Help a Sister

hmmmmmm i need help oooo

Serious one infact this post is with high priority!

I need lectures on how to be more romantic. (Did I hear u laugh?) This is not a joke ooo. It’s a matter of life and death.

I think I am too stiff; I don't relax and don't bloody know how to have fun.

I need to know how to organize a romantic dinner for two under the candle light (without fear of hot wax dripping on my head and making me bald.) You know all those dinner stuff with candles everywhere as if person wan do breakthrough prayers for cele church?

I need to know how to stroll on the beach with my boo without the fear of Atlantic Ocean sweeping me away (I can't even float not to talk of swim). I need to know how to be in a boat ride without squeezing my face in terror because of all evil thots of drowning going thru my head and whispering the psalm 91.

I need to know how to seat on an astro wheel and clinging to my boo instead of holding on to the railings (as if my life depends on it) with a high pitch scream filled with fear.

I need to know how to sing love song and dance all night like they do in Indian films (remember Dharmendra ) or my Igbo brothers in Home muvee.

I need to know if i should send flowers or chocolate (abi na cigar?) to him? i am a big joker right? laughs!

I need to know how to look into my boo’s eyes all day whispering sweet nothing without blinking or thinking in my heart what the f**k am I doing here, checking my wrist watch to confirm how many minutes we’ve spent idle or wondering if my baby will think I am doing drugs as my eye color signifies that.

I need to know how to organize surprise dinner (breakfast and lunch is out of the question except i wan loose my job!) for my baby without checking my account balance or using my mental calculator to have an idea of how much I am left with by EOM (End of Month).

I need to know how to order gifts for my baby on a normal day even when it is not Christmas, his birthday, our anniversary or Easter.( i am a mixed breed and ijebu blood seem the most prominent.....haha haha)

I need to know how to end every telephone conversation with ‘I love you baby’, ‘Miss you so much’ etc and every chat with kiss, love and hug emoticons without thinking if if i a bug don chop yours truly or somin.

I need to know how to go to muvee with my baby without trying to stifle a yawn or two after a hard day’s work and also look cheerful without a puffy eye or tiredness well spelt out on my face.

I need to know how to use words like , baby, sweet,honey, sweetheart,sugar,soda or cookies (lol) etc instead of calling him his full name with his surname togther. (all his 3 names comes to mind when i am fuming.)

I need so many other love tips

Who will help me?