In my head

My peeps
This is to confirm that I keep my promise. Wassssuuuuppppp?

I want to give a shout out to everyone that left a comment on my post. You are the reason I am on blogville. I love you all and I will reply every comment soon.(I am feeling like a Gee se?). I am being lazy and the only time I have to reply all comment is in the nite (at home) and this feat is like trying to go to heaven…….dial-up connection in naija is anti-reply-a-comment. (Am I the only one in this? Both CELTEL & STARCOMMS)

As this post title signifies, these are just thoughts running through my head in the last one week so help examine my head.


I didn’t take Coca Cola on a particular Friday and by Saturday afternoon I felt like an addict suffering a relapse. Abeg Coca cola wan kill me? Had to run all over to get a chilled bottle and I felt better.Haaaa my own don better abi? Carl don get sister for Coke drinking spree.
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My peeps at home tried to persuade me to go out with them and the following conversation ensued;

Bro-in-law: Darkelcee, lets go out now because you can’t find husband with this your lifestyle. Your life revolves round Home, Office and Church. You need to go out often to hook up someone? (Please where exactly is this OUT?)

My 6yr Old Nephew: yesssssss now, she has been staying with us since. Mummy says before I was born? When will you go to your house?

See me see wahala, dem dey plan coup-de-tat for me in that house now.
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Please, how do oyinbo people think? I noticed that you can actually report a photo on facebook to the authorities! Reasons to report photo Include….nudity/pornography, Drug Use, violence, attacks individual or group. Please the question is wetin concern me to report another person’s picture?(Na jazz dem use carry me go look im profile?) I fit report my own? Who dey check the reports?
If we get our own facebook for naija, hmmmm gongo aso!. The guy in the console to monitor reports will never be at work.Infact, PHCN no go give them light to access reports at all. Fuel scarcity will back up PHCN strongly. And the site will be epileptic that you won’t be able to report anything! All hail NIGERIA!
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In the March Edition of Genevieve magazine, i read of a 23yr old naija chic who did breast enlargement / implant for a bloody sum of 4,000 British Pounds! (I dey craze?) I can’t even imagine getting one abi na buy we go call am? (Don’t need to anyway *wink*).

Please, take time out to watch Dr 92010 for a sneak into the getting one. The surgery can be compared with the process of making Asun (barbecued goat).

Heard you can use saline or silicone gel in the stuffing or filling? lollllll

Type 1
A portion of the boobs is opened up and somin that looks like Drip bag (Dextrose Saline) or Pure water bag is “tucked” into the breast and a balloon pump is inserted into the bag and then the pumping start. Air or whatever is pumped into the bag till the desired size is achieved. The “victim” is sown up and she wakes up with a bigger boobs.



Type 2
The “drip-bag” is already filled with the saline/silicone gel they forcefully tucked into the boobs. Pumping is not necessary.

Now the question is can this bag leak? Yes it can!


What if somin happens and it burst? Oh yes it does! You will only need to go for a “refill”.

Or the saline solution start to dry? Abeg, allow me to think like a novice here!

All these James bond moves is for what?

Note that this is not a bloodless surgery. !@#$%^&*_+


The recovery period varies from person to person. After the surgery, the doctor is going to put bandages around the breasts to prevent swelling. The bandages are worn for several days. After they are removed, you will need to use a surgical bra. This bra is designed to prevent excessive pressure and give enough support to your new breasts.For the first few days, the patient experiences pain and swelling.(suffering and smilling!)


The doctor will give you medication for pain.(please doctors should stop giving anything, sebi it is no pains no gain...Chikena!) The discomfort will gradually reduce within 10 days. Some swelling will still remain. The scars will look pink and larger in the beginning, but they will fade as time passes. It may take a couple of months to get back to your fitness routine, but depending on your type of work, within a few days you can return to work. Every case is different, so your doctor will tell you what is right for you……READ MORE

But really how many minutes do we have in naija before we start doing Whacko Jackco moves and our teeth, nose or tongue start falling off?

On a lighter mood!

BRA CODES

Enjoy your weekend

Random thots

Hiya!

I travelled to the eastern part of naija some weeks back for a friend's wedding and i decided to go by road partly because yours truly was broke and also because i don't bloody know anywhere in naija.( travelling by air doesn't help matters). Sha i boarded the car (was scared of those luxury buses) and the woman beside me led us to pray and could you believe that we did the prayer session for 90minutes ( i mean one and a half hours!) i had joined in the prayers initially as i was afraid of winch people too but at a point i started getting distracted and i didn't want to show it before it will turn to a deliverance session for me. Most of the prayers were like this ; "Father, konqual (conquer) every evil on the way, on the driver, every other passenger in Jesus name" Don't get me wrong, its good to pray infact i am a God-fearng person but praying for 90mins out of the 360minutes of the journey wetin remain? lol!

A client came to the office the other day ( you know all these pretty boxed up mallams, well educated and handsome? hmmm exactly the picture in your head) sha i learnt he drove in with the latest Toyota Avalon and my security man whispered to me in heavly accented yoruba; 'anti, inu oko yen dabi parlour ni oo' ( aunty, the car interior looks as if it is a proper living room with settee) i laughed and commented to the customer about his car, guess his response? .................... dear, let me come and pick you on sunday to show you the interiors! Arrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh, when the car is outside my office premises and i can see it just by peeping through the window,why wait till sunday ? will i be able to take it home afterwards? My people, please search me o.

Who can help me log on to http://www.mnetafrica.com/ and play the deal or no deal game show for me? i need the 100,000usd fast we will share the money 60-40. fair enough?

I need someone to help me tell multichoice to do this channel shuffle thing during the day time in naija, cos i took time to watch the action plan over the weekend and i learnt that it will take place on 4th October 2007 by 2am naija time and also the decoder must be powered on for the download to be successful. Iam sure they have forgotten the naija factor! PHCN/NEPA. Any thing can and will happen on that day,i am so sure of it(can bet my October salary on it self). I suggest it is done during the daytime here so that we can use our generators ooo and assist them to help us do the shuffle. abi what do you feel?

How come my stomach is not as flat as a dining table? I urgently need a flat tommy (please) don't give the me the exercise story, I lack the zeal and zest for continuity.( You get what i mean ? )

The above reminded me of a pill i read online and i ordered for . Actually i wanted to slim down without exercising or cutting back my chocolate and ice cream intake. sha i got the pill and it was as big as a Size AA battery(1.5volts) and on the container was the inscription;

Recommended for people that wants to slim down but don't want to cut down their food intake
in other words it was for 'alajenus' (gluttons.....lol)

sha, the dosage was 2 tablets (can i call it tablets?) by 11am then another 2 by 3pm daily for the next 60days. (dem wan kill person? swallowing like 4 battries daily can send one to a coma now...........laughs) but becos i had plans i used the drug judiciously for the first 2 weeks of purchase and stopped after that.

The reason why i stopped? hmmmm long story o. i am not a breakfast person normally just take coffee in the morning and i take doughnut and soda in the afternoon (not ordinary doughnuts ooo, the one with chocolate toppings or heavily laced with jam......no abuse me at all can't help myself) but sha i noticed that anytime i take these 'batteries' i must eat in the morning i mean food not snack and i am always starving by afternoon and by the end of the 2 weeks i added like 4kg instead of going down.

I am sure the drug was made by jokers and for other jokers for a big loud joke . It was really crazy.

But if you want to slim down i still have 2 new bottles of these batteries for your consumption.Let me know if you are interested because i will also pay for the shipping (what are friends for ? lol)

Fellow naija people, Happy Independence, please pop champagne and click glasses to celebrate. 47 years no be joke
Enjoy