Boiz in da Hood

Eyin ara mi ninu Oluwa, Se y'all cool?

Hope you are not angry with moi? (*Kiss-kiss*)

Don’t mind me, I have been pretty lazy and the traffic in Lagos is getting crazier by the day. I don’t have a strong koko not to update sha, all my excuses are not tenable but pardon me.

Please, I need a scientist fast, is there any machine Oyinbo can design (or has deisgned) that can process thoughts? I need one to help me write out my post without moving my hands on the keyboard abeg.

Ok, I mentioned that one of my New Year resolutions was to have more fun and probably get hooked but it’s as if the latter is not going well with your gurl.


In the last 3 months or there about,I have met three guys all from different ethnic groups in Naija (only me you will say?) but I no too understand myself whether na my mouth don wide or they are just not normal. Please read on to understand me.


Sunday (Edo man)

Pros: TDH (Tall dark and handsome), engineer, comfortable, BUTTTTTTT

Cons: The boy likes to hear the sound of his own voice! O ti le soro juu. When he calls ehnn? He will talk,talk and talk and the sad part is that I don’t hear nada in all that he his saying. If he realizes that I have been quiet for a while,he will ask if I get him and trust me my ready made response is “yep, no wahala”. Can you imagine he called me for 45mins one day and all I got to answer back was a “yep no wahala” five times?

Turn off: He talks too much. He mentioned one day that on 31st of December he slept till 1st of January. On 31st December, even the devil himself go out to pray or somin but definitely not sleeping!


Edet (Calabar man)

Intro
My peep abeg please give a standing ovation for the Calabarians / Calabians. ( abi wetin I go call them again?) If you jam their women you are hooked for life.Their men nko? No dulling for them. Plenty raps and vibes all join. Lol. I heard they are very tidy and extremely trim.

Pros: Striking young man with a British accent, tall (I heard Calabarian are mostly not tall, is this true?), confident. The first day he saw me he got my phone number (to follow up on an issue) and the next thing was a text message from him “darkelcee, why are you so beautiful” Enough efizy!

Cons: This young man is too fast for me, he is on the fastest lane with a formula 1while I am just starting with my bettle. (lol). The first day he asked me out was to a Friday night gig and he was like I will sleep at his place till the next morning? E gbami (some pls save me)! Which type sleep be that ? Last month he recharged my phone only for him to come 3 days later and said I should quickly give him N1,000 to buy ice cream, i no see Calabar boy's brake light. Two weeks ago he came that he needed to use some amount of money and I also gave him (I no wan mention the amount before you will spark face for me). No story on the refund till now. I be world bank? Even the loans and grants World Bank give has offer conditions abi? The boy wan make me Sugar mummy? I have given him the boots I don’t like men that think they are smart. Do you know he flashes me(Crazy Flasher) and when I call him he is like why didn’t you pick up? I use Gongo aso by 9ice as my ring tone and his call has ended before the intro starts!

Turn Off: He is a leech! His types are just freeloaders.



Oladipupo(Yoruba Man)

Pros: Born Again, Medical Doctor, Handsome etc

Cons: short and too loud! I met him in one church activity like that and I was hearing his voice from the back! When he talks you will never imagine the sound is coming from his small frame. I doubt if he can whisper? I just can’t stand boisterous peeps. I secretly call him MTN (Every where you go)

Turn Off: He feels he is the only one that went to school. Because he did 10yrs (plus A.S.U strike) in school does not mean my 5 years is a waste or i am not as intelligent as he is. Always forming activity.


So that is it. I am done with them.
Planning on concentrating on me and have fun. I am pushing these guys out of my mind.Turning them to buddies until a prince in shinning armour comes! (king Arthur?)

We are having another team bonding session in my office this weekend and I plan to have a very pleasurable moments.

Ciao!


Abeg those are not their real names!

Happy Valentine

Okay first,Happy Birthday To Tayo.

Tayo, there will be parri right? My peeps ,visit his blog for the details.

I am organizing a parri here on my blog for you (But yours is still holding!)

This is not an update ( Before i will be lynched!)
This is just for you on Valentine's day. Hope you have love and experience love today and everyday of your life.

A Valentine is nothing like

A chocolate or a rose.

For in a week these shall be gone,

But Valentines remain.

If love were always sweet to tongue

Or fragrant to the nose,

Each day would be like Valentine's,

And we would go insane.

A Valentine just hangs around

Waiting to be kissed

Long after special days have passed

And every days are here.

So one is wise to choose one well

And chocolates to resist.

For in the midst of mania

It's nice to have one near.

I will update soon ok. I PROMISE.

Love You loads!

Elcee

PS...that poem is not original so dont hail me at all( lol)

Talking to HIM

Hey

what's been happening to you ?

The harmattan in Lagos ehn no easy at all. My peeps use to say that this type of weather kills elderly people fast. Even as young as i am i was almost swept away, Opelope annointing!(if not for anointing).

I got this in my mail box and i feel like sharing it with you.


This story was written by a doctor who worked in South Africa .

One night I had worked hard to help a mother in the labor ward; but in spite of all we could do, she died leaving us with a tiny premature baby and a crying two-year-old daughter. We would have difficulty keeping the baby alive, as we had no incubator (we had no electricity to run an incubator). We also had no special feeding facilities. Although we lived on the equator, nights were often chilly with treacherous drafts. One student midwife went for the box we had for such babies and the cotton wool that the baby would be wrapped in. Another went to stoke the fire and fill a hot water bottle. She came back shortly in distress to tell me that in filling the bottle, it had burst (rubber perishes easily in tropical climates). "And it is our last hot water bottle!" she exclaimed. As in the West, it is no good crying over spilled milk, so in Central Africa it might be considered no good crying over burst water bottles. They do not grow on trees, and there are no drugstores down forest pathways. "All right," I said, "put the baby as near the fire as you safely can, and sleep between the baby and the door to keep it free from drafts. Your job is to keep the baby warm." The following afternoon, as I did most days, I went to have prayers with any of the orp hanage children who chose to gather with me. I gave the youngsters various suggestions of things to pray about and told them about the tiny baby. I explained our problem about keeping the baby warm enough, mentioning the hot water bottle, and that the baby could so easily die if it got chills. I also told them of the two-year-old sister, crying because her mother had died. During prayer time, one ten-year old girl, Ruth, prayed with the usual blunt consciousness of our African children. "Please, God" she prayed, "send us a water bottle. It'll be no good tomorrow, God, as the baby will be dead, so please send it this afternoon." While I gasped inwardly at the audacity of the prayer, she added, "And while You are about it, would You please send a dolly for the little girl so she'll know You really love her?"

As often with children's prayers, I was put on the spot. Could I honestly say, "Amen"? I just did not believe that God would do this. Oh, yes, I know that He can do everything, the Bible says so. But there are limits, aren't there? The only way God could answer this particular prayer would be by sending me a parcel from my homeland. I had been in Africa for almost four years at that time, and I had never, ever received a parcel from home. Anyway, if anyone did send me a parcel, who would put in a hot water bottle? I lived on the equator! Halfway through the afternoon, while I was teaching in the nurses' training school, a message was sent that there was a car at my front door. By the time I reached home, the car had gone, but there, on the veranda, was a large twenty-two pound parcel. I felt tears pricking my eyes. I could not open the parcel alone, so I sent for the orphanage children. Together we pulled off the string, carefully undoing each knot. We folded the paper, taking care not to tear it unduly. Excitement was mounting. Some thirty or forty pairs of eyes were focused on the large cardboard box. >From the top, I lifted out brightly colored, knitted jerse ys. Eyes sparkled as I gave them out Then there were the knitted bandages for the leprosy patients, and the children looked a little bored. Then came a box of mixed raisins and sultanas - that would make a batch of buns for the weekend. Then, as I put my hand in again, I felt the.....could it really be? I grasped it and pulled it out - yes, a brand-new, rubber hot water bottle. I cried. I had not asked God to send it; I had not truly believed that He would. Ruth was in the front row of the children. She rushed forward, crying out, "If God has sent the bottle, He must have sent the dolly too!" Rummaging down to the bottom of the box, she pulled out the small, beautifully dressed dolly. Her eyes shone! She had never doubted! Looking up at me, she asked: "Can I go over with you and give this dolly to that little girl, so she'll know that Jesus really loves her?" That parcel had been on the way for five whole months. Packed up by my former Sunday school class, whose leader had heard and obeyed God's prompting to send a hot water Bottle, even to the equator. And one of the girls had put in a dolly for an African child - five months before, in answer to the believing prayer of a ten-year-old to bring it "that afternoon."

"Before they call, I will answer" (Isaiah 65:24) This awesome prayer takes less than a minute. When you receive this, say the prayer,... that's all you have to do. No strings attached. Just send it on to whomever you want - but do send it on. Prayer is one of the best free gifts we receive. There is no cost but a lot of rewards.

Let's continue praying for one another... Father, I ask you to bless my friends reading this right now. I am asking You to minister to their spirit at this very moment. Where there is pain, give them Your peace and mercy. Where there is self doubting, release a renewed confidence to work through them. Where there is tiredness or exhaustion, I ask You to give them understanding, guidance, and strength as they learn submission to Your leading. Where there is spiritual stagnation, I ask You to renew them by revealing Your nearness, and by drawing them into greater intimacy with You. Where there is fear, reveal Your love, and release to them Your courage. Where there is a sin blocking them, reveal it, and break its hold over the lives of my friends. Bless their finances, give them greater vision, and raise up leaders and friends to support and encourage them. Give each of them discernment to recognize the evil forces around them, and reveal to them the power they have in You to defeat it. I ask you to do these things in Jesus' name.

. "Do not ask the Lord to guide your footsteps if you're not willing to move your feet."

Take that step today and talk to God about it.

"Before they call, I will answer" (Isaiah 65:24)

Love!

My Side- Burns

Hi

I go through different blogs daily and I always pray and wish I have the energy and zeal other bloggers have to update daily!

Muaahhhhhhhhhhh, you guys are wonderful.

Over the weekend, I decided to spot the infamous Sade Adu hairstyle. A few strands of your hair will be weaved at a time, remember? (Chics you know now and guys, ask your GF for a description ok?).

This particular hairstyle brought out my beauty and you need to see my “opon” (shinning/ reflective forehead) it is as clear as a mirror! I remember that “Opon” was a prefix attached to my name while in high school.

I had gone to retouch my hair and my “retouching- hairdresser” as usual commented on my side-burns. So this “weaving-hairdresser” too commented on my side burn while working on the hair (I have different hair dressers for different hair dos to keep my sanity in check and because most of them are suegbe/pako…… to borrow the Great Fela’s words.)

Their comments on my side burns took me down memory lane.

Ok background check, I went to a co-ed secondary school where we all must wear low cuts (not baby curls at all) both boys and girls, Baba God blessed your truly with this side burns that was almost meeting under my chin (for a woman when I no be winch?).

I never liked this extra hair growing on my face and my “family barber” made matter worse.

Small info our our barber….

His barbing salon is named “Orilowo Barbing Shop, No trouble”(someone should please help me translate that to English).

Mr No trouble is the owner, apprentice, manager, cleaner ( every name you can think of in a business enterprise) in that shop.

You need to see the chair we use while trying to get our hair “sliced” (definitely not cut). It is a nylon covered chair hinged on something that looks like a rim. You have to turn with the chair anytime there is a need to do so.


Mr trouble’s clippers nko? Na die. He cuts through your hair as if you are trimming a garden and it takes like 30mins to get your hair shaved.

My first time in Orilowo, no trouble’s shop, I had spoken with my dad about the need to get a hair cut.

Daddy yours truly: O ya enter car, let’s go.

Yours truly : very happy as I was planning to cut my hair to the latest “punk” hair style in town.

Daddy yours truly: I know a very good barber around now, ok?

Yours truly: ok

On getting to the “good barber’s shop” I noticed he was an elderly man with pot belly and immediately my instinct told me this was going to be my worst nightmare.

No trouble: “Weecome”, who wan to cut?

I stepped forward sheepishly and I was asked to climb the chair. He used one silly looking cloth like that to cover me up.

Your truly: Please just trim the hair as I don’t want to shave sir.

Mr No trouble: Okeee (with dirty teeth)

It is only in Mr No trouble’s shop that he cuts your hair without you looking at the mirror the chair is positioned in such a way that it backs the mirror. You only get to check out yourself when he is through with the damage!

My head was thoroughly abused and tortorued,.

When he was through, he bathed my head with Methylated Spirit and he now used this brush (exactly like a paint brush) to apply powder on my head and face and dust off the hair. That man should have been sued a long time ago

No trouble: Oya, Luk at your fain face in the glass.

when i managed to turn with the chair,I felt like dying, He shaved my head and left my side burns, just imagine! I was looking like a masquerade.


He now “carved” my hair from my face and I looked like a diagram. I burst into tear because I couldn’t imagine how I would carry that head to my school the following day.

I insisted that he gummed back my hair anyhow. But the deed was done and could not be repaired again.

I don’t know what my father saw in Mr no troubles but I ended up going there12 times a year for like 3 years. Getting my hair cut was a horror!

My brother and I later discovered that my dad normally signals Orilowo No trouble to shave our hairs as we always complain while attempting to comb it.

Mr orilowo just refused to open his shop one day and that was how he just disappeared into thin air and we never saw him afterwards.

The man made me hate my side burns so much till i started getting compliments.

ODE TO MY SIDE-BURNS

Oh my side-burns
You’ve stayed with me all these while
Through thick and thin
Through Orilowo No trouble Clippers
Through Harmattan and rainy season
Oh my side-burns.

Oh my side-burns
You stood the test of time
Through Hair relaxers to change your texture
Through silly attempt to make you join the rest of the pack (my hair)
Through those days I never liked you
Oh my side-burns

Oh my side-burns
You have made me proud
Heads turn to look at me
Because you are “strategically placed”
Hold you in high esteem

Because you have made me beautiful
Oh My side-burns!


Love!

In A Nutshell!

Happy New Year to y’all

Sorry I did not update on time.

I thought this time of the year will be pretty free for me but ALAS!, was wrong (lol). I mean January is a month where people would have emptied their accounts for the much awaited December vacation/Holiday and then arm folding will start, but my peeps are now super-sharp, come and see plenty people in the banking hall? O su mi men!

How was your Christmas and New Year holiday? I have gone round almost all the blogs my hands can click on and I discovered everyone had loads and loads of fun. Can you believe I did not have any?

Where do I start?

24th December…. Got a mail, I was nominated for a bloody reconciliation at my head office and that yours truly should prepare to sleep over. You will not believe I was in there till 30th! Every single night (6pm – 6am). I had free periods in the morning but I mean I was just busy sleeping. But mennnnn!, it is not easy working during the night at all.

31st December…………..went to church to pray about my life . I need to have an exciting one in 2008 (lol).

1st January………. Went to one of these eateries and it turned out to be a big mistake, I regretted going there self. ….., had to check out 3 places before I made up my mind on just staying in one as I didn’t want to go back home, each was filled to the brim and they all had a deejay blasting all sorts of music you can think of. All pretty too loud for a reasonable human being.

2nd January….resumed work and I have been busy since then lol!

So that was how I spent my last holiday ……………pretty boring se?

Well I have made up my mind to have a blast this year…..part of my New Year resolution, lol!
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Sat back and ran through my life in 2007, I thank God for life and sound health but I did not maximize the resources I had at my disposal. I need to work on so many things about myself.

Initially felt this might be too heavy for the first post in the year but hey what the heck!

Here is the issue, I don’t have close allies (male or female, none at all) I only have acquaintances/friends. Get me right, I am not egotistical or haughty but I just can’t make close friends or rather I can’t keep them (that sounds more like it).Yours truly cannot wake up and say I’m going to see a friend. My typical day…… I watch T.V all through, all sorts, from cartoons to comedy. It’s so bad that we had a team bonding session in my office and I was just yelling like a 3 year old girl (all because I have not had such fun in a very very long time). Please what is wrong with me? Lol!

You all know this song done by Celine Dion….when I fall in love it will be forever? This has never been my case. In 2007, I met someone and now He is gone! It is my entire fault. I think I “stepped” in love with a part of me outside of the relationship. I have never been raped or abused but I just can’t let go! Am I selfish?

I have never been inclined to have a sexual relationship with a female (abeg o, before you start thinking evil thoughts). I go into a relationship with a ‘win-win’ attitude so I ended up not giving my all to keep it. Am I normal? Yours truly cannot sing this verse like Celine, “When I give my heart, it will be completely!


I have been asking myself if I am selfish or something but the bottom line is I need help! My life is too monotonous.

Send in your advice fast because I desire to change for the better this 2008


Ops, I also procrastinate a lot. How do I stop that too? Lol!


Hugs and kisses

Merry Christmas

I wanna wish you a merry christmas

I wanna wish you a merry christmas,

From the bottom of my heart!

( this is sealed with a kiss!)


Even though i am sending this christmas message right from my desk top at work, it is a sincere wish from my heart to you......


YOU

- that just " surf " thru my blog

- that took time to read but don't comment

- that reads and comment


- my Blogville family


- @ work that found this blog whether thru peeping or jazz (lol!)

- B, not sure if you are reading this, but i miss you so much . my sister in crime lol! (@ work )

- T, i am sorry about everything , but know that you have a special place in my heart and i'll miss you

-K, my editor in chief , boss and paddy for jungle! Enjoy your vacation,christmas and new year holiday!

-to all my fans; home and away! lol .....One love!


Enjoy your holiday and please DRINK RESPONSIBLY (i never join any NGO ..... no mind me ok? lol)

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8 Weird things about ME

1) I can talk on the phone with you for the next 2 years but when we hook up one on one, i can hardly converse up to 15mins !

2) I dont eat YAM outside my house cos I can't eat it without mashing it up with my fork and then eating as if i aint got teeth! Same goes for potatoes...boiled, fried, baked ,sundried any form you give me i mash them up!

3) I am a proper Yoruba breed but i CANNOT pray in my local dialect....Yoruba. i guess this is weird! I only pray in English oo and omo Yoruba proper ni mi! God save me. lol!

4) Dont know if this is wierd or not, but i dont know how to keep a clean wardrobe. If i take time out to sort and arrange clothes and shoes, i get scared to take any clothe / shoe because i trust i will scatter the whole thing before you say Jack! lol!

5) I dont know how to think or reflect on issues because nothing gets to me. I force myself most times to pretend that i am thinking about an issue so that people will not think i am a "winch".....lol!

6) i forget things easily .... I know this is very wierd and i am praying about it,I dont remember people's names or faces. i can't recall stuffs that happened last year but i can try on ten year old gist! lol! Do you know that i cannot remember my classmates University? I met a secondary school classmate at a wedding in sometimes ago and the way i responded to her was bad. I think i embarrased her.It is really bad as i saved her name as school mate on my phone. (as i didnt want to ask her for her name,lol!) Also saw a sista we joined my bank together and i couldnt place her face. ( saw her this year just after 5 years o )

7)i have only fought once in my life time and it was with my brother! Guess i am "ole" (lazy) ? brother and i. i no dey fight ooo Omo jeje ni mi ! lol

8) I have plenty male friend but i have not succeeded in keeping any as hubby! wierd innit?

9) for the extras...... I don't know nada about my menstral cycle. i have tried so many times to understand what its all about and how to monitor the d*** thing, but i have never succeeded, not even once. I can put Sanitary towel in my bag for 2 weeks all becos i dont know when g-red will come.weird abi?

I dont know who to tag again but once you read this post ( even without commenting) then you are tagged! lol

Enjoy your Christmas

Peace Out !( i am turning to a nigga abi? lol)

For Your Time

hello all

Sorry i have not posted on my blog for a while as they say in yoruba, "this hill did not allow me to see that hill" lol. 30+ too don harrass me small make i update. Sista i don update o (next time i go look for different memes come use am update. lol)

I was ill a while ago and for the first time since i learnt to spell my name (lol) i went to the hospital for check up or rather general-body-refurbishment (lol). So i met this doctor sha (not too stunning but ok), after asking the regular questions , symptoms, when did you notice this illness?, are u coughing?, is my body temperature normal?, do i have two heads? lol

The doc told yours truly to lie down on the examination table and the next thing he asked me to remove my clothes(just my shirt sha. As i be JJC (Johnny-just-come) for hospital, i dutifully agreed and he started using stethoscope to touch me i mean chest( i be woman now so i no get chest...lol), stomach on top Malaria! what the @@@@**!

My peeps, e gba mi o (save me) na so them dey determine the level, degree or density of malaria person has? lol. I don vouch say i no go fall sick again if na the way docs dey treat malaria abi i dey too paranoid?

Come to think of it.... wouldnt it be fun if i am a doctor? not Vet doctor but for HUMANS! lol!

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For the post of the day......someone sent me this Story.......... Sit back, relax and enjoy (with groundnut, cookies,kokoro or walnuts lol)

Over the phone, his mother told him, "Mr. Belser died last night. The funeral is Wednesday."

Memories flashed through his mind like an old newsreel as he sat quietly remembering his childhood days.

"Jack, did you hear me?"

"Oh, sorry, Mom. Yes, I heard you. It's been so long since I thought of him. I'm sorry, but I honestly thought he died years ago," Jack said.

"Well, he didn't forget you. Every time I saw him he'd ask how you were doing. He'd reminisce about the many days you spent over "his side of the fence" as he put it," Mom told him.

"I loved that old house he lived in," Jack said.

"You know, Jack, after your father died, Mr. Belser stepped in to make sure you had a man's influence in your life," she said.

"He's the one who taught me carpentry," he said. "I wouldn't be in this business if it weren't for him. He spent a lot of time teaching me things he thought were important...Mom, I'll be there for the funeral," Jack said.

As busy as he was, he kept his word. Jack caught the next flight to his hometown. Mr. Belser's funeral was small and uneventful. He had no children of his own, and most of his relatives had passed away.

The night before he had to return home, Jack and his Mom stopped by to see the old house next door one more time.

Standing in the doorway, Jack paused for a moment. It was like crossing over into another dimension, a leap through space and time.

The house was exactly as he remembered. Every step held memories. Every picture, every piece of furniture.... Jack stopped suddenly.

"What's wrong, Jack?" his Mom asked.

"The box is gone," he said.

"What box?” Mom asked.

"There was a small gold box that he kept locked on top of his desk. I must have asked him a thousand times what was inside. All he'd ever tell me was the thing I value most,'" Jack said.

It was gone. Everything about the house was exactly how Jack remembered it, except for the box. He figured someone from the Belser family had taken it.

"Now I'll never know what was so valuable to him," Jack said. "I better get some sleep. I have an early flight home, Mom."

It had been about two weeks since Mr. Belser died. Returning home from work one day Jack discovered a note in his mailbox. "Signature required on a package. No one at home. Please stop by the main post office within the next three days," the note read.

Early the next day Jack retrieved the package. The small box was old and looked like it had been mailed a hundred years ago. The handwriting was difficult to read, but the return address caught his attention. "Mr. Harold Belser" it read. Jack took the box out to his car and ripped open the package. There inside was the gold box and an envelope. Jack's hands shook as he read the note inside.

"Upon my death, please forward this box and its contents to Jack Bennett. It's the thing I valued most in my life." A small key was taped to the letter. His heart racing, as tears filling his eyes, Jack carefully unlocked the box. There inside he found a beautiful gold pocket watch.

Running his fingers slowly over the finely etched casing, he unlatched the cover. Inside he found these words engraved: "Jack Thanks for your time!
Harold Belser."

"The thing he valued most...was...my time."

Jack held the watch for a few minutes, then called his office and cleared his appointments for the next two days. "Why?" Janet, his assistant asked.

"I need some time to spend with my son," he said. "Oh, by the way, Janet thanks for your time!"

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away,"



Learn to appreciate people around you for the time and attention they have devoted to you

I’m grateful for the time we’ve had as buddies in blogville.

I need you to know that I value those moments we've shared together so far

Just U & I

"Thank you for your time"!