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Monday, September 03, 2007

Scoin- Scoin,my own share.

Sorry I have been MIA for a while.

Na Malaria hook me completely. Naija and malaria, I’m beginning to think they are both inseparable, maybe naija’s surname na malaria self because it is really getting on the high side. (I will send my blog to Yar’Adua, as I don get the miracle tonic to prevent and cure it make the man make me minister for health or any other ministry I go still eradicate malaria and swallow money….. all join).

I don’t even know who to pay royalty to in using the scoin – scoin word, Please, contact me for the electronic funds transfer for using part of your words but Yours truly has her own share of scoin scoin for reallll.

There was this IM stuff (……..take a deep breath) I jammed one time like that, one user come hook up Yours truly. What actually happened was on that chat I had my real name and come put my papa name join when I signed up initially ( na only my phone no wey no dey no be foolishness be that?) and this joker chat me up sha and im picture and all come and see fine set boy and me I no dey take my big eyeballs see fine boy! he mentioned working with an oil producing firm in naija and as I wan show my logo too, I foolishly tell am I dey work for bank and gullibly mentioned my unit. After I finish chatting with the stupid boy I come forward im picture to my friend to show my new catch .

My friend come ask me where I see the picture of this popular basketball player in America and wanted to know how I take hook up celebrity online. Chei!!!!!!!! This loser don play fast one on me. Agabaya! Isiewu head, Olori Eja.I am sure the silly boy will be ROFL because of my naivety and foolishness, he don see mumu for Lagos. Oniranu.I thank God that my PC was recently replaced after the old one crashed so I never get time upload my pictures because I for don forward my beaurriiffulllll face to am. But the thing pain me ehhnnn no be small thing. Scoin-scoin part 1

Sha I made up my mind that na my friends alone go know my identity for all these IMs.Before I divert from the main scoin scoin so this bloke chatted me up and I told him I work in a cyber café and gave all kind of story to present a picture of a struggling ,desperate and upcoming chic. After chatting for two days ooo im come tell me make I come sleep in his house the following weekend. Just imagine! He said he will send me money to call him on a pay phone (as I don bobo am say thief don steal my phone) when I get to his area for direction.

Bloke: So I will be expecting you.

Yours Truly: no problem, since I have your no I will call you when I get to your area. But I hope you can wake me up in the night.

Bloke: Why do I need to wake you up?

Yours truly: I need to take my drugs on time or better still if your alarm is in good condition I can make use of it.

Bloke: Do you have malaria?

Yours truly: Nope

Bloke: So what is wrong with you?

Yours truly: Nothing out of the ordinary

Bloke: Tell me now .wassap?

Yours truly: it’s not what you think. Just need to take my retroviral that’s all

Bloke: Retro what?

Yours truly: Retroviral drug

Bloke: Is it not the drug people living with HIV use?

Yours truly: Something like that.

I was lmao at the other end. Sick boy! I should come and sleep in his house after 2 days of chatting online? The bloody boy doesn’t even know my surname and he is inviting me over. That was the last conversation I had with him. Anytime I buzz him he will appear offline fast. I am sure he will be thanking his stars for shielding him against getting HIV\AIDS not knowing I just wanted to display the crazy stuff I was made of. Scoin scoin part 2.

I am sure we all have an idea of how bankers dress up looking like a models out of GQ magazine ( even if na tokunbo suit dem where…..lol!). This day I had baffed up to my throat and was feeling hype with myself. I remembered being the middle of a funny conversation with my colleagues when all of a sudden I roared with laughter and the next thing I heard was a not too loud but audible pppppssssiiiiiiiisssssssssssssss. I was like what d f**k until I saw everyone staring at me then I realised yours truly had released poisonous bio-nuclear gas. Mennn! It was terrible. I knew my late father and God will never allow my enemies to rejoice over me o. The mess no smell plenty it was kinda ‘tush’ not an ‘ajepako’ type or I for don fast and pray for a transfer from my office. I quietly excused my self and went back to my seat (I was walking like chucky’s bride or rather baby alawo as shame don overwhelmed me).Scoin-scoin part 3.

Final scoin scoin for today was when I got a job in 2002, I had followed the crazy fashion of wearing million braids (which took me bloody 3 days to finish as my head big no be small) so when it was time to loose am (around Christmas ) no saloon gree help me when they saw what was on my head and my head size. Sha Yours truly come cut the hair completely and I started wearing Angelique Kidjo style. Fast forward small, I was getting tired of the low cut so I decided to start grooming my hair back. One weekend like that I didn’t have time to make the hair and I decided to carry afro to work. Mennnn! That was the mistake of a lifetime. Let me describe my hair texture to you so that you can imagine my scoin scoin level….. My hair is strong thick and hard direct opposite of soft and silky (and my heartbeat likes rubbing it……. I can imagine what is going through his head while doing that....lol!). Coarse is the word and strong like kan-kan onigi (wooden sponge).

When I sha got to work on Monday my oga ( one ponkious woman like that ) called me and yab me no be small and after much ado about something, she come send me home oooo. She say I no go fit face customer with the bird nest on my head. Mennnnnn! it was bad. But when I think about it I laugh it off and think I should have recorded the whole joke and send to Zone Reality TV maybe I can be featured in the funny programme ‘what were you thinking?’

Omo na mental case…… kolo mental for reallll!

Gotta go .Please I want to tattoo my body, where can I put it and what do I draw write on my body?

Love
Yours truly.

68 comments:

Anonymous said...

hmmmmmm , scoin scoin..........lol! i know you have enough dose of it. k.E

Alero said...

LOL! I love the way you write

darkelcee said...

@anonymous.. i am sure we all have it one way or the other. my scoin-scoin is active but yours may be dormant (lol) no mind me.
@alero -thanks sis i appreciate
thanks to you guys for d comment

rethots said...

Brilliant

darkelcee said...

thanks a bunch

princesa said...

This post left me in stitches!
Girl you no want know my own scoin-scoin o!

bighead said...

Mehnn you are a confirmed joker. Come sleep for my house. I go wake you up when e reach time to take your anti-retrioviral.

darkelcee said...

hmm i am thinking but fear don dey catch me abi u dey take am too? lol thanks

darkelcee said...

@princesa.... go ahead feel free and share the scoin scoin ok? i am waiting

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