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Tuesday, January 22, 2008

My Side- Burns



Hi

I go through different blogs daily and I always pray and wish I have the energy and zeal other bloggers have to update daily!

Muaahhhhhhhhhhh, you guys are wonderful.

Over the weekend, I decided to spot the infamous Sade Adu hairstyle. A few strands of your hair will be weaved at a time, remember? (Chics you know now and guys, ask your GF for a description ok?).

This particular hairstyle brought out my beauty and you need to see my “opon” (shinning/ reflective forehead) it is as clear as a mirror! I remember that “Opon” was a prefix attached to my name while in high school.

I had gone to retouch my hair and my “retouching- hairdresser” as usual commented on my side-burns. So this “weaving-hairdresser” too commented on my side burn while working on the hair (I have different hair dressers for different hair dos to keep my sanity in check and because most of them are suegbe/pako…… to borrow the Great Fela’s words.)

Their comments on my side burns took me down memory lane.

Ok background check, I went to a co-ed secondary school where we all must wear low cuts (not baby curls at all) both boys and girls, Baba God blessed your truly with this side burns that was almost meeting under my chin (for a woman when I no be winch?).

I never liked this extra hair growing on my face and my “family barber” made matter worse.

Small info our our barber….

His barbing salon is named “Orilowo Barbing Shop, No trouble”(someone should please help me translate that to English).

Mr No trouble is the owner, apprentice, manager, cleaner ( every name you can think of in a business enterprise) in that shop.

You need to see the chair we use while trying to get our hair “sliced” (definitely not cut). It is a nylon covered chair hinged on something that looks like a rim. You have to turn with the chair anytime there is a need to do so.


Mr trouble’s clippers nko? Na die. He cuts through your hair as if you are trimming a garden and it takes like 30mins to get your hair shaved.

My first time in Orilowo, no trouble’s shop, I had spoken with my dad about the need to get a hair cut.

Daddy yours truly: O ya enter car, let’s go.

Yours truly : very happy as I was planning to cut my hair to the latest “punk” hair style in town.

Daddy yours truly: I know a very good barber around now, ok?

Yours truly: ok

On getting to the “good barber’s shop” I noticed he was an elderly man with pot belly and immediately my instinct told me this was going to be my worst nightmare.

No trouble: “Weecome”, who wan to cut?

I stepped forward sheepishly and I was asked to climb the chair. He used one silly looking cloth like that to cover me up.

Your truly: Please just trim the hair as I don’t want to shave sir.

Mr No trouble: Okeee (with dirty teeth)

It is only in Mr No trouble’s shop that he cuts your hair without you looking at the mirror the chair is positioned in such a way that it backs the mirror. You only get to check out yourself when he is through with the damage!

My head was thoroughly abused and tortorued,.

When he was through, he bathed my head with Methylated Spirit and he now used this brush (exactly like a paint brush) to apply powder on my head and face and dust off the hair. That man should have been sued a long time ago

No trouble: Oya, Luk at your fain face in the glass.

when i managed to turn with the chair,I felt like dying, He shaved my head and left my side burns, just imagine! I was looking like a masquerade.


He now “carved” my hair from my face and I looked like a diagram. I burst into tear because I couldn’t imagine how I would carry that head to my school the following day.

I insisted that he gummed back my hair anyhow. But the deed was done and could not be repaired again.

I don’t know what my father saw in Mr no troubles but I ended up going there12 times a year for like 3 years. Getting my hair cut was a horror!

My brother and I later discovered that my dad normally signals Orilowo No trouble to shave our hairs as we always complain while attempting to comb it.

Mr orilowo just refused to open his shop one day and that was how he just disappeared into thin air and we never saw him afterwards.
The man made me hate my side burns so much till i started getting compliments.

ODE TO MY SIDE-BURNS

Oh my side-burns
You’ve stayed with me all these while
Through thick and thin
Through Orilowo No trouble Clippers
Through Harmattan and rainy season
Oh my side-burns.

Oh my side-burns
You stood the test of time
Through Hair relaxers to change your texture
Through silly attempt to make you join the rest of the pack (my hair)
Through those days I never liked you
Oh my side-burns

Oh my side-burns
You have made me proud
Heads turn to look at me
Because you are “strategically placed”
Hold you in high esteem
Because you have made me beautiful
Oh My side-burns!


Love!

96 comments:

30+ said...

E gbami o, mo keran. He did whaaaaat. Shaved your head and left the side burns. Mama mia (insert italian accent).

You looked like a diamgram


O ni pa mi, if dem sack me, I will just come and squat with you.

ROLMAO

30+ said...

Yes and do submit your ode to Daddy's girl for her blog carnival.

Naija Chickito said...

lol. that was some really funny sh*t.

Allied said...

You should submit your ode to daddysgirlali@gmail.com.

That is a funny story

little miss me said...

lol,what a funny post. your side burns must be very proud lol

princesa said...

LMAO!
What a post to start my morning!
Really funny.
I wonder where that barber is now...
I remember my barber experience as a kid too. Why do they all use that paint brush to powder faces sef?

Anonymous said...

i almost peed on my panties ooh

darkelcee,u no go kill person

i sympathize with your side burns and how u must have felt

mr orilowo really get mind ohh,to do this kind of torture to a lil girl like u for 3 years.

am sure u look real pretty now that you are all grown up with your curly side burns

omo,guyz dey fro wahala with chics like you.

Afrobabe said...

LMAO....that was hilarious girl...Thank God you out grew all that...

Olamild said...

I waz here

The Last King Of Scotland said...

that must have been so funny

Anonymous said...

Nice poem for ur side burns. I wonder how the burns will feel if it can read blog!

mesma said...

good for you gurl. embrace yourself ''warts'' and all!!

darkelcee said...

@30+

Hmmm,that man was mean, my brother got "Ekusa"(higher level of dandruff) from him. You will not be sacked by fire ok? I have sent the ode. start fasting and praying now i must win ok?.

@Naija Chickito

... funny shit? this is no be shit matter, na Orilowo! lol

@princesa

That was the easiest thing they could get then for powder application.
Thank God the dark age is over!

@Anonymous 07:49

Abeg no pee for there. It is not his fault nah, it was my dad that subjected us to the trauma.(what was he thinking?hmmmm)

@afrobabe

I am still traumatised by it all.

@Olamild

Acknowledged!

darkelcee said...

@Allied
I have done that.Need to dedicate it to Mr Orilowo no trouble!

@LMM
yep...she confirmed it to me some days back!lol

@Last King of Scotland
My brother, it aint funny at all.Going for a hair cut then was like going to hell.Crazy men!

@Anonymous 23:32
My side burn sure red this.Cos "it" was on my face while i was posting this.

@mesma
hmmm "wart"? Mba (no way) just hair growing beautifully on my face!

Simi Speaks said...

lmao.. i remember those days as well.. everyone has a terrible hair stori!!

Tayo said...

LOL!!! Can you imagine? Many guys were praying and fasting for facial hair at that age ... and God come bless you with am finish, you no come like am? Abeg leave Mr No trouble alone jare!

pink gloves said...

lol. Everyone around me thinks I am crazy! this post was too much, i couldnt stop laughing.
What is Sade Adu by the way? I dont think i ever did that style b4.

Nyemoni said...

HAHAHAHAHAHA! ROTFLMHO seriously...LOL...where have I been sef? na wah for you o! Therew was this girl in my school who had beautiful sideburns...I used to wish I had them then but alas!
Nice one darlekcee!

bumight said...

lol, me and my sister used to have some mad sideburns back in the day
whenever we had to do clap (patewo) the hairdresser had to start from our cheeks!, lol!

bimbylads said...

lolllllllllollllll...

bimbylads said...

lolllllllllollllll...

Sparkle said...

LMAO I laughed the whole time...Mr. orilowo no do u good at all o...LMAO..I no get side burs o...but I do remember those hair styles mehn...I hated shuku...bcos of d shape of myhead back then...I don't even know hwo to describe it...but as I grew up...my head formed a better shape...I can actyallu carry a low cut and ppl think i look better with it...if na back then...when u see me for low cut make u just jump inside bush...LMAO dis post made my day!

Sparkle said...

but come o...U nmo get picture of ur head when he shave am??? LOL make we laugh small...LOL just kidding

pamelastitch said...

LOL!!!

This is so funny.

darkelcee said...

@Simi
... Terrible is an understatement. i still get part 2 self. lol thanks
@tayo
...let me hold him. he de-humanized me now
@pinkgloves
....please stop and u aint crazy. thisis nothing but the truth

darkelcee said...

@Nyemoni
I can dash you mine as they say 'love is sharing'.

@Bumight
Lol. no mind those hairdressers. but it is really painful trying to do that.

@Bimbylads
LAWLLLLLLL

@Sparkle
i am happy the post made your day.I no get but i am sure you will laugh all day if you had seen the pix.

@Pamelastich

Thanks sis! lol

Nyemoni said...

haha! You wish!

Sasuke said...

men your poor teddy! well in fairness to the inhumane barber maybe he was trying to cull the hair from covering your face as it could be mistakened for a beard... thank God for you

Toochi said...

LMAO!

Queen of My Castle said...

LMAO!!! That was hilarious. Poor baby.

I always wished I had short curly side burns as a child, but I am nearly hairless, I don't even have to shave my legs as the hairs do not grow! Weird, huh? LOL

caramel said...

omgggggggggggggg this is funny..mr no trouble..lmao

princesa said...

UPDATE!!!

Nyemoni said...

UPDATE O JARE! LOL!

darkelcee said...

@Nyemoni
....LAWLLLLL

@Sasuke
You dey side Mr Orilowo? not fair at all. thanks for the holla.

@toochi
Lol. thanks

@QMC
u aint weird at all. I have a friend that his nickname is bottle cos he is hairless. you now now bottle no dey get anything for body! lol

@Caramel
Mr No trouble na kolo.

@Princesa
e no easy to update

@Nyemoni
I will try update but yours must go first.

Adekunle Shobowale said...

Look like a Diagram? LMAO

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