Monday, October 01, 2007

Random thots


I travelled to the eastern part of naija some weeks back for a friend's wedding and i decided to go by road partly because yours truly was broke and also because i don't bloody know anywhere in naija.( travelling by air doesn't help matters). Sha i boarded the car (was scared of those luxury buses) and the woman beside me led us to pray and could you believe that we did the prayer session for 90minutes ( i mean one and a half hours!) i had joined in the prayers initially as i was afraid of winch people too but at a point i started getting distracted and i didn't want to show it before it will turn to a deliverance session for me. Most of the prayers were like this ; "Father, konqual (conquer) every evil on the way, on the driver, every other passenger in Jesus name" Don't get me wrong, its good to pray infact i am a God-fearng person but praying for 90mins out of the 360minutes of the journey wetin remain? lol!

A client came to the office the other day ( you know all these pretty boxed up mallams, well educated and handsome? hmmm exactly the picture in your head) sha i learnt he drove in with the latest Toyota Avalon and my security man whispered to me in heavly accented yoruba; 'anti, inu oko yen dabi parlour ni oo' ( aunty, the car interior looks as if it is a proper living room with settee) i laughed and commented to the customer about his car, guess his response? .................... dear, let me come and pick you on sunday to show you the interiors! Arrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh, when the car is outside my office premises and i can see it just by peeping through the window,why wait till sunday ? will i be able to take it home afterwards? My people, please search me o.

Who can help me log on to and play the deal or no deal game show for me? i need the 100,000usd fast we will share the money 60-40. fair enough?

I need someone to help me tell multichoice to do this channel shuffle thing during the day time in naija, cos i took time to watch the action plan over the weekend and i learnt that it will take place on 4th October 2007 by 2am naija time and also the decoder must be powered on for the download to be successful. Iam sure they have forgotten the naija factor! PHCN/NEPA. Any thing can and will happen on that day,i am so sure of it(can bet my October salary on it self). I suggest it is done during the daytime here so that we can use our generators ooo and assist them to help us do the shuffle. abi what do you feel?

How come my stomach is not as flat as a dining table? I urgently need a flat tommy (please) don't give the me the exercise story, I lack the zeal and zest for continuity.( You get what i mean ? )

The above reminded me of a pill i read online and i ordered for . Actually i wanted to slim down without exercising or cutting back my chocolate and ice cream intake. sha i got the pill and it was as big as a Size AA battery(1.5volts) and on the container was the inscription;

Recommended for people that wants to slim down but don't want to cut down their food intake
in other words it was for 'alajenus' (

sha, the dosage was 2 tablets (can i call it tablets?) by 11am then another 2 by 3pm daily for the next 60days. (dem wan kill person? swallowing like 4 battries daily can send one to a coma now...........laughs) but becos i had plans i used the drug judiciously for the first 2 weeks of purchase and stopped after that.

The reason why i stopped? hmmmm long story o. i am not a breakfast person normally just take coffee in the morning and i take doughnut and soda in the afternoon (not ordinary doughnuts ooo, the one with chocolate toppings or heavily laced with abuse me at all can't help myself) but sha i noticed that anytime i take these 'batteries' i must eat in the morning i mean food not snack and i am always starving by afternoon and by the end of the 2 weeks i added like 4kg instead of going down.

I am sure the drug was made by jokers and for other jokers for a big loud joke . It was really crazy.

But if you want to slim down i still have 2 new bottles of these batteries for your consumption.Let me know if you are interested because i will also pay for the shipping (what are friends for ? lol)

Fellow naija people, Happy Independence, please pop champagne and click glasses to celebrate. 47 years no be joke


acainto said...

thanks for your comments! Your post made me laugh! At least the 90 min prayer was not before a meal at the dinner table, as has been known to be the case!

Anonymous said...

''we will share the money 60-40. fair enough?'' i can help you but i need it to be ratio 7:3 i get 70 grand while you take the balance........ deal or no deal?

bimbylads said...

lolllllllllllllll.. clown, see me laughing my head off.. a4 battery ke?? lollllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll.....

darkelcee said...

@acainto:i definately will not do 90mins prayers before a meal with anybody. no way man! Will allow deliverance service after the meal thanks buddy!
@anonymous: haaaaaaaaa (wailing) NO DEAL! i gave the concept now pleaseeeeee lets do 60:40. 60 been mine o. call me on 080************.
@bimby: i no lie ooo the drug big no be small. abi you want?
thanks to all for stopping by

Daddy's Girl said...

LOLLL You are hilarious with the AA battery pills... LOL Nice blog, will keep coming back.

darkelcee said...

@daddy's girl... Or are you interested? just kidding (lol) thanks dear

unshined congo said...

hmmm i will first of all start with the del or no deal stuff cos i like money well well.. should we do it 90-10?? haba now.. u too like money. as for the stomach thing..hmm my sister i have been struggling with the battle of the bulge for months now oh..i am seriously developing metumbe.. we shall overcome oh!!

darkelcee said...

@unshined congo..... We shall overcome someday, Deep in my heart i do believe, we WILL overcome some day .(raise ur fist in agreement) ROFL!!!!!

DiAmOnD hawk said...

nice blog!

darkelcee said...

@diamond hawk-thanks.....rushing to read ur blog sharpish!

darkelcee said...

@diamond hawk-thanks.....rushing to read ur blog sharpish!

bighead said...

lol @ your "batteries". I'm sure the manufacturers are laughing well about the "joke".

darkelcee said...

@big head.... Na kolo people dem be, they are ROFL (with a knowing and wicked grin on their faces) at the production, distribution and consumption process isi-ewu people.Enjoy