke, boobs and what? Lolllllllllllll
That guy’s surgery is important to keep his sanity and I support the guy. But boobs?lolll

I love asun too. Ram slaughtering and boobs augmentation shares the same process.
I have updated and doing well.

I will love to hook up with the chic cos I really want to know the way it feels afterwards! Hmnmm can’t complain? lolll

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