Sunday, October 07, 2007

My Series of Firsts!

What’s good ? cool I guess.

Today is for first time of almost everything in my life. Guess the list is inexhuastive as I am still breathing and there will definitely be more of that as I tread along planet earth (or Pluto...laughs!)

Ok quick background check of my self. I grew up very fast, I mean by age 9 I had almost all the features of being a young woman and was almost an adolescent. I was bigger than my brother, who was 2 years older than I and growing up was pretty fast for yours truly.

The first time I wore a bra , I was 8 yrs 5 months (pretty fast se, I was in primary school?) and they weren’t the size of lime fruit ooo, my boobs were big . You remember those days that girlsjust wear their school uniforms over their panties and or the big girls wears ‘vest’ or ‘singlets’ (or shimi).Yours truly was already a proud owner of strapless bras(they were not padded ones….lol). The funny thing was that I couldn’t even remember the make of those bras guess because I was very young.
The first time I saw grandmother red………. I was 9 years old . You see I am the last born of my family and I was a sort of tomboy. All my friends were guys and I climb trees a lot. It was during the holidays and I was on the tree as usual with my buddies when I felt wetness in my pants. I went to check it out and when I saw blood I called my buddies for an inspection and diagnosis. They all ran away thinking I had wounded my self during the tree climbing process. I cried home and met my brother(boys they say will always be boys) who organized a sanitary towel for me and I went back to my buddies with the full gist of what happened and everyone of us checked my panties every 30minutes for new stuff(crazy se?lawl!!!!!!!!!!!!). My mum was in the UK then and when she was told that her baby had started seeing her monthly stuff she called me for a training session on the phone……don’t touch boys, cut off the relationship with all your buddies blah blah blah. Trust yours truly now, I relayed every message to my peeps and concluded it with if any of them smile at me na belle ooo….lol.The funny part was that i never knew how to monitor my cycle all because I was very young. Was later taken to the hospital cos my parents were not comfortable with the age thing and the doctor said I will start my menopause early ( so I should be encouraged to must marry early!) but here I am 19 years after still single like letter I but mumsy reminds me whenever she has the opportunity (lol).
My first day in secondary school, I cried all day as I was a big baby ( and that was the trend thru out my first term). My classmate felt I was very old as they were still in their pants whereas your truly was a bra wearing J.S.S 1 student ….. funny oo . How many people will I tell that I was just going to be 10 years old? I was the last student on my class roll during the assembly cos I was bigggggggggg. The thought of this embarrassment almost made me to stop school oo (that was deinately a pretty joke because of Mumsy
The first time I bought some set of pants for my self was awesome and unforgettable. You see my mum used to buy pants for me o and she buys boxers (lol!) You know those kinds of pants that start from the stomach and ends around your thighs….lol. She says a lady's pants must cover all. So the first time I bought one for my self ...........hmmmmm,it was a g-string/thong (laughs!) in defiance to my mum. The first time I wore it I was looking all around me because I felt naked thot every one saw my butts (after wearing boxer for almost 20years…what else would you expect?) I just wish you can see the look on my mother’s face anytime she sees me wears those gees (lol) ..but as 2face sang; ’ as you see me so I NO SEND U ooo’ any more. Laughs!
The first time I made ‘Amala’….. I still have the scars on my leg . Men it was horrible I poured the whole mixture on my legs while trying to turn it .Funny now when I think of it but aint funny then because I cried so much.
The first time I was robbed (will definitely be the last time in Jesus name, even the thot alone makes me shudder!). The gang leader asked me for my bag and my gullible self tried to look up at him to explain that another fella had it. Mennnnnn the guy landed me a slap between my right eye and cheekbone (I guess the guy wore a ring or somin) because ordinary slap shouldn’t be as destructive as that (lol). I saw the popular stars that we see in cartoons and I couldn’ t see with the eye for a week. I mean if ordinary light rays reflects near the eye, head ache will start immediately. It was a terrible experience.
The first time I boarded a plane? It was terrifying, just 45mins but my eardrum was practically blocked for the whole journey. But I survived and I am used to it now.Train nko? Spent three days from Ibadan to Abeokuta (a 45mins trip on a normal day). I had fun sha but the memory was a bit blurred as I was rather small.
The first time on a pedestrian bridge, I was just reciting our Lord’s prayers till I crossed over. Still scared of the stuff till now. My style is to stare ahead and not look down before I go summersault inside express road.
The first time grandmother red refused to show face….. my mama hala no be small. Na me carry my mouth go tell say I no see my visitor ooo .I knew say I no get belle as I had heeded her advice to run away from boys. She ranted and screamed murder, fire and brimstone then concluded that we were going to see the doctor the following day. I think the shout forced grandma to show face that same day ooo (im dey too fear my mama abi…lol!)
My first day at work, I woke up by 3am after a sleepless nite, sha managed to roll on the bed till 6am then I wore my clothes ( over dressed oo) and resumed to the office only to see people whispering about me. It was later that I was told that I dressed like an undergraduate having been selecting and re-selecting the clothes 2 weeks before resumption.
The first time I went to a nite party was hilarious. I went with my gurls and we came back to the hostel around 3am and we had to ‘scale’ the fence. Everyone climbed without an itch but na yours truly scatter everything. As I tried to jump through, my skirt caught the iron whatever on the fence and my hand slipped. Next thing na gbosa I hear for ground , I screamed and my hostel matron heard the noise. I had to manage to climb thru fast before she catches me as she would have reported me to my mum (them be close paddy). The following day she called a meeting and started sparking face, blah blah blah and that why can’t any of the girls be like me( can you imagine!) who is a quiet girl and always avoiding trouble. If looks could kill I wouldn’t have been alive today as those girls were just eyeing me.

The first time I kissed……I opened my mouth wide as if i was the predator trying to eat up my prey. But I am much better now (definitely at my age and size now ….lol). Abi you want proof?
My first crush…. The boy was feeling me too (or so I thot) but we were too young to do any thing about it. He is just too fine( I mean after so many years I now heard he has 4 kids by 4 different women who are all older than him ……I no lie oo) I always walk tall and proud that the most handsome boy in school could feel me. Do you know we never dated? It is now that I realized that maybe all he felt for me was pity for falling for him …………!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gotta run.



rethots said...

Why does it feel this post ain't complete?

Anonymous said...

what about the first time you shag? You don't what us to know? kolo girl

darkelcee said...

@rethots.... what else do you want to see in the post? Hope it's not what i am thinking o.....naughty, naughty!!
@Anonymous: Shag ke? We don't do that in our church! leave me jo, no spoil person.

thanks for your comments. I appreciate.

30+ said...

Grandmother ke where did you come up with such a name like that. LOl at you and your friends checking grandmother every 30mins and they were boys chai...

Thanks for stopping by my blog

bimbylads said...

@ anon! LOLLLLLLLLLL... lovey post as always,,,pele on d amala scars

darkelcee said...

@30+......don't even know where i got the G-red from sha.when i see all these boys now, shame dey catch me sometimes o.
@bimby.. no mind am, i am sure na guy, shag ko sheg ni.


acainto said...

Nice read...can't believe that robbery experience...hope it's the first AND last!!!

darkelcee said...

@acainto......i can't believe it either, bad experience. Amennnnnnn. thanks for the prayers

Writefreak said...

you really did grow up fast! wow, bra at age 9, i was still wearing shinmi! you definitely have a great list of firsts!

Anonymous said...

when is part 2 coming out? because you no finish the list

darkelcee said...

@writefreak..... na so i see am o, my sis no be me na!

@anonymous 2.08pm..... part 2 ke? you think this is nigerian home muveee? lol. well lets see,i can still think of other stuff really. but jut keep your fingers crossed ok?
thank a bunch!

cally-waffybabe said...
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unshined congo said...

LMAO @ grandma red,Bra, first kiss, infact@everything.. gotta go through ur archives...

darkelcee said...

@C-W.........thanks for stopping by
@unshinedcongo.... thanks gurl i appreciate it.

cally-waffybabe said...

Okay time for an update now babe. and hurry up if you don't want me to strip in frustration!!!

darkelcee said...

@C-W... my sister na work o! i will update before weekend sha. thanks for the love.

unshined congo said...

hmm CWB! so u wan strip in sexual frustration again abi?? okay oh. make i close mouth oh..i nor wan enter

darkelcee said...

@unshined congo.... abeg leave CWB. Na expression now, abi?
Cally-Waffy babe no mind am abeg (old things have passed away ........ lol)

I'll update soon


Okay, shame on you! After giving us such sweet gist, you end it all so abruptly. E no good oh!

More firsts, please! Your stories have me laughing hard!

cally-waffybabe said...

Babe, practice what you preach o! In fact if to say i sabi say you nefer update, i no for update too...
Well, maybe i should take down my update now and put it back up after you've updated!!! *stripping for real now in frustration*

darkelcee said...

@solomonsydelle... no be my fault ma'am na laziness no make me go beyond that.
thanks for stopping by

@CWB... except you are willing to get me another job then my updates will be daily. so holla me for the offer letter.

P.S ....i want oil based/related company and i don't mean palm or vegetable oil

thanks sweetie!

Allied said...

First time on ur blog and i love it. Sorry about the robbery , that one was sad.

2ndCorin5:17 said...

thanks a LOT for stopping by my blog.. I'll be back 2 read more of urs. Stay blessed buddie

Sparkle said...

I should do one of these...nice

Sparkle said...
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Sparkle said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
darkelcee said...

@allied... thanks a bunch for the love. like Yoruba will say 'a ni ri iru e mo'(same 'evil' thing will not happen again)by FIRE in Jesus name

@2conrinthian 5-17 i booked marked that passage in my bible (2 different color highlights) so i will also add ur blog to my favorites!
thanks a bunch buddie!

@sparkle.... You should, so've been tagged!


princesa said...

Your blog is cool babe!

I enjoyed this post. Hilarious except for the armed robbers bit. I have also had some terrible experiences with those men of the underworld...Not anything one would pray to go thru twice.

I started wearing bras at age 13 and saw my first period at 14. Guess that means my menopause still far abi? lol!


Labelle said...

Great list of firsties!

bimbylads said...

loll. aunty if u harrass me to update again ehn!! see u never update SINCE SUNDAY??!!!! can u imagine? lollllllll..

Anonymous said...

I love this post, i think i'll try this as well, hehehehe. LOL@ur period story, you were a real tomboy. Thanks for dropping by my page, have a lovely weekend:)


The Beads Factor said...

I just want to introduce my blog to you.
I do hope you would drop by,

darkelcee said...

@princesa....pele dearie, God will not allow a repeat in our lives in Jesus name.
as an expert in that issue (even though i read Mass!) Your menopause will just be 5 year ahead of mine abi? lol! How is Mumsy doing? kiss her 4 me.

@labelle.....abi? what's good? thanks for stopping by.

@Bimbylads..... na devil o, My work has been crazy.Ok i will not hurry you for update again. ok? lol!
@Sewa....thanks dearie


darkelcee said...

@ beadfactor... thanks for stopping by.


anonymous gal said...

love laffin ma head off

Omosewa said...


darkelcee said...

@anonymous gal......thanks for dropping a line

i appreciate
@ omosewa .... i don update o
so? clap for me

The Last King Of Scotland said...

the first time i came to this blog...i liked it

darkelcee said...

@TLKS: thanks for the that.

Respect bro! lol!

The Beads Factor said...

I just read your latest post: Fantasies and I laffed soooo hard. Babes, back then I also thought it rocked for gals to smoke...
Thanx for dropping by @ my blog

bighead said...

All i dey see here na bra, pant, period, belle...guys stay away for this post. It contains way toooo much information for us.

darkelcee said...

@the beads factor.. thanks sis.

@bighead... if i catch you , i have a black belt in kungfu and kick fighting .where you see belle for here?i still dey market o.