Yours Truly

this is serious oh

2010-11-18T15:35:00.003+01:00

We thank God for his mercies, love and protection. Provision nko? He dey kampe.

How are you all doing?

I needed to urgently seek advice from my blogvile fam before this matter gets out of hand.

This is a serious issue and it is the issue of FART!

It all started like 2 weeks ago, i was walking and the next thing was a big paaa...'FART' escaping from my butts!.It has now gone worse. So bad that while laughing, talking, typing eating etc yours truly is busy farting. I can't control it again oh. please help me.

Early momo na fart
afternoon nko? same thing
Midnight, it will come

'Aint no stopping this farrrrtttt, its on the roll'

And the fart is coming at a time that i have been going to the washroom to do 'NO 2' every morning which i normally do not do. My normal 'No 2' time is once in 3-4days. but now that my system is becoming normal, this fart is embarrasing me everywhere.

I was by the water dispenser this afternoon in the office and i heard this paparapaparapappraaaa sound coming from my bum....kai. people full everywhere but dem no gree look up.I can swear that they heard the explosion but were just trying to give me my 'personal space'. please wetin i fit swallow to put an end to this shame.

The good thing is that it doesnt smell but it's too loud. I'm sure a couple of my coleagues would have noticed this evil thing but wondering wetin dey happen to my system that is revolting big time.

Fatherrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, my enemies will not catch me by fire!

I have farted like 4 times in the course doing this post. Wetin dey happen to me?
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My 10months old daughter is almost becoming a little me.As in meal times are hilarious times. she will insist on trying to feed herself and will then use the same hand to rub her hair!
Imagine! Cereals Milk, Snacks name it and my little one will ensure her hair is fertilized with the food.
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There is this young man in my office. he is in my team. he loves all this naija songs and likes playing it. The boy sabi dance sha....all this new body twisting, hand moving and distorted faces dance; he sabi all of them.

Ok before i digress, the boy plays it everywhere (i mean the music) and my mind has started picking the songs;You wont believe that i now know 'pop pop,pop pop something, make you pop champagne', 'im so endowed', 'gbongbon gbongbon(shake) . Understand this oh, i dont like the songs ( they dont edify and a heavenly consious fella should run from them) but the mind is something else, it learns so fast. so i have decided to be plugging my ears once he is around.

Remember the bible warned us to gaurd our heart dilliently for out of it flows the issues of life!

Till i update again. Take care and be blessed

Dark elooo

I hope i am back sha

2010-11-04T11:07:00.004+01:00

Hello my blogville family

We thank God for life and i am so happy we are all doing well and everyone is in top shape.I am tired of apologizing everytime i do a post late. but biko accept darkelooo like that.

Ok, quick low down for the 11months hiatus; my daughter is all grown( getting tempted to go preggers again.lol) cut my hair, got promoted despite this recession in naija, moved into a new department ( where i climb trees , buildings, mountains etc lol). Hubby is doing well and in all i give glory to God

ok blogville, i'm currently weaning oh. weaning process is very easy. my boobs are harder than rock and i have been using cashmere scarve all around (like an hajia) to avoid the embarassment of leaking boobies). hubby and i have been doing hot water compress since tuesday to relieve the pains.

i had decided that i will be the best mom and breastfeed for one and a half year, but lai lai my daughter did not allow me.

She decided to turn my boobs to chewing gum/pacifier/feeding bottle. By last weekend i had serious sore. So i quickly decided to end it before i will make guiness book of records; ''here comes the mom with no nipples'' lol. anyways i am trying to cope till this will be all over.

i dont know if it is only my daughter or its general with kids; wheneve hubby and i decide to do the mush mush moves; my daughter will be screaming to be included! imagine? 10 months old pikin oh. once you now include her she will want to climb her dad and be waiting to be tickled.

Work is hectic but what can i do than to thank God that i even have the work.

Wonders will never end, i was passing thru airport road the other day and i saw a car that had FURS all over it. it was branded for this new energy drink; (that will give u the power of gorilla i guess) but ewwww, it was creepy. furs on a car? wetin be that.

ok blogville i promise to be doing this type of short post everytime.

see you soon

THANK GOD

2010-01-07T17:12:00.003+01:00

Happy new year to all my peeps on blogville

i never imagined it will take me this long to update. hope you guys are doing well?

Ok quick gist before i go, God gave me a bouncing baby girl on 24th December around 5.45am and her weight was 3.34kg

All i can say is that natural delivery is soo sweet cos i just strolled into the labour room sleept from 23rd morning till 24th morning and i woke up only to meet the baby all dressed in a cot beside me! ( to borrow FFF's story............in my dreams it was much easier) Na lie oh it wasnt easy but it was worth it. Hubby was there all through and you need to see how he treats his queen and princess now. hehehe i must born again. lol

i will soon update on motherhood gist but one thing my mum told me i have lost forever is my SLEEP. Told my daughter today that the way she is suckling and latching on me for milk is hard and that she will soon have her baby and see how it is. my mum could not stop laughing imagine telling a 2weeks old that? when will she deliver?

wishing everyone an eventful 2010. In our pathway there is life

When will i grow up?

2009-06-09T16:22:00.002+01:00

To God be the glory for another bright and extremely sunny day. how have you guys been?

I have come again oh with my high level of foolishness.

Sit back and have a good laugh

Before i got married, i had this vision of 'enjoying' my marriage before kids start coming in. I had the mind of waiting till after one year before i start thinking of kids. Your sister got married and was constantly going to Jerusalem ( no allow me spell am out now, please decode) without using any protection. People please ask me what was i thinking?

It never crossed my mind that i would "catch" belle but blogville i don catch oh......big time.
Remembered my last post that i complained of getting fatter? apparently na lil elcees dey grow inside me.

kai women dey suffer............... the thing my eye don see in the last 2 months? abeg make i no scare the upcoming mummies in the house. Maybe i can submit my story to Bambina self?

It all started with lil headaches and tiredness it now aggravated to vomiting everything and nothing. My body temparature can boil water. i have already taken 3 days off work and i know i still have plenty months to go! I went to the hospital hoping there could be something to remove the "omolaria" that is worrying me but the doctor looked at me and said it will pass that i should manage. heheheeheheh*wailing* manage till when?

I really pitied hubby cos the dude now knows how to eat noodles well well when his wife can't cook anything. We had earlier agreed on no househelps till we start having kids but i think he is almost changing his mind now cos of the food part ( he is so hardworking that he cant cook nada)

The only food i dont throw up is Amala! Imagine? eating amala in the office when everyone is forming with correct meal. My office assistant is an angel from God, the guy comes exactly 1pm daily to ask me for money to help buy the food( i cant eat the food i manage to cook at home) . I never knew you could get good amala joint in Victoria Island but somehow the guy comes back with my bowl of steaming hot amala and ewedu. God bless his soul

My Summation .................................................KO EASY AT ALL.

We have rested the case of pounded yam for now until i get my groove back.

please peeps that have 4 kids how did they manage it? ( SSD how you take manage?)Cos i dont know if i can go again oh. So please help me pray for Twins. Miracle can still happen....... my hubby is a twin and his mum had two sets so please let it be replicated in our family

Dark-elooooo wants TWINS by fire

Will def keep you posted. let me go resume my prayers for twins.

Love you so much.

HaVe A gOoD LaUgH

2009-04-23T14:26:00.004+01:00

Hey blogville,

I Thank God for another opportunity for Mrs. Dark-elooo ( yeah that is my new name...lol) to put up a post. Many wish to do so but for a reason or the other they can't. hahahahahehehehe.

Thanks for the comments... like they say in yoruba "Ire Akari"

Ok i got this in my mail box today and i felt let me share with my peeps. hope you will have a good and healthy laugh like i did.

My people,
I am getting fatter oh. How many weeks into the marriage? ("it is not what you are thinking".)

All my clothes now look like "borrowed" pieces. If you see any dark round thing rolling like drum around Lagos island, then it is moi.

I am serious about this matter oh. What can i do? pleaseeeeeeeeeee don't suggest exercise cos of my work hours. I need help.

muaaaaahhhhh

Loads of Love

So far

2009-04-01T15:43:00.002+01:00

Hey my people,

To God be the glory great things he Has done .

Ok sorry i am feeling lazy but i must put the devil to shame today and update something. please bear with me if my post aint coherent.

- yes i got married, march 14th at my villa.
- left lagos on 12th with me carrying one of my cakes on my lap for the 45mins drive to villa cos the car was filled with all wedding stuff dont know if the cake shop put stones in the cakes cos they were heavy and big.
- Got to villa and we drove straight to church as we had rehersal and i was mandated to do pregnancy test before Church can agree to marry us.
- During rehersal, the pastor coordinating was reciting the marital vows and instead of calling our names or allowing us to use our names he named me "Sister B" and hubby "Brother A". i couldnt help laughing all through cos it sounded silly. The poor man now explained that some couples have actually slept with each other immediately after rehersal cos they claimed they have been joined together as husband and wife ( is that possible? person wey wan do go do..... no holds barred)
- Went for pg test after rehersal, they insisted on taking blood for pg! (somebody help me) maybe because they want to catch me if i am 1 hour preggers.lol
- Hubby said if the test is positive that he will not be like Joseph ( Jesus' earthly dad) who agreed to Holy Spirit's message about the conception of Jesus without questions. that he will listen to Holy Spirit or my story.
- Test went well and negative. went home to see my mum and family. the number of people i knelt down to greet during those 2 1/2 days were more than i have done in my 3 decades on earth.
- Insisted that i wont sleep at home cos i am kinda "people shy", mummy darkelcee preached, begged and forced but i insisted and even convinced my senior ones in joining me to sleep in an hotel

Friday ( Traditional Wedding)
- Woke up and went to fix my hair
- Went back home looking like toast bread.
- Started another round of kneeling down to greet people that i dont even know. all becos mumsy said , uncle mi, cousin me, aunty mi etc)
- Engagement ceremony started a bit late but hubby and i were gisting and giggling away.
- He later told me he did his own round of postrating and all too.
- I came out with 3 friends and plenty family members.
-When i went to hug my mum she started crying oh. Imagine Does Margaret Thatcher cry?lol. tears came to my eye but i remembered my make up and "bone up". wetin! Why do parents cry on their children's wedding day self? maybe mine was because Pop died a while back.
- Hubby and i was asked to kiss publicly to show our love for each other( u need to see how i positioned my mouth.i am never a slacker!lol)
- Finished engagement party sha

Went back to the hotel and around 9pm remembered i left my WEDDING BOUQUET in lagos. Blogville..... no be small thing oh as house key dey my purse for villa. so i called a friend up and i got the razziest looking thing around 10.15am when church service started 10am prompt. I held the "grass" into the church and i never touched it till today, dont even know who picked it.I didntt even take pictures with it. ( made up my mind to wear my wedding gown and take a picture with the original fine bouquet)
- Hubby was just checking me out cos i looked beaurrriiiifulllll and i knew it too
- Wedding dress was super fit. Hid my big stomach and exergerated my curves. whoever made that gown will def make heaven declares Darkelce! lol
- Church finished and round of Picture and camera snapping commenced
- ops almost forgot, i didnt want to use any child for my train but i was "adviced" to use only two. so i picked my niece as the lil bride ( abi wetin dem dey call them) and ring bearer- hubby's nephew. People,ring bearer did not go in with the train oh, na so so cry im dey cry. I was speechless 5 year old crying like that? As i didnt want the boy to remove my smile i gently and nicely told the parent to take him away.if it was darkelcee in the 50s........ ( shakes head and legs)

- Reception went well, mumsy been an ijebu party loving fella prepared for 700 guest and we had like 500 sha so everything was in excess. (Thank God)
- I dont know how to dance but i still tried to dance but people were just saying all sort; elcee dance now, kilo de , u dey shy ?
- Hubby was busy inventing all manner of dance steps that wont be discovered till 2060.

- My niece put up a show at the wedding, been planning everything with my 4 year old niece. she was kinda my best friend.lol. We were together. It took a plate of Jollof rice to keep her away from Hubby and I at the Reception. When it was time for me to leave, she ran inside the car and called her mum to send her clothes! e gba mi , where she dey go?? she was forcefully carried out and she started screaming " aunty elcee knows we are doing wedding together" kai , tears threatened to fall from my eye cos i knew i would miss her.
- Wont tell you the details of after reception but i am sure you all have an idea.
- Went to Ghana for part 2 of the honey moon. heyyyyy Ghana is hot! haaaa , Blogville family; none of us will go to hell fire oh. Ghana is hot. if i stayed there for 1 month you guys wont recognise me again.
- Ghana was fun but its gist for another day.

long post oh

i am out of here.

Update in two weeks. I promise

thanks for all the comments, I appreciate it.

PS
I am yet to learn how to pound. Bought Ola Ola for hubby. you guys needed to be there to see his expression.BAADDD, BIASED etc. but he ate with love and i know that wont be for long.

So pray for me to see someone to teach me and also for the grace to learn. Need a miracle for this Plastic Hands of mine to recieve bones in them so as to be able to pound

Muuuaaahhhhhhhhhhhh

1ST POST IN 2009.

2009-02-13T14:35:00.005+01:00

hey peeps, how are you all doing?

Happy new year, even if it is coming in February abeg accept am like that. kiss kiss

My New Year motto has been this song done by David Cook (American Idol 7)

And I’ll taste every moment And live it out loud

I know this is the time, This is the time

To be more than a name Or a face in the crowd

I know this is the time

This is the time of my life Time of my life

We thank the Almighty father, the joy & strength Giver for HIS Grace over our lives.

He has counted us to be among the living. So I give him praise.

How are you all doing? Please drive safely and if that trip is not important, cancel it sharppish.

Just thought about sharing with you guys the things I never had and the things I have not done in all my years on earth. Relax with your bowl of groundnut plus fanta, enjoy.

- I never got a Christmas dress.... I don't know which planet my parents were from but I guess it must be Uranus because Christmas dress is not in their dictionary. While our neighbors wore their dresses around we just wear the old "fine" dress we had and I was down with it then and even till now I still don’t get or buy a Christmas dress.

-Still talking of Christmas, I never spent Christmas outside my home..............( I am not an ibo person sha.lol) except 2007 year, I didn’t go because I knew my mum will hound me on husband and marriage issue. So I decided to chill in Lagos. This year, I went home confidently (*wink*)

-I never had a younger one (i am a confirmed and certified last born)...... Sometimes I am happy about that but at times I wish I have just one. Someone to gist with you know and I want to pull my weight around and boss someone. Mumsy is old and my dad is late so there is no question of I might get one soon.
-I never had a pet........ All the dogs we had in my family while growing up were owned by my brothers.

-I have never used tampons before...... eeeeeewwwww! How will I insert it? Somebody please help this razzooo.

-I have never had friends exactly my age mate...... they are either older than me or younger than me. wetin dey happen? Is it that I sometimes act above or below my age? lol

-I have never done beyond 10mins in the bathroom. My motto…. Even Naman the leper didn’t spend so much time washing up his leprosy so why should I? The 10mins is enough to scrub off yesterday’s dirts now abi? And my body width and length ain’t that big too. Bathroom activity is strictly brushing and proper shower.

-I never went to a boarding school… Thank God my parents didn’t risk it, because if they had I might not be on talking terms with them now. Was doing Monday to Friday while I was in Polytechnic and I went from home while in University.

-I never had an Uncle….My Maternal Grandma had all girls and My Paternal Grandma had only a son (my Dad). So if you hear me mention an uncle, na lie oh prolly an Aristo. Lol.
-I have never fought before. I mean physical combat thingy. Did one with my brother and it was the first and last time I did.

Biko my people, I have a kolo boss with plenty scion-scoin. I need your prayers and help on how to deal with him. Example; he asked me to schedule a meeting for him ( I no be secretary oh) I sent the mail and called up the parties involved and behold Mr. scion scion come waka comot! I had to face those people myself, speak plenty English to beg and explain that a car killed his great-great grand parents and he had to leave the office. Advice me please

Finally my people……………………………………………….I am getting married!( gist for another post, i promise to give you the low down) But dilemma dey small. Hubby is from Ekiti State where they eat pounded yam as their Three Square meal. I don’t know how to pound nada and he said Ola- Ola is out of it, so I am looking for how to introduce him to this! (Yipeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee)

Missed you guys plenty!

MY PEOPLE

2008-12-23T10:30:00.002+01:00

To God be the Glory

Great Things He has done.

Thanks for the e-spanking, e-slapping and e-abuse on my last post. I am now born again, i wont be mumuliscious going forward ( to borrow 30+'s english).

How are you guys doing? Any plans for the holiday?

Just a Quick one to Wish you Guys Merry Christmas and an Awesome New Year.

Note: The reason you are still alive to see today is because God has not finished with you yet. So relax he is on your case making things to work in your favour.

Just my thought

If your man, hubby, bf, fiance,boo, sweets ( insert your own adjective) searches/ investigates through the content of your bag, what does it mean?

Got to go. we have a christmas parri in the office..... but sleep dey worry me self.

muaaaahhhhh

xoxo

I am just Plain Silly

2008-12-15T17:32:00.009+01:00

In everything, we should give thanks. So Jehovah, i give you thanks for my life (despite this post) and for every blogger.

I don dey tire to always apologize for updating so late.... so i wont apologize ok? lol

I dont know who to share this with except my peeps here in blogville.
Please feel very free to reprimand me. Even if na beating, i will come over and take correct spanking!

I used to think i was a smart chic but sometimes i just feel i am plain silly ( let me use a mild adjective) this scene i am about to share is not a script in nolly, holly or bolly wood, it happened to moi!

When no be say i was jazzed? even Jazz suppose clear for my eye abi? but i can be very naive and stupid at times..... chei ( sticking my finger in my mouth shaking my legs and head in the normal yoruba woman style).

I deserve to be spanked really. anytime i think of this incident i feel stupid.....just plain stupid.Abi i no get big sense?

ok, What happened you will ask? A male friend (blogged about him last year )gave moi a lift on saturday. He said i never bothered to know his house blah blah, so i took the opportunity that day and followed him home.

See ehn, i trusted this dude cos na brother in Christ. He was on my case once but dropped it after i insisted that i was not into him. He had since introduced his girlfriend to me ( you get the drift of our relationship?)

So i followed him home sha and saw the basic medical intruments doctors have at home, a Sphig and a Stethoscope. The foolish girl that i was ( abi i am? loll) started fiddling with the Stethoscope trying to feel my pulse. (He had earlier helped with my blood pressure cos i told him i had a low one when i was ill. ) Sha, i couldnt locate any pulse and my foolish mouth will not gree to keep quiet, so i told him and he now said its loudest around the chest area.

Blogville, women dey get chest? (LMAO) I put it on my "chest" still didnt hear anything, so he said it is always loudest towards your armpit ( docs, is that true?) he said he will help me locate it and then i can hear it.

So "Doki" asked moi to lie down to get the pulse in my chest ( does this sound right? ) i reluctantly and stupidly laid down and he started touching my "chest" to locate pulse! By this time my eye don clear say i don enter. After like 5 sec ( which looked like 5 hours to me) he said he had located it and i should hear it on the Stethoscope. ( instrument that landed me into trouble in the first place)

With all alacrity and excitement i said i don hear am.........meanwhile i no hear nada! i stood up and said i was ready to go and he said;

"darkelcee, are you sure you heard your hearbeat(abi na pulse) ? "

No Tittle

2008-11-19T16:02:00.001+01:00

To God be the glory for the great thing he has done.

He has decided to keep each of us alive against all odds. Thank you Jesus

I am in best of moods guess becos its almost weekend.......

This is gong to be the randomest post ever in the history of blogging.

Ok, its been a long while i know but i have been reading all your blogs and have left comments on a few. how are y'all doing?

I had cause to change my job again (long story for another day) i am actually out of banking , i now work in an ICT company and i am enjoying every bit of it. I am not an engineer oh , i just happen to be in the finance unit.This office na real waoh, here people call each other ma and sir and the new inductees sometimes attempt to kneel while greeting you. ewwwwwwww. (in an official environment) next thing now na iya and baba lagbaja we go dey call ourselves.

Na me go change all that. If you need sir and ma tittle consult your family members. abi now?lol

Like 3 weeks ago i got very sick and for the first time since i was born in the hospital, i slept in the hospital again. it was a terrible experience. i was admitted for acute malaria and very low blood pressure.......Quoting a friend who said "darkelcee this your low blood pressure means you are now hyper-relaxed" (yeye girl). Please how do peeps manage with needle and syringe without crying? The fear alone aided my getting well on time. I left the hospital with chicken pox ( you will say at my age and size abi?) i always thought chicken pox was "designed" for toddlers and children but Yours Truly caught the pox!

Pox Story

My nephew came home early october with the story of a classmate of his who was quarantined for pox, i remembered asking him if he played with him and he was like no way. Three days later he had chicken pox. If only i had moved out, maybe i would have been saved from been miss spoty elcee. My niece was rushed to the hospital for the immunization but guess what? the chicken pox broke out exactly where she got the injection.( na fake immunization dem give am?) When she got it, we all got afraid, because she can be very lousy when she is ill. She started with running after moi with the intention rubbing her body on mine so that i can catch the thing then graduated into saying stuffs like "aunty elcee, you will catch chicken pox in Jesus name" Just imagine the rat!

Her prayers got answered somewhat and i got it, but you know the proverb in Yoruba that Na God dey help chase flies for a tail-less cow, the spots are not so obvious because i am dark!

I am so greatful to God for this my skin colour oh. Chei, you needed to see my nephew when he had his.lolllll

Talking about kids, and kids saying the damndest thing; i was on the phone the other day with my ex and my niece has the habit of wanting to be on talking terms with all my friends.( 4 year old oh who is her set?). she picked the phone and went like "hello uncle.....( mentioning the name of my Fiance). I couldnt stop laughing but my ex didn't find it funny, infact he promised never to call me again then ended the call. Which kain pikin be this? What if i was trying to double date na so she go blow my cover? Well for consolation, she promised to go with me when i marry eventually, abeg which kain loyalty be that? am i her mother?

Thanks for the comment on my last post you guys rock!

I will be back with a proper post soon.

Thoughts in my head.....Why do i have to learn how to drive when i was never taught how to breathe ?

Hiya!

2008-09-27T06:51:00.000+01:00

My peeps, sup?

I know i deserve to be spanked but please accept my apologies.

To God be the glory for keeping us all alive, hale and hearty , for making lines to fall unto us in perfect places and making our inheritance sure!

Thanks for checking up on me, for your moral, spiritual and financial(?lol) support. I really appreciate it.

Would have just write out my Fb address here but I have been watching a lot of Crime and Investigation channel lately and fear just dey catch me for these virtual hook ups. My bible don assure me sha that if God be for me....... but hey what am i feeling like? Obama or Clinton?loll

So i promise to send my id to each blogger. (who knows i might want to take a political post in naija soon and i need your support!)

I am doing quite well, missed one vital wedding (*wink*), missed SBR waoh! I don miss plenty oh, but hey i have plenty gist for you guys and as a repentant blogger i promise to update more often.

August 15th marked my 1 year in blogville. one year of self discovery, you peeps may not know it but you have all contributed in improving my self esteem. Blogville rock!

I need to know your opinion on one issue....... a single lady meets a dude ( husband material.... sebi you know them now?lol) only for you to discover your genotype is AS.( 6months into the relationship oh)

- what will you do? Colntinue or Break off?(pleaseeee give your reasons)
-If the lady insist on continuing; medically is there a way that they can both have a baby with AS at first attempt on child bearing?( Doctors in the house.....lol)

Take good care of you and for bloggers that are not in naija sorry oh cos monday thru wednesday na public Holiday again.

Oh how i love these holidays!!!!!!!

Holiday is coming
No more western avenue crazy traffic
No more checking your time to beat 3rd mainland bridge closure
3 days of bliss!!!!!

My very good friend's birthday is today.
kay, you are my brother from another parent.
you have been a good friend that any one can EVER wish for,
maybe if you were not married with 2 wonderful kids i might have cut eye for you(lol)
Wishing you the very best this new year and i pray God will grant you favour.
blogville, i need you guys to give a shout out to KK!

I am so Greatful!!!!!!

2008-08-06T10:50:00.005+01:00

heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

I dont know where to start from but i guess i have to start from the very beginning

I give glory to my maker, my creator, my shield, my rock and my backbone.

I adore you the Almighty,Aji pa Ojo Iku da, (Allied pls interprete) the Prince of peace.

I stand in awe of u and i sing this song with joy in my heart to Him who was , is and is to come.

"Mi o ri ori o Olorun mi me sugbon mo feel e

I feel your prescence Olorun mi ninu aiye mi

I feel your prescence Olorun mi ninu ise mi"

Ok i can do much more but i will reserve that for a quiet time with him.

Why am i praising my Creator?..... its because today is my Birthday and also today is my last day at my current job! I am resuming in somewhere better ASAP.

My new job was a miracle and i will share a bit with you. I told God last year that i want a particular level and i laughed at myself cos attaining that position is impossible especially when its an office thingy ........lo and behold i got that level which is two steps higher than my current position. i thought this feat was only obtainainable only in Primary school where a geek in ur class gets double promotion and leaves his classmate behind? but i got mine not because i am faithful but because of His mercy and love.

My 5th birthday call was from my mum and guess her regulars? after the congratulatory messgaes, she went ......God will give u a good husband, Bone of ur Bone, flesh of ur flesh, u will not marry another person's bone ( o ni gbe egun elegun) and next year its in ur hubby's house" i said amen but couldnt resist laughing. pray tell why are parents like that ?

I am back on blogville for real. Missed you guys so much.

Thanks for your comments on my previous post and God indeed answered your prayers on me.

Well my take on those kids?.....summer holiday will def be in Abeokuta henceforth (with their Grandma) as vacation anywhere else is off for the next 4 yrs? ( is that too lenient?lollll)

Note that i accept gift items and other stuffs for this birthday parri.

Date and venue of the combined party will be communicated soon.

Come one, come all!!!!

Thanks for your massages on FB

c u around!

xoxo

hey

2008-07-16T08:03:00.006+01:00

hello all

I am well and Good ,Thanks be to God

Just to drop a short one.

I am in the middle of something that is why i have not updated since

Blogville, i need God's favour,kindly join me in prayers.

Thanks for the love,comments and mails, i really appreciate it.

Be assured that you will be the first to know once i am thru with all these plans

Loads of love.

( i still read blogs but i just cant comment yet)

lemme leave u with this, u just got back from your 6-hourly job ( for naija peeps ; 12-15hours) and this scene is played back in your house, what will you do ?lollll

words on marble

2008-07-03T20:13:00.002+01:00

Sunday Afternoon in Lasgidi

2008-06-24T09:34:00.006+01:00

Hi all

Thank God for his mercies, we have seen another day hale and hearty

Please join me and shout 24 halleluyah!!!!!(as today is 24th now)

Ok thanks for the love you peeps have shown me because without your comments this blog will be boring (don’t be afraid I aint leaving blogville)

This is going all out to my Lagos peeps……………

Brighten up your Sunday Afternoon @ Terra Kulture in June and July as the Nobel Laureate’s (Wole Soyinka) plays is being staged there.

Tagged Theatre@Terra .Wait a minute, dem no pay me kobo/cent/penny for this advert , but I thoroughly enjoyed my self on Sunday and needed to share it.

It was my 1st time of seeing a staged play (actually my very good friend invited me ….thank God he did) and I am planning on going there till the season is over.

Excerpts from one of the Plays “Trials of Brother Jero”

- While holding a service at the beach, Bro Jero went into trance and started screaming …

“Baba Jami si” lollllllllllllllll ( God reveal everything to me - "Jasi" is a slang, not a regular Yoruba word!)

Later he asked the congregation to dance to Beenie man’s song…..

“Hey move to the left in the name of Jesus (repeat) Move to the right in the name of the lord (repeat) Could I see you just shake that bootie that Jesus gave you (repeat) Shake that bootie in the name of lord (repeat) “ While checking up the female church members’ bootie! (Imagine a pastor leading his congregation to shake that bootie in the name of the Lord!)

Pleaseeeee blogville, take time to go and watch these staged plays and its just N2000…It’s a value for your money.

Where is Laspapi? He must pay me for this unsolicited advert , COT now abi?

And for my peeps that are not in naija presently ….i will try and record a “pirated” copy for u (hope u wont mind the background laughs, giggles and coughs)

I am doing well with my shoes!

Byeeeee..

Reason why...

2008-06-17T07:37:00.005+01:00

Hey guys

Thank God it’s another day

I am so sorry for updating this late but you know there should be a reason.

I have been busy perfecting how to balance and walk well with my 4 ½ inches shoe.

I don’t wear shoes with pointed heel. I grew up wearing flat or block heels

Had a long thought about it and got my self 3 lovely shoes all ranging from 4 ½ inches to 5 ½ inches! (I actually measured them with my ruler!)

Wore the 5 1/2 inches to a wedding on saturday and there was no chair for yours truly .

I formed activity with the Stiletto heels for a while but when headache started i hurriedly got out my slippers and boned everyone!( before person will die on top fashion..... who send me work self?)

So blogville I will be back soon.

xoxo

.......they will not catch me

2008-06-02T11:44:00.007+01:00

Howdy all? Weekend and all?

Well, thank God its Monday (even if some of us hate Mondays with a passion)

What is it about Mondays self. I just dont dig that day!

I am sure the hatred went as far back as when i was a toddler. l always cry to school on Mondays.

Now today is Monday and i hate it even more.

Why?

I have a big boil (skin abscess) on the lower lid of my left eye.

Picture this : Joe Lasisi(after a thorough trashing by his opponent with his face twice its normal size) trying to display his trophy after winning a major fight (insert;by a stroke of luck of course!).

Even baba Iyabo looks more like Denzel Washington compared with yours truly.

I can barely read blogs. ( Who am i kidding?loll)

I will be back (with a bang) once this boil is off my case.

Someone told me that having a boil in Yoruba land conotes fertility! I am feeling really giddy even with the pain.
b
e
c
a
u
s
e
........Darkelcee is Fertile.LMAO!

Loads of Love!

Happy Birthday Tharry plus

2008-05-26T07:51:00.008+01:00

30+, this post is dedicated to you!

On your birthday,
I would like to give you some words of wisdom
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>Smile while you still have teeth!

Happy birthday to my blog sister, Many many happy returns of the day.

Peeps, show some love to a Sista on her BLOG

The devil is a liar, blogger is not allowing me to upload her buffday cake oh,but i will still do that by force by fire!

MR PERFECT

2008-05-22T11:26:00.007+01:00

How are you all doing?

Thank GOD it's thursday! ( what's that?)

This not a proper update but got scared of MOMMY and i quickly had to do something fast.

Recently gone through some blogs and read different post on marriage, handling household chores and task.

Sistas, there is no need to worry as help is on the way ( from where? lol)

My take on this is .........

Isn't this just wonderful?

Guys, this is your God-Given ROLE

Do this for me/us and i/we will love you forever.lawllllll

I am out of here!

Somebody help me find SASUKE!

OnE bAg FuLl................

2008-05-14T11:43:00.006+01:00

“Hello hello, holla
Hello hello holla
You can say it once
You can say it again
It’s as easy to learn as counting to ten
Hello hello, holla”
With love from Barney (lol)”

Practical bags, handbags, classic/trendy bags, shoulder bags, clutch bags all of them are bugging me.

Help me blogville, I don’t know how to manage the content of my hand bag. A bigger bag to me means an increased opportunity for more clutter! I actually envy women hat carry smaller bags.

My hand bag is like a mini room. (Of course no fan or teevee or bed lolllll.) I have an issue with what should be the content of a bag. I carry my utility hand-bag only for like 10minutes a day from the house to the car, car to the office then the reverse on my way home at night. But 10minutes have been helping to tone my muscles in fact the muscle toning is gradually degenerating to aches and pain and my muscles are coming out. For a chic? lollllll

I have always been a fan of a big bag. And a big bag actually saved me on the day I was robbed, the thief could only get a phone (had 3 phones on that day) the other 2 and my wallet were relaxing in the bag with other silly items. Thank God!

Whenever I change my bag, I empty the content from one to another. I have bought 2 petite casual bags but I have not been bold enough to use either of them as I am always confused as to how I can squeeze all my “load” into those tiny things.

I carry the biggest and heaviest bag in my office. Each of my bags can pass for an overnight attaché case!

With the popular saying that you can tell a lot about a woman by the contents of her handbag got me thinking that I’m prolly not organized!

I was going home the other night and my phone rang. I started searching my bag but ended up missing the call because I couldn’t locate the phone. I got home then decided to do a review of the bag/utility box content with your help of course!

Here it goes ........

1- My plain Jane
2- My old faithful starcoms phone (it’s a nokia too, loll)
3- My Compact disc player
4-2 extra *AA* batteries for CDP
5-2 CDs (I change it weekly but currently it’s a prayer for you by Pastor Chris and High Praise)
6-My Micro USB flash drive
7- A book (currently reading The Rules of Life by Richard Templar)
8- Writing pad
9- Face Powder (125g)
10- Body Gloss (hardly use it but can’t just get it out of my bag).
11- Perfume & Body spray (after using it in the morning please what else am I using it for?)
12-Cosmetics bag
13- Wallet for my ATM cards & Identification cards (those accounts have 0 balances in them.lollll)
14- Wallet –for my money
15- Mini diary (I haven’t used a single page since January!)
16- My cheque book holder with 3 cheque booklets sleeping there (am I ok? lolll)
17- A pack of pocket tissue
18-Hair brush and comb
19-Hand Cream
20- 6 different types of biros (and I always complain that I have no pen as customer mostly go away with my pen.)
21- A cassette by Pastor Funmi Augusto (…. Don’t even have a mini cassette player yet to listen to it)
22- Ruler (somebody please slap me, what the heck am I using a ruler for?)
23-21 passport photographs (17 of which are mine and the remaining for friends and family)

Peeps, I need your help.

What should be in a lady’s bag?
What goes and what stays in my bag? (pleaseeeeeeeeeee advice)
How does the male specie cope without a handbag?

I promise to abide by all your suggestion.( cross my heart.lol)
Love you guys loads!

He loves me, He loves me not?

2008-05-03T20:15:00.006+01:00

I ask:

Do you love me?
The egotistical and defiant,
The treacherous me,
Can you love me?

Do you love me?
The complainant and insensitive,
The cruel me,
Can you love me?

Do you love me ?
The skeptic and distrustful,
The disdainful me,
Can you love me?

Do you love me?
The lonesome and confused,
The hesitant and unpredictable me,
Can you love me?

He answered:
I love you, All of you.
I have loved you,
And will ALWAYS love you,
I will love your strength and weakness
Because my strength is made perfect in weakness.

He loves ME!

TAGGED FOR REAL

2008-04-29T21:16:00.004+01:00

I was tagged by Jinta…ahhh .

The rules:
1. Link the person who tagged you to this post-check!

2. Mention the rules in your blog –check!

3. Tell 6 unspectacular quirks of yours –check!

4. Tag 6 following bloggers by linking them –check!

5. Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged –check!

This meme is about any particular mannerism you have, ok?

Book of Revelations written by DARKELCEE

1) I love cartoons to bits. I don’t know why but I can’t seem to stop.

2) I don’t listen to news. I don’t read it either. I felt that my dad hated me whenever he insisted that I swap SUPERted or voltron force for the 4.00pm news then. I have never picked up the remote control to tune to any news channel in my entire life(except its under compulsion). Had an elderly customer who noticed that I don’t know anything happening around me. He took it upon himself to be “supplying” me with news papers. The man got tired and left me alone after he noticed I was just not IT.

3) I hate water! Ok I have heard so many reasons why I have to drink water but I still don’t like drinking it. ( just remembered I haven't taken any water today and it is 18.02hrs! )

4) I eat rice 24/7. Not rice based meals but pure undiluted rice. White rice and stew, jollof rice, fried rice. I don’t feel good if I miss eating rice in a day!

5) When I defecate, it’s usually with no clothes on. And I always go with a book to read so on the average I spend like 30mins doing the DO. So when next you want to you the toilet and someone is there for like 30mins, then you know its ME.

6) What I think in my heart is always different from my actions. Invariably I cannot coordinate my thoughts and actions

Phewwwww, it's six already Men!

I tag 30+, Sasuke, Rinsola, Vera, Jaycee, Carlang

NOKIA & I

2008-04-22T18:36:00.000+01:00

Helooooooooooooooooooo

Thank God for keeping us alive because without him we wouldn’t be where we are today.
Join me to sing this song to our Maker, Redeemer and Friend

You are Alpha and Omega
We worship you our God
You are worthy to be praised

We give you all that glory
We worship you our God
You are worthy to be praised.

Ok I am praising God because in everything you must thank God but I am not happy at all.

I had always been an advocate of NOKIA handsets and I’ve never used any other phone type since GSM became a reality in naija.

From 3310 to N80 I have used them all.

- one got stolen at an Owanbe parri
- Gave one out.
- Sold out a couple of them (at a cheaper bargain of course.)

I’m digressing jare, when I bought this bloody nokia N80 in last year,( May precisely) I thought I had purchased the best bargain of a century.
I was planning to rock the phone for a while then sell off and get another cute phone.

Why I went for N80:
-Internet edition (I thought I could browse even inside water)
- It's a slide phone
- Has a large screen
- Large memory size (phone and card)

With all the other features them talk say follow the phone come from heaven (or from where?).

The phone’s problem started when I took it home the very first day I got it. My niece just couldn’t get her hands of the earpiece! She was always fondling it until one day she ate up the foamy cover (don’t know what it’s called please...lollll) of the earpiece.

So I discarded the earpiece and kept on rocking the phone.

My sweet phone became the latest toy in my house! My nephew uses it to perfect his skills on phone game handling (from why chicken crossed the road to snakes) while my niece was trying hard to be beyonce with the voice recorder; she also snaps her pictures every time. (Still have a picture of Richard in BBA 2 on my phone because she took a picture of herself backing the teevee!)

All this time the phone kept on falling at will and I never raised any objection because I thought it’s still the same old NOKIA I knew.(durability and value for your money! )
The phone fell off my hands a couple of times too Ok.

The problem started early this month, I noticed that when I get incoming calls I don’t hear the caller but when I make calls, it’s loud and clear. Later it graduated to both incoming and outgoing calls; yours truly will not hear anything except I use the loudspeakers.

I complained to one of my colleagues and he took my phone to a technician that could work on it. “Doctor” diagnosed my baby with “bad-flex” (whatever that means) and that it must be replaced.

"Ok.How much is flex now?"

The guy said N7, 000. (Please how much is a new phone abeg? lollll)

I left him in annoyance only to get to work and discover another major problem…. When I slid it opened or closed, it displayed different colours which were not a screen saver. Those rainbow displays only meant one thing - the screen too is getting spoilt!

So now my phone has different color spectrum when opened or closed and only regains “composure” after like 30seconds and remember that I still have to switch to loudspeakers to hear my conversation after all these home muveee.

I got pissed and I bought my self this new NOKIA (again u will say? Lolllll)

Why I picked this:
- No Game (and I aint planning to download any!)
- The phone is just a plain Jane!
- No secondary camera for my niece
- Metal casing(anti-scratch)
Even told my niece that it had no voice recorder (a big lie)

So here is a toast to my new phone; baby we are going to rock ourselves till grey days!

And i wish my dying N80 a wonderful REST IN PEACE! (it was nice while knowing you)

Like Alicia Keys sang I keep on falling in love with NOKIA (you)….loollllll.

Enjoy your week!

In my head

2008-04-11T16:23:00.000+01:00

My peeps
This is to confirm that I keep my promise. Wassssuuuuppppp?

I want to give a shout out to everyone that left a comment on my post. You are the reason I am on blogville. I love you all and I will reply every comment soon.(I am feeling like a Gee se?). I am being lazy and the only time I have to reply all comment is in the nite (at home) and this feat is like trying to go to heaven…….dial-up connection in naija is anti-reply-a-comment. (Am I the only one in this? Both CELTEL & STARCOMMS)

As this post title signifies, these are just thoughts running through my head in the last one week so help examine my head.

I didn’t take Coca Cola on a particular Friday and by Saturday afternoon I felt like an addict suffering a relapse. Abeg Coca cola wan kill me? Had to run all over to get a chilled bottle and I felt better.Haaaa my own don better abi? Carl don get sister for Coke drinking spree.
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My peeps at home tried to persuade me to go out with them and the following conversation ensued;

Bro-in-law: Darkelcee, lets go out now because you can’t find husband with this your lifestyle. Your life revolves round Home, Office and Church. You need to go out often to hook up someone? (Please where exactly is this OUT?)

My 6yr Old Nephew: yesssssss now, she has been staying with us since. Mummy says before I was born? When will you go to your house?

See me see wahala, dem dey plan coup-de-tat for me in that house now.
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Please, how do oyinbo people think? I noticed that you can actually report a photo on facebook to the authorities! Reasons to report photo Include….nudity/pornography, Drug Use, violence, attacks individual or group. Please the question is wetin concern me to report another person’s picture?(Na jazz dem use carry me go look im profile?) I fit report my own? Who dey check the reports?
If we get our own facebook for naija, hmmmm gongo aso!. The guy in the console to monitor reports will never be at work.Infact, PHCN no go give them light to access reports at all. Fuel scarcity will back up PHCN strongly. And the site will be epileptic that you won’t be able to report anything! All hail NIGERIA!
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In the March Edition of Genevieve magazine, i read of a 23yr old naija chic who did breast enlargement / implant for a bloody sum of 4,000 British Pounds! (I dey craze?) I can’t even imagine getting one abi na buy we go call am? (Don’t need to anyway *wink*).

Please, take time out to watch Dr 92010 for a sneak into the getting one. The surgery can be compared with the process of making Asun (barbecued goat).

Heard you can use saline or silicone gel in the stuffing or filling? lollllll

Type 1
A portion of the boobs is opened up and somin that looks like Drip bag (Dextrose Saline) or Pure water bag is “tucked” into the breast and a balloon pump is inserted into the bag and then the pumping start. Air or whatever is pumped into the bag till the desired size is achieved. The “victim” is sown up and she wakes up with a bigger boobs.

Type 2
The “drip-bag” is already filled with the saline/silicone gel they forcefully tucked into the boobs. Pumping is not necessary.

Now the question is can this bag leak? Yes it can!

What if somin happens and it burst? Oh yes it does! You will only need to go for a “refill”.

Or the saline solution start to dry? Abeg, allow me to think like a novice here!

All these James bond moves is for what?

Note that this is not a bloodless surgery. !@#$%^&*_+

The recovery period varies from person to person. After the surgery, the doctor is going to put bandages around the breasts to prevent swelling. The bandages are worn for several days. After they are removed, you will need to use a surgical bra. This bra is designed to prevent excessive pressure and give enough support to your new breasts.For the first few days, the patient experiences pain and swelling.(suffering and smilling!)

The doctor will give you medication for pain.(please doctors should stop giving anything, sebi it is no pains no gain...Chikena!) The discomfort will gradually reduce within 10 days. Some swelling will still remain. The scars will look pink and larger in the beginning, but they will fade as time passes. It may take a couple of months to get back to your fitness routine, but depending on your type of work, within a few days you can return to work. Every case is different, so your doctor will tell you what is right for you……READ MORE

But really how many minutes do we have in naija before we start doing Whacko Jackco moves and our teeth, nose or tongue start falling off?

On a lighter mood!

BRA CODES

Enjoy your weekend

Twenty five things

2008-04-07T16:19:00.000+01:00

Where do I start from? I give God all the glory. How was your Easter Break? I bet everyone had the holiday all over the GLOBE? Abi now? I am good but very very tired from my Camp-Out programme. I wonder how parents with 10 children cope especially the mum. Ko easy men.

This is not an update. I'm serious and i promise to update before friday.Infact to be specific 11th April in the year of our Lord 2008!

Just wanted to share this withall the sisters in blogville.

Sista, i need you to raise your two fingers in the air and say oh oh .....then screammmmmmmmmmmm (please what am i feeling like?)

Now to the gist

Twenty five things a sista should not apologize for ............................

1. Never apologize for pursuing what makes you happy. Even if
you need to quit your job, transfer schools, or move across
country, always do what you really want.

2. Never apologize for using proper English. Keeping it real
doesn't mean speaking Ebonics.

3. Never apologize for giving your best in a relationship that
just didn't work out.

4. Never apologize for being successful. Only haters want to
keep you at their level.

5. Never apologize for crying. Wear waterproof mascara and
express yourself.

6. Never apologize for ten pounds you need to lose. People who
truly care about you will accept you as you are.

7. Never apologize for being frugal. Just because you save your
money instead of blowing it on the latest fashion emergency
doesn't mean you're cheap.

8. Don't apologize for being a single Mom. Babies are a
blessing.

9. Never apologize for treating yourself to something special.
Sometimes you have to show yourself some appreciation. Amen to
that!

10. Never apologize for leaving an abusive relationship. Your
safety should always be a priority. Soooooooo True

11. Never apologize for keeping the ring even if you did not
get married.

12. Never apologize for setting high standards in a
relationship. You know what you can tolerate and what simply
gets on your nerves.

13. Never apologize for saying NO.

14. Never apologize for asking for what you want in bed. If you
don't, then who will?

15. Never apologize for wearing a weave or braids. You bought
it so it's yours.

16. Never apologize to your new friends about old friends.
There's a reason she's been your girl from day one.

17. Never apologize for ordering dessert or more than one
dessert.

18. Never apologize for dating outside your race. Just because
you found Mr. Right across the color line doesn't mean you
don't love your brothas.

19. Never apologize for demanding respect. You are to always
be treated as a queen.

20. Never apologize for not knowing how to cook. Even if you
can't burn like Grandma you know how to order good take out.
(Right Girl!)

21. Never apologize for your taste in clothes. It's your style.

22. Never apologize for changing your mind, it is your
prerogative.

23. Never apologize for making a decision from your heart, even
if others don't agree. You have to live with the consequences
not them.

24. Never apologize for making more money than your man, you
work hard and you deserve to get paid.

25. Never apologize for being YOU!

Keep your head UP and keep moving"

ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT GOD LOVES YOU AND HE ALWAYS GOT YOUR BACK

Buki, He's got your back gurl.

Love

Q & A

2008-03-17T19:22:00.000+01:00

Hello all.

Thanks all for the love and response on my last post. It has turned me into a Pastor as I have been praying for a miracle for the next person. Catch your Laptop by fire! Lolll

Now I need to drop these few lines as I will be missing in action as from Friday till Tuesday. I have a camp out to attend and I have been planning on how to have fun. The reason for this season is Jesus. Hope you are his pal?

One major reason why I like naija?
< < < < < Holidays!

This week alone FG has declared Wednesday plus the normal Easter Break (Friday and Monday). I am doing the running man dance (remember Vanilla ice….Ice Baby?) I love holidays- (lazy girl, Infact i am always looking forward to industrial strike!)

Now to the koko of today.

A very close friend shared this thought with me so I want to throw it open. Three of his subordinates resigned in the last two months and each of them took him out for lunch or dinner to appreciate him. I don’t work directly with him but I know him as a wonderful person. I have a female boss, and I think our relationship is that of Tom & Jerry…… (Ogiri leti.. wall has ears!) let me stop there. Lolll Now the question is:

-What is the relationship between you and your boss?
-Can you take your boss out in appreciation for what he/she impacted on you when you resign?

On a lighter mood

Latest blue-tooth in TOWN!

Send my Easter Eggs!

Love

SnOoPiNg

2008-03-07T15:35:00.000+01:00

Yippeeeeee! I have delivered.

I promised to update on time and here I am.

Phew! If nobody praises me I will praise my self.

How are you are doing? I am good and God has been faithful to me. I have been very happy all week and the reason?.......... I got a brand new laptop, free of charge.

Whether you believe it or not, my pastor told me three weeks ago that his British boss gave him a laptop F.O.C. So I jokingly told him to shake my hand because I desire that type of favor.

Fast forward small, my old friend (we went to school together, worked together for a while before she moved on) called me that she was in my neighborhood and wanted to hang out with me. We met and we were trying to catch up when I just mentioned laptop casually, she said that she had a brand new one (her hubby sent to her) and I should come pick it up. This is a proper “ijebu” girl way back in school. Sha she gave me the lap top and I am still like, this girl will call me to come and pay because I know her but ALAS! She hasn’t called.

So join me to shout 35 big Hallelujahs! lol!

Ok today’s gist

I am sure you are wondering about the title of this post, my peeps that’s exactly what it means. Snooping. I don’t pry into people’s affair because I’ve always hated the issue of “he said ,I said and she said” but sometimes when you are jobless and u don’t have anything to do, your mind will start playing tricks on u.

When I was 8 years old, I had this kinda close friend. Lets call her R. R had an Uncle (Uncle L) who was very tall or rather I was very short, so I used to think he was tall. He had a way with women. One day R came to call me that she was hearing some strange noise from Uncle L’s room. I left my house in a hurry to investigate and we started peeping through the key hole.

I SAW somin infact PLENTY. lol

Sha R started nudging me to shift because we were taking turns to peep. I can’t remember what happened but I think Uncle R discovered the peeping toms and he came out and gave us the punishment of our lives. I couldn’t tell anyone in my house abi how will I explained the story? That wetin wetin happened? Abeg!

Second time I went snooping was a while ago too. It was with someone very close to me. Almost like a brother, I went thru his phone. Gosh, somin I don’t do normally. Sha I saw a text from a chic and it went thus……..

I don’t even know how I agreed to this in the first place but I feel so guilty even when I knew you were married, I was still involved with u. I am sorry I can’t go on with this again.

Whoosh! My world came tumbling down (and I am not his wife ) I was tempted to tell his wife but I knew I would be ruining a home. So I did what I felt was the best, I prayed…Mountain-of-fire type of prayer. Let the fire of God burn into ashes the “chaser” and the “chased”. Lawd have mercy!

Ok, the final snooping of the day was on my own mother. Lol

I lost my dad in 2001 and even as I am typing this I realize i still miss him so much ( I am sure that every last child will understand this ). Before I digress, My mum came around and she left her phone with me only for me to go through her phone (is that becoming a custom for me? Lol) and I found a love text!

Ori mi o! somin like I miss you so much say hi to every one and I love you. Could it be that Pop can send SMS from heaven? Lawlllll. I couldn’t hold it again, so I asked her and she told me that it was my cousin that normally use her phone. I believed her cos I know her phone font is quite small and she most certainly can’t read that text (but hey what if she used her glasses?)

But, my peeps if my mum start dating again (she is 63 years old now) I am not sure I will feel cool with it. And to think that daddy has gone for over 7 years and she will be lonely but she’s got to cope without him now abi?

Women are meant to be IMMORTAL and super – Humans. If I am in her shoes, won’t I date again?

I am outta here

Love

Boiz in da Hood

2008-02-27T07:04:00.000+01:00

Eyin ara mi ninu Oluwa, Se y'all cool?

Hope you are not angry with moi? (*Kiss-kiss*)

Don’t mind me, I have been pretty lazy and the traffic in Lagos is getting crazier by the day. I don’t have a strong koko not to update sha, all my excuses are not tenable but pardon me.

Please, I need a scientist fast, is there any machine Oyinbo can design (or has deisgned) that can process thoughts? I need one to help me write out my post without moving my hands on the keyboard abeg.

Ok, I mentioned that one of my New Year resolutions was to have more fun and probably get hooked but it’s as if the latter is not going well with your gurl.

In the last 3 months or there about,I have met three guys all from different ethnic groups in Naija (only me you will say?) but I no too understand myself whether na my mouth don wide or they are just not normal. Please read on to understand me.

Sunday (Edo man)

Pros: TDH (Tall dark and handsome), engineer, comfortable, BUTTTTTTT

Cons: The boy likes to hear the sound of his own voice! O ti le soro juu. When he calls ehnn? He will talk,talk and talk and the sad part is that I don’t hear nada in all that he his saying. If he realizes that I have been quiet for a while,he will ask if I get him and trust me my ready made response is “yep, no wahala”. Can you imagine he called me for 45mins one day and all I got to answer back was a “yep no wahala” five times?

Turn off: He talks too much. He mentioned one day that on 31st of December he slept till 1st of January. On 31st December, even the devil himself go out to pray or somin but definitely not sleeping!

Edet (Calabar man)

Intro
My peep abeg please give a standing ovation for the Calabarians / Calabians. ( abi wetin I go call them again?) If you jam their women you are hooked for life.Their men nko? No dulling for them. Plenty raps and vibes all join. Lol. I heard they are very tidy and extremely trim.

Pros: Striking young man with a British accent, tall (I heard Calabarian are mostly not tall, is this true?), confident. The first day he saw me he got my phone number (to follow up on an issue) and the next thing was a text message from him “darkelcee, why are you so beautiful” Enough efizy!

Cons: This young man is too fast for me, he is on the fastest lane with a formula 1while I am just starting with my bettle. (lol). The first day he asked me out was to a Friday night gig and he was like I will sleep at his place till the next morning? E gbami (some pls save me)! Which type sleep be that ? Last month he recharged my phone only for him to come 3 days later and said I should quickly give him N1,000 to buy ice cream, i no see Calabar boy's brake light. Two weeks ago he came that he needed to use some amount of money and I also gave him (I no wan mention the amount before you will spark face for me). No story on the refund till now. I be world bank? Even the loans and grants World Bank give has offer conditions abi? The boy wan make me Sugar mummy? I have given him the boots I don’t like men that think they are smart. Do you know he flashes me(Crazy Flasher) and when I call him he is like why didn’t you pick up? I use Gongo aso by 9ice as my ring tone and his call has ended before the intro starts!

Turn Off: He is a leech! His types are just freeloaders.

Oladipupo(Yoruba Man)

Pros: Born Again, Medical Doctor, Handsome etc

Cons: short and too loud! I met him in one church activity like that and I was hearing his voice from the back! When he talks you will never imagine the sound is coming from his small frame. I doubt if he can whisper? I just can’t stand boisterous peeps. I secretly call him MTN (Every where you go)

Turn Off: He feels he is the only one that went to school. Because he did 10yrs (plus A.S.U strike) in school does not mean my 5 years is a waste or i am not as intelligent as he is. Always forming activity.

So that is it. I am done with them.
Planning on concentrating on me and have fun. I am pushing these guys out of my mind.Turning them to buddies until a prince in shinning armour comes! (king Arthur?)

We are having another team bonding session in my office this weekend and I plan to have a very pleasurable moments.

Ciao!

Abeg those are not their real names!

Happy Valentine

2008-02-14T10:48:00.001+01:00

Okay first,Happy Birthday To Tayo.

Tayo, there will be parri right? My peeps ,visit his blog for the details.

I am organizing a parri here on my blog for you (But yours is still holding!)

This is not an update ( Before i will be lynched!)
This is just for you on Valentine's day. Hope you have love and experience love today and everyday of your life.

A Valentine is nothing like

A chocolate or a rose.

For in a week these shall be gone,

But Valentines remain.

If love were always sweet to tongue

Or fragrant to the nose,

Each day would be like Valentine's,

And we would go insane.

A Valentine just hangs around

Waiting to be kissed

Long after special days have passed

And every days are here.

So one is wise to choose one well

And chocolates to resist.

For in the midst of mania

It's nice to have one near.

I will update soon ok. I PROMISE.

Love You loads!

Elcee

PS...that poem is not original so dont hail me at all( lol)

Talking to HIM

2008-01-31T10:20:00.000+01:00

Hey

what's been happening to you ?

The harmattan in Lagos ehn no easy at all. My peeps use to say that this type of weather kills elderly people fast. Even as young as i am i was almost swept away, Opelope annointing!(if not for anointing).

I got this in my mail box and i feel like sharing it with you.

This story was written by a doctor who worked in South Africa .

One night I had worked hard to help a mother in the labor ward; but in spite of all we could do, she died leaving us with a tiny premature baby and a crying two-year-old daughter. We would have difficulty keeping the baby alive, as we had no incubator (we had no electricity to run an incubator). We also had no special feeding facilities. Although we lived on the equator, nights were often chilly with treacherous drafts. One student midwife went for the box we had for such babies and the cotton wool that the baby would be wrapped in. Another went to stoke the fire and fill a hot water bottle. She came back shortly in distress to tell me that in filling the bottle, it had burst (rubber perishes easily in tropical climates). "And it is our last hot water bottle!" she exclaimed. As in the West, it is no good crying over spilled milk, so in Central Africa it might be considered no good crying over burst water bottles. They do not grow on trees, and there are no drugstores down forest pathways. "All right," I said, "put the baby as near the fire as you safely can, and sleep between the baby and the door to keep it free from drafts. Your job is to keep the baby warm." The following afternoon, as I did most days, I went to have prayers with any of the orp hanage children who chose to gather with me. I gave the youngsters various suggestions of things to pray about and told them about the tiny baby. I explained our problem about keeping the baby warm enough, mentioning the hot water bottle, and that the baby could so easily die if it got chills. I also told them of the two-year-old sister, crying because her mother had died. During prayer time, one ten-year old girl, Ruth, prayed with the usual blunt consciousness of our African children. "Please, God" she prayed, "send us a water bottle. It'll be no good tomorrow, God, as the baby will be dead, so please send it this afternoon." While I gasped inwardly at the audacity of the prayer, she added, "And while You are about it, would You please send a dolly for the little girl so she'll know You really love her?"

As often with children's prayers, I was put on the spot. Could I honestly say, "Amen"? I just did not believe that God would do this. Oh, yes, I know that He can do everything, the Bible says so. But there are limits, aren't there? The only way God could answer this particular prayer would be by sending me a parcel from my homeland. I had been in Africa for almost four years at that time, and I had never, ever received a parcel from home. Anyway, if anyone did send me a parcel, who would put in a hot water bottle? I lived on the equator! Halfway through the afternoon, while I was teaching in the nurses' training school, a message was sent that there was a car at my front door. By the time I reached home, the car had gone, but there, on the veranda, was a large twenty-two pound parcel. I felt tears pricking my eyes. I could not open the parcel alone, so I sent for the orphanage children. Together we pulled off the string, carefully undoing each knot. We folded the paper, taking care not to tear it unduly. Excitement was mounting. Some thirty or forty pairs of eyes were focused on the large cardboard box. >From the top, I lifted out brightly colored, knitted jerse ys. Eyes sparkled as I gave them out Then there were the knitted bandages for the leprosy patients, and the children looked a little bored. Then came a box of mixed raisins and sultanas - that would make a batch of buns for the weekend. Then, as I put my hand in again, I felt the.....could it really be? I grasped it and pulled it out - yes, a brand-new, rubber hot water bottle. I cried. I had not asked God to send it; I had not truly believed that He would. Ruth was in the front row of the children. She rushed forward, crying out, "If God has sent the bottle, He must have sent the dolly too!" Rummaging down to the bottom of the box, she pulled out the small, beautifully dressed dolly. Her eyes shone! She had never doubted! Looking up at me, she asked: "Can I go over with you and give this dolly to that little girl, so she'll know that Jesus really loves her?" That parcel had been on the way for five whole months. Packed up by my former Sunday school class, whose leader had heard and obeyed God's prompting to send a hot water Bottle, even to the equator. And one of the girls had put in a dolly for an African child - five months before, in answer to the believing prayer of a ten-year-old to bring it "that afternoon."

"Before they call, I will answer" (Isaiah 65:24) This awesome prayer takes less than a minute. When you receive this, say the prayer,... that's all you have to do. No strings attached. Just send it on to whomever you want - but do send it on. Prayer is one of the best free gifts we receive. There is no cost but a lot of rewards.

Let's continue praying for one another... Father, I ask you to bless my friends reading this right now. I am asking You to minister to their spirit at this very moment. Where there is pain, give them Your peace and mercy. Where there is self doubting, release a renewed confidence to work through them. Where there is tiredness or exhaustion, I ask You to give them understanding, guidance, and strength as they learn submission to Your leading. Where there is spiritual stagnation, I ask You to renew them by revealing Your nearness, and by drawing them into greater intimacy with You. Where there is fear, reveal Your love, and release to them Your courage. Where there is a sin blocking them, reveal it, and break its hold over the lives of my friends. Bless their finances, give them greater vision, and raise up leaders and friends to support and encourage them. Give each of them discernment to recognize the evil forces around them, and reveal to them the power they have in You to defeat it. I ask you to do these things in Jesus' name.

. "Do not ask the Lord to guide your footsteps if you're not willing to move your feet."

Take that step today and talk to God about it.

"Before they call, I will answer" (Isaiah 65:24)

Love!

My Side- Burns

2008-01-22T09:47:00.000+01:00

Hi

I go through different blogs daily and I always pray and wish I have the energy and zeal other bloggers have to update daily!

Muaahhhhhhhhhhh, you guys are wonderful.

Over the weekend, I decided to spot the infamous Sade Adu hairstyle. A few strands of your hair will be weaved at a time, remember? (Chics you know now and guys, ask your GF for a description ok?).

This particular hairstyle brought out my beauty and you need to see my “opon” (shinning/ reflective forehead) it is as clear as a mirror! I remember that “Opon” was a prefix attached to my name while in high school.

I had gone to retouch my hair and my “retouching- hairdresser” as usual commented on my side-burns. So this “weaving-hairdresser” too commented on my side burn while working on the hair (I have different hair dressers for different hair dos to keep my sanity in check and because most of them are suegbe/pako…… to borrow the Great Fela’s words.)

Their comments on my side burns took me down memory lane.

Ok background check, I went to a co-ed secondary school where we all must wear low cuts (not baby curls at all) both boys and girls, Baba God blessed your truly with this side burns that was almost meeting under my chin (for a woman when I no be winch?).

I never liked this extra hair growing on my face and my “family barber” made matter worse.

Small info our our barber….

His barbing salon is named “Orilowo Barbing Shop, No trouble”(someone should please help me translate that to English).

Mr No trouble is the owner, apprentice, manager, cleaner ( every name you can think of in a business enterprise) in that shop.

You need to see the chair we use while trying to get our hair “sliced” (definitely not cut). It is a nylon covered chair hinged on something that looks like a rim. You have to turn with the chair anytime there is a need to do so.

Mr trouble’s clippers nko? Na die. He cuts through your hair as if you are trimming a garden and it takes like 30mins to get your hair shaved.

My first time in Orilowo, no trouble’s shop, I had spoken with my dad about the need to get a hair cut.

Daddy yours truly: O ya enter car, let’s go.

Yours truly : very happy as I was planning to cut my hair to the latest “punk” hair style in town.

Daddy yours truly: I know a very good barber around now, ok?

Yours truly: ok

On getting to the “good barber’s shop” I noticed he was an elderly man with pot belly and immediately my instinct told me this was going to be my worst nightmare.

No trouble: “Weecome”, who wan to cut?

I stepped forward sheepishly and I was asked to climb the chair. He used one silly looking cloth like that to cover me up.

Your truly: Please just trim the hair as I don’t want to shave sir.

Mr No trouble: Okeee (with dirty teeth)

It is only in Mr No trouble’s shop that he cuts your hair without you looking at the mirror the chair is positioned in such a way that it backs the mirror. You only get to check out yourself when he is through with the damage!

My head was thoroughly abused and tortorued,.

When he was through, he bathed my head with Methylated Spirit and he now used this brush (exactly like a paint brush) to apply powder on my head and face and dust off the hair. That man should have been sued a long time ago

No trouble: Oya, Luk at your fain face in the glass.

when i managed to turn with the chair,I felt like dying, He shaved my head and left my side burns, just imagine! I was looking like a masquerade.

He now “carved” my hair from my face and I looked like a diagram. I burst into tear because I couldn’t imagine how I would carry that head to my school the following day.

I insisted that he gummed back my hair anyhow. But the deed was done and could not be repaired again.

I don’t know what my father saw in Mr no troubles but I ended up going there12 times a year for like 3 years. Getting my hair cut was a horror!

My brother and I later discovered that my dad normally signals Orilowo No trouble to shave our hairs as we always complain while attempting to comb it.

Mr orilowo just refused to open his shop one day and that was how he just disappeared into thin air and we never saw him afterwards.

The man made me hate my side burns so much till i started getting compliments.

ODE TO MY SIDE-BURNS

Oh my side-burns
You’ve stayed with me all these while
Through thick and thin
Through Orilowo No trouble Clippers
Through Harmattan and rainy season
Oh my side-burns.

Oh my side-burns
You stood the test of time
Through Hair relaxers to change your texture
Through silly attempt to make you join the rest of the pack (my hair)
Through those days I never liked you
Oh my side-burns

Oh my side-burns
You have made me proud
Heads turn to look at me
Because you are “strategically placed”
Hold you in high esteem

Because you have made me beautiful
Oh My side-burns!

Love!

In A Nutshell!

2008-01-11T20:19:00.000+01:00

Happy New Year to y’all

Sorry I did not update on time.

I thought this time of the year will be pretty free for me but ALAS!, was wrong (lol). I mean January is a month where people would have emptied their accounts for the much awaited December vacation/Holiday and then arm folding will start, but my peeps are now super-sharp, come and see plenty people in the banking hall? O su mi men!

How was your Christmas and New Year holiday? I have gone round almost all the blogs my hands can click on and I discovered everyone had loads and loads of fun. Can you believe I did not have any?

Where do I start?

24th December…. Got a mail, I was nominated for a bloody reconciliation at my head office and that yours truly should prepare to sleep over. You will not believe I was in there till 30th! Every single night (6pm – 6am). I had free periods in the morning but I mean I was just busy sleeping. But mennnnn!, it is not easy working during the night at all.

31st December…………..went to church to pray about my life . I need to have an exciting one in 2008 (lol).

1st January………. Went to one of these eateries and it turned out to be a big mistake, I regretted going there self. ….., had to check out 3 places before I made up my mind on just staying in one as I didn’t want to go back home, each was filled to the brim and they all had a deejay blasting all sorts of music you can think of. All pretty too loud for a reasonable human being.

2nd January….resumed work and I have been busy since then lol!

So that was how I spent my last holiday ……………pretty boring se?

Well I have made up my mind to have a blast this year…..part of my New Year resolution, lol!
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Sat back and ran through my life in 2007, I thank God for life and sound health but I did not maximize the resources I had at my disposal. I need to work on so many things about myself.

Initially felt this might be too heavy for the first post in the year but hey what the heck!

Here is the issue, I don’t have close allies (male or female, none at all) I only have acquaintances/friends. Get me right, I am not egotistical or haughty but I just can’t make close friends or rather I can’t keep them (that sounds more like it).Yours truly cannot wake up and say I’m going to see a friend. My typical day…… I watch T.V all through, all sorts, from cartoons to comedy. It’s so bad that we had a team bonding session in my office and I was just yelling like a 3 year old girl (all because I have not had such fun in a very very long time). Please what is wrong with me? Lol!

You all know this song done by Celine Dion….when I fall in love it will be forever? This has never been my case. In 2007, I met someone and now He is gone! It is my entire fault. I think I “stepped” in love with a part of me outside of the relationship. I have never been raped or abused but I just can’t let go! Am I selfish?

I have never been inclined to have a sexual relationship with a female (abeg o, before you start thinking evil thoughts). I go into a relationship with a ‘win-win’ attitude so I ended up not giving my all to keep it. Am I normal? Yours truly cannot sing this verse like Celine, “When I give my heart, it will be completely!

I have been asking myself if I am selfish or something but the bottom line is I need help! My life is too monotonous.

Send in your advice fast because I desire to change for the better this 2008

Ops, I also procrastinate a lot. How do I stop that too? Lol!

Hugs and kisses

Merry Christmas

2007-12-24T21:54:00.000+01:00

I wanna wish you a merry christmas

I wanna wish you a merry christmas,

From the bottom of my heart!

( this is sealed with a kiss!)

Even though i am sending this christmas message right from my desk top at work, it is a sincere wish from my heart to you......

YOU

- that just " surf " thru my blog

- that took time to read but don't comment

- that reads and comment

- my Blogville family

- @ work that found this blog whether thru peeping or jazz (lol!)

- B, not sure if you are reading this, but i miss you so much . my sister in crime lol! (@ work )

- T, i am sorry about everything , but know that you have a special place in my heart and i'll miss you

-K, my editor in chief , boss and paddy for jungle! Enjoy your vacation,christmas and new year holiday!

-to all my fans; home and away! lol .....One love!

Enjoy your holiday and please DRINK RESPONSIBLY (i never join any NGO ..... no mind me ok? lol)

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8 Weird things about ME

1) I can talk on the phone with you for the next 2 years but when we hook up one on one, i can hardly converse up to 15mins !

2) I dont eat YAM outside my house cos I can't eat it without mashing it up with my fork and then eating as if i aint got teeth! Same goes for potatoes...boiled, fried, baked ,sundried any form you give me i mash them up!

3) I am a proper Yoruba breed but i CANNOT pray in my local dialect....Yoruba. i guess this is weird! I only pray in English oo and omo Yoruba proper ni mi! God save me. lol!

4) Dont know if this is wierd or not, but i dont know how to keep a clean wardrobe. If i take time out to sort and arrange clothes and shoes, i get scared to take any clothe / shoe because i trust i will scatter the whole thing before you say Jack! lol!

5) I dont know how to think or reflect on issues because nothing gets to me. I force myself most times to pretend that i am thinking about an issue so that people will not think i am a "winch".....lol!

6) i forget things easily .... I know this is very wierd and i am praying about it,I dont remember people's names or faces. i can't recall stuffs that happened last year but i can try on ten year old gist! lol! Do you know that i cannot remember my classmates University? I met a secondary school classmate at a wedding in sometimes ago and the way i responded to her was bad. I think i embarrased her.It is really bad as i saved her name as school mate on my phone. (as i didnt want to ask her for her name,lol!) Also saw a sista we joined my bank together and i couldnt place her face. ( saw her this year just after 5 years o )

7)i have only fought once in my life time and it was with my brother! Guess i am "ole" (lazy) ? brother and i. i no dey fight ooo Omo jeje ni mi ! lol

8) I have plenty male friend but i have not succeeded in keeping any as hubby! wierd innit?

9) for the extras...... I don't know nada about my menstral cycle. i have tried so many times to understand what its all about and how to monitor the d*** thing, but i have never succeeded, not even once. I can put Sanitary towel in my bag for 2 weeks all becos i dont know when g-red will come.weird abi?

I dont know who to tag again but once you read this post ( even without commenting) then you are tagged! lol

Enjoy your Christmas

Peace Out !( i am turning to a nigga abi? lol)

For Your Time

2007-12-05T18:51:00.000+01:00

hello all

Sorry i have not posted on my blog for a while as they say in yoruba, "this hill did not allow me to see that hill" lol. 30+ too don harrass me small make i update. Sista i don update o (next time i go look for different memes come use am update. lol)

I was ill a while ago and for the first time since i learnt to spell my name (lol) i went to the hospital for check up or rather general-body-refurbishment (lol). So i met this doctor sha (not too stunning but ok), after asking the regular questions , symptoms, when did you notice this illness?, are u coughing?, is my body temperature normal?, do i have two heads? lol

The doc told yours truly to lie down on the examination table and the next thing he asked me to remove my clothes(just my shirt sha. As i be JJC (Johnny-just-come) for hospital, i dutifully agreed and he started using stethoscope to touch me i mean chest( i be woman now so i no get chest...lol), stomach on top Malaria! what the @@@@**!

My peeps, e gba mi o (save me) na so them dey determine the level, degree or density of malaria person has? lol. I don vouch say i no go fall sick again if na the way docs dey treat malaria abi i dey too paranoid?

Come to think of it.... wouldnt it be fun if i am a doctor? not Vet doctor but for HUMANS! lol!

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For the post of the day......someone sent me this Story.......... Sit back, relax and enjoy (with groundnut, cookies,kokoro or walnuts lol)

Over the phone, his mother told him, "Mr. Belser died last night. The funeral is Wednesday."

Memories flashed through his mind like an old newsreel as he sat quietly remembering his childhood days.

"Jack, did you hear me?"

"Oh, sorry, Mom. Yes, I heard you. It's been so long since I thought of him. I'm sorry, but I honestly thought he died years ago," Jack said.

"Well, he didn't forget you. Every time I saw him he'd ask how you were doing. He'd reminisce about the many days you spent over "his side of the fence" as he put it," Mom told him.

"I loved that old house he lived in," Jack said.

"You know, Jack, after your father died, Mr. Belser stepped in to make sure you had a man's influence in your life," she said.

"He's the one who taught me carpentry," he said. "I wouldn't be in this business if it weren't for him. He spent a lot of time teaching me things he thought were important...Mom, I'll be there for the funeral," Jack said.

As busy as he was, he kept his word. Jack caught the next flight to his hometown. Mr. Belser's funeral was small and uneventful. He had no children of his own, and most of his relatives had passed away.

The night before he had to return home, Jack and his Mom stopped by to see the old house next door one more time.

Standing in the doorway, Jack paused for a moment. It was like crossing over into another dimension, a leap through space and time.

The house was exactly as he remembered. Every step held memories. Every picture, every piece of furniture.... Jack stopped suddenly.

"What's wrong, Jack?" his Mom asked.

"The box is gone," he said.

"What box?” Mom asked.

"There was a small gold box that he kept locked on top of his desk. I must have asked him a thousand times what was inside. All he'd ever tell me was the thing I value most,'" Jack said.

It was gone. Everything about the house was exactly how Jack remembered it, except for the box. He figured someone from the Belser family had taken it.

"Now I'll never know what was so valuable to him," Jack said. "I better get some sleep. I have an early flight home, Mom."

It had been about two weeks since Mr. Belser died. Returning home from work one day Jack discovered a note in his mailbox. "Signature required on a package. No one at home. Please stop by the main post office within the next three days," the note read.

Early the next day Jack retrieved the package. The small box was old and looked like it had been mailed a hundred years ago. The handwriting was difficult to read, but the return address caught his attention. "Mr. Harold Belser" it read. Jack took the box out to his car and ripped open the package. There inside was the gold box and an envelope. Jack's hands shook as he read the note inside.

"Upon my death, please forward this box and its contents to Jack Bennett. It's the thing I valued most in my life." A small key was taped to the letter. His heart racing, as tears filling his eyes, Jack carefully unlocked the box. There inside he found a beautiful gold pocket watch.

Running his fingers slowly over the finely etched casing, he unlatched the cover. Inside he found these words engraved: "Jack Thanks for your time!
Harold Belser."

"The thing he valued most...was...my time."

Jack held the watch for a few minutes, then called his office and cleared his appointments for the next two days. "Why?" Janet, his assistant asked.

"I need some time to spend with my son," he said. "Oh, by the way, Janet thanks for your time!"

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away,"

Learn to appreciate people around you for the time and attention they have devoted to you

I’m grateful for the time we’ve had as buddies in blogville.

I need you to know that I value those moments we've shared together so far

Just U & I

"Thank you for your time"!

30 Days of Thankfulness - Day 22

2007-11-22T18:44:00.000+01:00

I was tagged by 30+ and allied....

Where do I start? Hmmmmm ok I will start from the very beginning and of course starting with a song.

You are worthy to be glorified
You are worthy oh –oh Lord
You are worthy to be glorified
You are worthy Lord.

I join the Host of heaven and my fellow bloggers to say THANK YOU LORD. Lord, I worship you because you are good; you are wiser than the Wisest, Greater than the greatest. You are beautiful beyond description my God that seats on the heaven and makes the earth his footstool!

My father I praise you, I worship and adore you because you have been everything to me, You have been my shield and rock, my support, my defender. You have given me a reason to smile

Thank you for my salvation, thank you for the mercy you made available onto me when you decided to “adopt” me as your baby. Thank you for my greatest friend the Holy Spirit that you blessed me with.

Thank you oh Lord because I’m not good enough but you still love me. You’ve been faithful to me even when I have been faithless. You’ve always been there even on those days I was not available

Thank you for the gift of Life. Many wish to be alive today but they are no more. Its not because I’ve been faithful nether is it that i am better off than the others but your mercy has been available unto me.

Daddy, I thank you for my family (biological and blogville.)

Thank you for my brother’s new job I am much grateful. Thank you for mine too thanks you because you are moving me higher this year.

Thank you for my future, thank you because my life is in your hands.

Thank you for favor and Grace you have shown me every single day for the past 28 years.

Thank you for preserving me till today (Most grateful for the incident that happened when I was 9 as i would have died in a wardrobe)

Thank you for growth and expansion; spiritual, physical, financial etc

Thank you daddy because everything I am today is just YOU. Thank you for been the centre of my world. Thank you for been good to me in every circumstances and situation

Thank you because those low moments in my life are your plans to lift me up.

Thank you lord for making “lines to fall unto me in perfect places and giving a good inheritance.” Thank you Daddy because there has been and there will always be Life in my pathway.

Thank you for making my life beautiful again. Thank you Daddy for giving me a reason to live. I am most grateful to you for being my Emmanuel.

Olorun mi to da aye ati orun,
Oba nla to so ile aye ro.
Gbani gbani lojo iku.
Oba to pa Ojo Iku da,
Kabi o si Eledumare.
Alagbada Ina
Alawo tele orun
Olowogbogboro tin yo omo e kuro ninu ofin
Oba lana loni ati titi aye.
Arugbo Ojo,Eleti gbaroye.
Gbongbo Idile Jesse
Kiniun eya Judah
Oba to tele bi aso to fi imole se aso ibora.
Eleru niyin.
Aribiti rabata eni nla ti ko se pa.
Erujeje Oko Pharaoh.
Awimayehun ,Alewi lese Alese lewi

If not for you where would I have been! I am so thankful.

Thank you Lord.

I tag everybody.

Children of Now-a-days!

2007-11-12T13:00:00.000+01:00

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Attached is one of my favorite stress reliever. Hope you will like it. CAN'T JUST DELETE IT FROM MY MAIL BOX.(i am getting naughtier each day...lol)

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This is a serious issue ooo!

I was gisting with my niece and nephew today and I heard the BIG one.

Background check: my niece came home with a gift bag from school, her classmate was celebrating his birthday blah blah , I sha rummaged thru the bag and discovered a lot of things so I wondered aloud who the celebrant was and how the parents must have been very rich to provide all those stuffs.

Sha, the following discussion ensued:

Nephew (6 years Old): The celebrant is A and he is my sister’s husband.

Yours truly: (surprised look with mouth wide open)

Niece (3 years old): giggling (as if she was offered a chewing gum cos that’s her favorite)…Naahhhhh

Nephew: Yes or is A not your husband again?

Niece: No…ehmmm… Yes …. (Smiling )

By this time I couldn’t help myself again but I needed to pretend so that I can hear more gists.

Nephew: You remember the day she did not go to school? A came to my class to ask after her (A da bloke too is 3 years old…. E gbami lowo awon omo yii !).

Nephew: they come to Club meetings together (Red Cross)

Yours Truly: silently cursing their teacher for not putting A in Boys Scout and my niece in Brownie)

All the while this conversation was on, my niece was smiling sheepishly covering her eyes with her hands obviously getting embarrassed.

Niece: My mummy said I will do my birthday again this November,(she was born in April) and I told A I will give him plenty gift.

Yours Truly: Can it be that A packed my neice’s gift bag special for her? (I am really getting agitated)

Nephew: hmmmm, Mummy says your birthday is once a year and you celebrated it sometimes back

Niece: A says I should do Barbie cake again!

And she bounced off.

I sat down for a few minutes trying to get myself together. Men! what is this world turning into? At age 3 I knew nada! My knowledge and awareness of that was level -5 not even 0. I probably still bed wet then.lol!

Infact, if a boy writes us love letter then (I grew up in the letter-writing era….lol) we will read with our friends then the bold ones amongst us copy it on the board for the others to digest and enjoy.

Where are these kids getting these guts and boldness (which some of us could not exhibit till we got to college) from? Men I don old no be small thing ….lol!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------My nephew wanted to show his mum how good his French was;

Nephew: Mummy, Mummy I can greet you in French (excitedly)

Mummy: Ok, please do

Nephew: Johnbull Mademoiselle!(with courtesy and all seriousness)

I started laughing so hard (with tears in my eyes) cos I knew that was a goof. He started crying, guess he was embarrassed. Sha gathered my self together and corrected him (Bonjour Mademoiselle).

Wetin I no go see with these children?
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Afters…

Had a poll up on my blog sometimes ago, I needed to find out if I was normal or not. Yours truly, gbadun talking on the phone more than meeting people one on one. It is something that is just part of me. I sometimes initiates meeting but I always end up feeling awkward most of the time though. Am I ok?

Someone complained about it and then I wanted to find out if it was only me and thanks to all my peeps who voted… now I know I am not alone.

Enjoy!

Fantasies!

2007-10-21T22:50:00.000+01:00

Hello peeps

I have been trying to write somin down since last week but mennnnn,the traffic at work has been crazy. Its like my enemies want to gather together and remove me from blogville but Holy Ghost will not allow them. Can I hear an Amen?... lol! I mean, it's so bad that once I get home like 11pm (I am not doing shift its Nigerian factor sha , when my working hours should have been 9-5;) I rush to bed as if I am trying to keep an appointment and I can hardly open the PC to drop a message here, there or stalk my favorites bloggers!

Lawd have mercy!

Shakira is almost the most popular person on earth now o, went to the market on Saturday morning and I saw 5 kids all wearing pants and guess what they were doing ? Singing 'hips don't lie' Oh my God! Come and hear me-rix because it is definitely not re-mixed. Ti Shakira ba gbo orin yen men, she will be confused! You need to listen to the me-rix o, it was bloody…lol!

Before I deviate from today's main gist, My niece and nephew made me watch Barney and Friends the other day and somin struck a cord. You see It is compulsory for their favorite aunty to watch all those cartoons with them ; Power Puff Girls, ed, edd and eddie, Samorai Jack, Balamory , Code Name; Kids Next Door,etc all those scruffy looking characters o.Come to think of it ,where is Voltron Force fine boy? Where is fluffy Superted? Or better still breath taking Aladdin abi na Tarzan in the jungle- the hunk? Infact, I can say I watch cartoon more than I see normal movies, courtesy of my people.

Sha there was this song Barney sang and it goes like this;

'What I wanna be? ………When I grow up to be Big ME'

The song took me down memory lane of what I wanted to be and I discovered that what I am today is entirely different from what I had in mind.

Let me start from the very beginning…………………………

Yours truly started reading Mills & Boons so early in life. My elder sister use to read it as if her life depends on it. So whenever she comes home, I steal the book and read in the toilet for fear of being caught in the act. Then I fantasize that I will be like one of the heroine when I grow up. That I will just meet a guy who will 'drive' up to me and tell me I have the most beautiful blue dreamy eyes , fall in love and live happily ever after. I wonder why all that never happened. i mean, if a car packs beside me now, the first thought that comes to my head is "this is a ritual killer, dem wan use me do otumokpo(jazz)! Lol .I dreamt all day that I will publish my story too of how my knight in shinny armor rescued me from a trouble then carried me away to the 7 th heaven where there is no mention of work, traffic, stress children etc. but here I am and all those M & B stuff has never happened to me!

Why oh Why oohhhhh Why? Lol!

I grew up in a G.R.A where the motto is every man to his tent. But there is woman that trips me in our neighborhood. She used to drive a black Peugeot 504 then and she smokes. I mean I just get excited whenever she drives through my street with cigarette in her mouth and I made up my mind to be like her. I mean drive a black Peugeot 504 and smoke too so that people can feel my effect on my street. I tried the smoking once sha but no be with real cigar o I used mat and nylon! I still have a scar on my leg as the nylon melted and dripped on my leg and I never tried it again!...lol ! But how will you feel if I come to your house in a Peugeot 504 in this day and age? I am sure you will give me the boots. Who wants to befriend an old school?

I had planned also that when I grow up I will date a Capo in school…lol! Don't know where the thoughts came from sha! Weird se? Not just a cult boy o but the leader of the cult group… the capo de tuti himself! I wanted people to fear and respect me. Mere mentioning of yours truly's name should send shivers down people's spine. What the heck was I thinking? Lol .I am sure it was too much M & Bs and James Hadley Chase books o but here I am, never knew a Capo not to talk of dating one.

The only way I could have achieved the feat above was to be a cult member myself. I wanted to be the head of the female cult group so that I can date the leader of the male cult group and we will both form the formidable team? I don kolo for real o...lol! Lady Yours truly, and every one will run for cover in fear when I am around ….. Here I am totally in a different direction from my absurd dream!

Saw this video over the weekend and i need to share with you. You know that not everyone that walks on the street is normal so when you are wearing those tank tops and minis, Remember this lunatic!

Enjoy!

NVL-PG required! lol

My Series of Firsts!

2007-10-07T17:40:00.000+01:00

What’s good ? cool I guess.

Today is for first time of almost everything in my life. Guess the list is inexhuastive as I am still breathing and there will definitely be more of that as I tread along planet earth (or Pluto...laughs!)

Ok quick background check of my self. I grew up very fast, I mean by age 9 I had almost all the features of being a young woman and was almost an adolescent. I was bigger than my brother, who was 2 years older than I and growing up was pretty fast for yours truly.

The first time I wore a bra , I was 8 yrs 5 months (pretty fast se, I was in primary school?) and they weren’t the size of lime fruit ooo, my boobs were big . You remember those days that girlsjust wear their school uniforms over their panties and or the big girls wears ‘vest’ or ‘singlets’ (or shimi).Yours truly was already a proud owner of strapless bras(they were not padded ones….lol). The funny thing was that I couldn’t even remember the make of those bras guess because I was very young.
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The first time I saw grandmother red………. I was 9 years old . You see I am the last born of my family and I was a sort of tomboy. All my friends were guys and I climb trees a lot. It was during the holidays and I was on the tree as usual with my buddies when I felt wetness in my pants. I went to check it out and when I saw blood I called my buddies for an inspection and diagnosis. They all ran away thinking I had wounded my self during the tree climbing process. I cried home and met my brother(boys they say will always be boys) who organized a sanitary towel for me and I went back to my buddies with the full gist of what happened and everyone of us checked my panties every 30minutes for new stuff(crazy se?lawl!!!!!!!!!!!!). My mum was in the UK then and when she was told that her baby had started seeing her monthly stuff she called me for a training session on the phone……don’t touch boys, cut off the relationship with all your buddies blah blah blah. Trust yours truly now, I relayed every message to my peeps and concluded it with if any of them smile at me na belle ooo….lol.The funny part was that i never knew how to monitor my cycle all because I was very young. Was later taken to the hospital cos my parents were not comfortable with the age thing and the doctor said I will start my menopause early ( so I should be encouraged to must marry early!) but here I am 19 years after still single like letter I but mumsy reminds me whenever she has the opportunity (lol).
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My first day in secondary school, I cried all day as I was a big baby ( and that was the trend thru out my first term). My classmate felt I was very old as they were still in their pants whereas your truly was a bra wearing J.S.S 1 student ….. funny oo . How many people will I tell that I was just going to be 10 years old? I was the last student on my class roll during the assembly cos I was bigggggggggg. The thought of this embarrassment almost made me to stop school oo (that was deinately a pretty joke because of Mumsy
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The first time I bought some set of pants for my self was awesome and unforgettable. You see my mum used to buy pants for me o and she buys boxers (lol!) You know those kinds of pants that start from the stomach and ends around your thighs….lol. She says a lady's pants must cover all. So the first time I bought one for my self ...........hmmmmm,it was a g-string/thong (laughs!) in defiance to my mum. The first time I wore it I was looking all around me because I felt naked thot every one saw my butts (after wearing boxer for almost 20years…what else would you expect?) I just wish you can see the look on my mother’s face anytime she sees me wears those gees (lol) ..but as 2face sang; ’ as you see me so I NO SEND U ooo’ any more. Laughs!
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The first time I made ‘Amala’….. I still have the scars on my leg . Men it was horrible I poured the whole mixture on my legs while trying to turn it .Funny now when I think of it but aint funny then because I cried so much.
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The first time I was robbed (will definitely be the last time in Jesus name, even the thot alone makes me shudder!). The gang leader asked me for my bag and my gullible self tried to look up at him to explain that another fella had it. Mennnnnn the guy landed me a slap between my right eye and cheekbone (I guess the guy wore a ring or somin) because ordinary slap shouldn’t be as destructive as that (lol). I saw the popular stars that we see in cartoons and I couldn’ t see with the eye for a week. I mean if ordinary light rays reflects near the eye, head ache will start immediately. It was a terrible experience.
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The first time I boarded a plane? It was terrifying, just 45mins but my eardrum was practically blocked for the whole journey. But I survived and I am used to it now.Train nko? Spent three days from Ibadan to Abeokuta (a 45mins trip on a normal day). I had fun sha but the memory was a bit blurred as I was rather small.
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The first time on a pedestrian bridge, I was just reciting our Lord’s prayers till I crossed over. Still scared of the stuff till now. My style is to stare ahead and not look down before I go summersault inside express road.
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The first time grandmother red refused to show face….. my mama hala no be small. Na me carry my mouth go tell say I no see my visitor ooo .I knew say I no get belle as I had heeded her advice to run away from boys. She ranted and screamed murder, fire and brimstone then concluded that we were going to see the doctor the following day. I think the shout forced grandma to show face that same day ooo (im dey too fear my mama abi…lol!)
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My first day at work, I woke up by 3am after a sleepless nite, sha managed to roll on the bed till 6am then I wore my clothes ( over dressed oo) and resumed to the office only to see people whispering about me. It was later that I was told that I dressed like an undergraduate having been selecting and re-selecting the clothes 2 weeks before resumption.
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The first time I went to a nite party was hilarious. I went with my gurls and we came back to the hostel around 3am and we had to ‘scale’ the fence. Everyone climbed without an itch but na yours truly scatter everything. As I tried to jump through, my skirt caught the iron whatever on the fence and my hand slipped. Next thing na gbosa I hear for ground , I screamed and my hostel matron heard the noise. I had to manage to climb thru fast before she catches me as she would have reported me to my mum (them be close paddy). The following day she called a meeting and started sparking face, blah blah blah and that why can’t any of the girls be like me( can you imagine!) who is a quiet girl and always avoiding trouble. If looks could kill I wouldn’t have been alive today as those girls were just eyeing me.
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The first time I kissed……I opened my mouth wide as if i was the predator trying to eat up my prey. But I am much better now (definitely at my age and size now ….lol). Abi you want proof?
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My first crush…. The boy was feeling me too (or so I thot) but we were too young to do any thing about it. He is just too fine( I mean after so many years I now heard he has 4 kids by 4 different women who are all older than him ……I no lie oo) I always walk tall and proud that the most handsome boy in school could feel me. Do you know we never dated? It is now that I realized that maybe all he felt for me was pity for falling for him …………..lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gotta run.

Enjoy!

Random thots

2007-10-01T21:32:00.000+01:00

Hiya!

I travelled to the eastern part of naija some weeks back for a friend's wedding and i decided to go by road partly because yours truly was broke and also because i don't bloody know anywhere in naija.( travelling by air doesn't help matters). Sha i boarded the car (was scared of those luxury buses) and the woman beside me led us to pray and could you believe that we did the prayer session for 90minutes ( i mean one and a half hours!) i had joined in the prayers initially as i was afraid of winch people too but at a point i started getting distracted and i didn't want to show it before it will turn to a deliverance session for me. Most of the prayers were like this ; "Father, konqual (conquer) every evil on the way, on the driver, every other passenger in Jesus name" Don't get me wrong, its good to pray infact i am a God-fearng person but praying for 90mins out of the 360minutes of the journey wetin remain? lol!

A client came to the office the other day ( you know all these pretty boxed up mallams, well educated and handsome? hmmm exactly the picture in your head) sha i learnt he drove in with the latest Toyota Avalon and my security man whispered to me in heavly accented yoruba; 'anti, inu oko yen dabi parlour ni oo' ( aunty, the car interior looks as if it is a proper living room with settee) i laughed and commented to the customer about his car, guess his response? .................... dear, let me come and pick you on sunday to show you the interiors! Arrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh, when the car is outside my office premises and i can see it just by peeping through the window,why wait till sunday ? will i be able to take it home afterwards? My people, please search me o.

Who can help me log on to http://www.mnetafrica.com/ and play the deal or no deal game show for me? i need the 100,000usd fast we will share the money 60-40. fair enough?

I need someone to help me tell multichoice to do this channel shuffle thing during the day time in naija, cos i took time to watch the action plan over the weekend and i learnt that it will take place on 4th October 2007 by 2am naija time and also the decoder must be powered on for the download to be successful. Iam sure they have forgotten the naija factor! PHCN/NEPA. Any thing can and will happen on that day,i am so sure of it(can bet my October salary on it self). I suggest it is done during the daytime here so that we can use our generators ooo and assist them to help us do the shuffle. abi what do you feel?

How come my stomach is not as flat as a dining table? I urgently need a flat tommy (please) don't give the me the exercise story, I lack the zeal and zest for continuity.( You get what i mean ? )

The above reminded me of a pill i read online and i ordered for . Actually i wanted to slim down without exercising or cutting back my chocolate and ice cream intake. sha i got the pill and it was as big as a Size AA battery(1.5volts) and on the container was the inscription;

Recommended for people that wants to slim down but don't want to cut down their food intake
in other words it was for 'alajenus' (gluttons.....lol)

sha, the dosage was 2 tablets (can i call it tablets?) by 11am then another 2 by 3pm daily for the next 60days. (dem wan kill person? swallowing like 4 battries daily can send one to a coma now...........laughs) but becos i had plans i used the drug judiciously for the first 2 weeks of purchase and stopped after that.

The reason why i stopped? hmmmm long story o. i am not a breakfast person normally just take coffee in the morning and i take doughnut and soda in the afternoon (not ordinary doughnuts ooo, the one with chocolate toppings or heavily laced with jam......no abuse me at all can't help myself) but sha i noticed that anytime i take these 'batteries' i must eat in the morning i mean food not snack and i am always starving by afternoon and by the end of the 2 weeks i added like 4kg instead of going down.

I am sure the drug was made by jokers and for other jokers for a big loud joke . It was really crazy.

But if you want to slim down i still have 2 new bottles of these batteries for your consumption.Let me know if you are interested because i will also pay for the shipping (what are friends for ? lol)

Fellow naija people, Happy Independence, please pop champagne and click glasses to celebrate. 47 years no be joke
Enjoy

Help a Sister

2007-09-18T09:16:00.000+01:00

hmmmmmm i need help oooo

Serious one infact this post is with high priority!

I need lectures on how to be more romantic. (Did I hear u laugh?) This is not a joke ooo. It’s a matter of life and death.

I think I am too stiff; I don't relax and don't bloody know how to have fun.

I need to know how to organize a romantic dinner for two under the candle light (without fear of hot wax dripping on my head and making me bald.) You know all those dinner stuff with candles everywhere as if person wan do breakthrough prayers for cele church?

I need to know how to stroll on the beach with my boo without the fear of Atlantic Ocean sweeping me away (I can't even float not to talk of swim). I need to know how to be in a boat ride without squeezing my face in terror because of all evil thots of drowning going thru my head and whispering the psalm 91.

I need to know how to seat on an astro wheel and clinging to my boo instead of holding on to the railings (as if my life depends on it) with a high pitch scream filled with fear.

I need to know how to sing love song and dance all night like they do in Indian films (remember Dharmendra ) or my Igbo brothers in Home muvee.

I need to know if i should send flowers or chocolate (abi na cigar?) to him? i am a big joker right? laughs!

I need to know how to look into my boo’s eyes all day whispering sweet nothing without blinking or thinking in my heart what the f**k am I doing here, checking my wrist watch to confirm how many minutes we’ve spent idle or wondering if my baby will think I am doing drugs as my eye color signifies that.

I need to know how to organize surprise dinner (breakfast and lunch is out of the question except i wan loose my job!) for my baby without checking my account balance or using my mental calculator to have an idea of how much I am left with by EOM (End of Month).

I need to know how to order gifts for my baby on a normal day even when it is not Christmas, his birthday, our anniversary or Easter.( i am a mixed breed and ijebu blood seem the most prominent.....haha haha)

I need to know how to end every telephone conversation with ‘I love you baby’, ‘Miss you so much’ etc and every chat with kiss, love and hug emoticons without thinking if if i a bug don chop yours truly or somin.

I need to know how to go to muvee with my baby without trying to stifle a yawn or two after a hard day’s work and also look cheerful without a puffy eye or tiredness well spelt out on my face.

I need to know how to use words like , baby, sweet,honey, sweetheart,sugar,soda or cookies (lol) etc instead of calling him his full name with his surname togther. (all his 3 names comes to mind when i am fuming.)

I need so many other love tips

Who will help me?

Mumsy!

2007-09-11T12:06:00.000+01:00

Suuuuupppppppppppppppp?

I’m ok and feeling cool with myself. This time of the month is my best moments because everybody for don finish their money (especially salary people) and so customers come into my office in trickles. I always pray and hope for these rare moment where banking halls can be turned to football pitch without any lele. (If my management hear or see this ‘peeren’, a new person don join job-seekers association be that …..Lol)

I don’t know how I remembered this gist but I think it was because my Mum called me this morning to say hi and pray her normal long prayers for me.( marriage, good family and children….lol!)

Mummy yours truly is a wonderful woman very nice and a mother every one can wish for and she is a cheerful giver despite been an Ijebu Woman. She gives her all. If we organize gigs in our house, my Mum will make sure every one eat and also pack the food for them as take away, both cooked and raw foods ooo but……… ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Mumsy buru baje (my mum is a disciplinarian.......Lol!) She should have been a MOPOL or rather maybe she was one in her first life. The fear of my Mum is the beginning of wisdom. While my Dad was very soft and gentle my Mum is very strict and firm.

I think my Mum has a black belt in taekwando (is the spelling correct?) and she did not let us know or somin. If you offend my Mum small, ahhhhhhhhhh! come and see action (Jet-li self no demo reach Mummy yours truly) she will throw what ever she is wearing on her feet, wedge, platform or cloggs and catch it mid air and the next thing is that you a hear “konnnnnn” sound (echo) on your head and you start seeing stars ******** . God will help you and you scream, series of punishment will follow immediately , stoop down ( don’t even know how to pronounce or spell it self either way it is not an easy punishment sha) , sitting in comfort ( your back against the wall, and your two hands stretched in front of you and your knees bent…. Crazy!) Or frog jump. My mum is creative when it comes to punishments.

I have plenty gist about her while growing up. Being the last born in the family gave me some rights and privileges but I was still not spared by my Mum. Can you imagine that all the house help we had while growing up never washed our (me and my egbons) plates as a matter of house rule? My Mum’s slogan is that she is not breeding lazy children. I used to wonder why we employ house helps that don’t do house chores (now i know why the least person spent 6 years with us… who no like better thing? Alikas). My Mum can communicate with you with her eyes all day without uttering a single word. Ahhhhhh, mummy yours truly is as good as that. If you go out and she doesn’t want you to eat she will roll her eyes up and down the message is sent and well decoded by her kids (No eating, no matter what ….lol!) If you feel your head is well positioned on your neck go and eat the food …. You will not forget the outcome in a hurry. When I remember my Mum and her commands, Captain Von Trapp (Sounds of Music) comes to mind.

I remember one particular incident; I think I didn’t feel like going to school that day as I had been throwing tantrums all morning and Mum shouted at me to get inside the car as she was ready to go . Yours truly now transferred the aggression to my immediate senior brother. I started complaining that I wanted to seat by the door (In a car with four doors ooo…..omo na mental case.lol) and my brother had actually sat there, sha a fight ensued (I no sabi fight at all) and I got a good trashing ,so I started screaming and crying in the car (yeepaaaaaaa, mistake of a life time!) My Mum did not utter a single word in all these oo. She just did as if the noise was not coming from her car.

After driving for like 15mins, she just packed and roared that we should both come down from her car ( just like that without lele!) We scrambled out like rabbits and she sped off, I mean zoomed off, I couldn’t believe it. My brother had some money on him and so he called the next available cab and went to school. I stood there thinking my Mum will turn back or reverse or somin but she never came back. By that time, I understood what been stranded is all about and I knew I was in deep sh*t with no money on me(I don't know how to save and my motto is always “today I see” especially on money matters.) I had only an option slap it to school or back home. I had to take the latter as my school was a rather long distance from my house ( no be small thing). I started the Journey of the Magi back home and all sort of ideas were going through my head but the most fearful and dreadful of them was; what will happen when I see my mum in the evening after school?( that alone sent Holy shivers down my spine….lol) Fast forward, got home did a play reconstruction for my Pop and he took me to school ( got to school that day around 10am) I expressed my fears about Mumsy to Dad and I think he spoke with her as she did not say a single word about the whole issue till today and on my part fear dey catch me to talk am self. The good side is that I have never again engaged in any physical fight since then because my brain no gree erase the info. I call it mumsy shock.

But my mumsy is getting old now and when her Grand children frolic round her I wonder how she can relax and play with them. I mean when you have a visitor in my house every other person must disappear except the person receiving the visitor. She says it is lack of courtesy to gist with your egbons friends. You know as a child, you can have crush or even likeness for your family friends but you dare not sit with them and laugh because if mumsy catches you, O.Y.O(on your own)

The worst you can do to my mum is when she now allows you to relax with her friend ( on special days o) and they are gisting and you feel you have an idea in your head to contribute, Mummy yours truly is online real time because as the idea is coming out of you mouth heavy knock is hitting your head or mouth or wherever is closer to her and other punishment resumes when both of you are alone.

I feel all these really contributed in shaping my life and has made me a well brought up lady with good manners and someone who understands sign language (lol….. we no get deaf and dumb for my family but we can all decode signs and signals). And I appreciate my mum for those constant, consistent and unrelenting efforts to make us cool kids. lol!

The funny part is that I am a replica of my mum in almost everyway but I dread the Captain Von Trapp part ..........lol!I pray I don’t take after her in that aspect.

But i no fit know that until I start having kids?

Hmmmmmmmm…….. Food for thought.

Scoin- Scoin,my own share.

2007-09-03T07:59:00.000+01:00

Sorry I have been MIA for a while.

Na Malaria hook me completely. Naija and malaria, I’m beginning to think they are both inseparable, maybe naija’s surname na malaria self because it is really getting on the high side. (I will send my blog to Yar’Adua, as I don get the miracle tonic to prevent and cure it make the man make me minister for health or any other ministry I go still eradicate malaria and swallow money….. all join).

I don’t even know who to pay royalty to in using the scoin – scoin word, Please, contact me for the electronic funds transfer for using part of your words but Yours truly has her own share of scoin scoin for reallll.

There was this IM stuff (……..take a deep breath) I jammed one time like that, one user come hook up Yours truly. What actually happened was on that chat I had my real name and come put my papa name join when I signed up initially ( na only my phone no wey no dey no be foolishness be that?) and this joker chat me up sha and im picture and all come and see fine set boy and me I no dey take my big eyeballs see fine boy! he mentioned working with an oil producing firm in naija and as I wan show my logo too, I foolishly tell am I dey work for bank and gullibly mentioned my unit. After I finish chatting with the stupid boy I come forward im picture to my friend to show my new catch .

My friend come ask me where I see the picture of this popular basketball player in America and wanted to know how I take hook up celebrity online. Chei!!!!!!!! This loser don play fast one on me. Agabaya! Isiewu head, Olori Eja.I am sure the silly boy will be ROFL because of my naivety and foolishness, he don see mumu for Lagos. Oniranu.I thank God that my PC was recently replaced after the old one crashed so I never get time upload my pictures because I for don forward my beaurriiffulllll face to am. But the thing pain me ehhnnn no be small thing. Scoin-scoin part 1

Sha I made up my mind that na my friends alone go know my identity for all these IMs.Before I divert from the main scoin scoin so this bloke chatted me up and I told him I work in a cyber café and gave all kind of story to present a picture of a struggling ,desperate and upcoming chic. After chatting for two days ooo im come tell me make I come sleep in his house the following weekend. Just imagine! He said he will send me money to call him on a pay phone (as I don bobo am say thief don steal my phone) when I get to his area for direction.

Bloke: So I will be expecting you.

Yours Truly: no problem, since I have your no I will call you when I get to your area. But I hope you can wake me up in the night.

Bloke: Why do I need to wake you up?

Yours truly: I need to take my drugs on time or better still if your alarm is in good condition I can make use of it.

Bloke: Do you have malaria?

Yours truly: Nope

Bloke: So what is wrong with you?

Yours truly: Nothing out of the ordinary

Bloke: Tell me now .wassap?

Yours truly: it’s not what you think. Just need to take my retroviral that’s all

Bloke: Retro what?

Yours truly: Retroviral drug

Bloke: Is it not the drug people living with HIV use?

Yours truly: Something like that.

I was lmao at the other end. Sick boy! I should come and sleep in his house after 2 days of chatting online? The bloody boy doesn’t even know my surname and he is inviting me over. That was the last conversation I had with him. Anytime I buzz him he will appear offline fast. I am sure he will be thanking his stars for shielding him against getting HIV\AIDS not knowing I just wanted to display the crazy stuff I was made of. Scoin scoin part 2.

I am sure we all have an idea of how bankers dress up looking like a models out of GQ magazine ( even if na tokunbo suit dem where…..lol!). This day I had baffed up to my throat and was feeling hype with myself. I remembered being the middle of a funny conversation with my colleagues when all of a sudden I roared with laughter and the next thing I heard was a not too loud but audible pppppssssiiiiiiiisssssssssssssss. I was like what d f**k until I saw everyone staring at me then I realised yours truly had released poisonous bio-nuclear gas. Mennn! It was terrible. I knew my late father and God will never allow my enemies to rejoice over me o. The mess no smell plenty it was kinda ‘tush’ not an ‘ajepako’ type or I for don fast and pray for a transfer from my office. I quietly excused my self and went back to my seat (I was walking like chucky’s bride or rather baby alawo as shame don overwhelmed me).Scoin-scoin part 3.

Final scoin scoin for today was when I got a job in 2002, I had followed the crazy fashion of wearing million braids (which took me bloody 3 days to finish as my head big no be small) so when it was time to loose am (around Christmas ) no saloon gree help me when they saw what was on my head and my head size. Sha Yours truly come cut the hair completely and I started wearing Angelique Kidjo style. Fast forward small, I was getting tired of the low cut so I decided to start grooming my hair back. One weekend like that I didn’t have time to make the hair and I decided to carry afro to work. Mennnn! That was the mistake of a lifetime. Let me describe my hair texture to you so that you can imagine my scoin scoin level….. My hair is strong thick and hard direct opposite of soft and silky (and my heartbeat likes rubbing it……. I can imagine what is going through his head while doing that....lol!). Coarse is the word and strong like kan-kan onigi (wooden sponge).

When I sha got to work on Monday my oga ( one ponkious woman like that ) called me and yab me no be small and after much ado about something, she come send me home oooo. She say I no go fit face customer with the bird nest on my head. Mennnnnn! it was bad. But when I think about it I laugh it off and think I should have recorded the whole joke and send to Zone Reality TV maybe I can be featured in the funny programme ‘what were you thinking?’

Omo na mental case…… kolo mental for reallll!

Gotta go .Please I want to tattoo my body, where can I put it and what do I draw write on my body?

Love
Yours truly.

Mid-Life Crisis

2007-08-20T13:42:00.000+01:00

hey wassup?
Sorry i've been away for a while . I have been awfully busy. se e binu si mi?
i feel very tired, little things irritates me and have this headache hitting me hard for over a week now. is it possible for me to be experiencing mid-life crisis when i am just 28? what is wrong with yours truly? (its definately not that disease wey dey your head) and i no get belle. well maybe my case na "half or one-third mid life crisis", na kolo (God forbid evil thing) or maybe na rest i need, unfortunately no vacation for moi till next year. big brother no go gree.

remembering the good old days when i still be "ayange", once we get party for my high school then , na yours truly dey always open floor. infact i could do "running man" dance step far better than Bobby Brown himself ( i swear!) before you say jack smith, as the spirit leads me , i don enter floor dey roll like winch wey wan manifest or "jog" as if maria mutola wan run for olympics . can u imagine that now i no fit shake my waist for party again? na only 'taka-sufe'(taps & whistle) and sing along i fit do now.
i miss you baby .143 darln

These "boys" self

2007-08-16T11:22:00.000+01:00

let me share a conversation i had online with a "boy". he had earlier invited yours truly out on a date & i have been posting him, Enjoy ;
boy: meanwhile, are u gonna be free this wknd?
yours truly: eya! nope, have a birthday party on sat & will see my bf (my heartbeat) on sun.
boy: lol , wot is that ? u can see him on sunday & still hook up with me i m sure he knws u have friends.besides a bf may not be the end of it(see im mouth, bf is definately the end of everything now)
yours truly: u know i will go to church & get back a bit late .so i will not be free to see u
boy: stop this bf drama make it for 3pm $ leave at 5pm (craze material,commanding me on top asking me for a date. what is this world turning too self?)
yours truly: sorry it is not this weekend (getting angry...... what's up with this boy?na by force i go chop lunch .these boys self , dem don tire me! )

joblessness

2007-08-15T12:20:00.000+01:00

you know d way getting a new pair of shoe will make you want to wear am before you sleep? (yours truly actually wear her new shoes to sleep incase armed robbers go come thief am b4 morning.....laughs!!!!) na so this blog thing dey do me. did i hear u say local chic? indeed u are very correct.

there is this story i heard today about "he goat ,ewure or ewu soup" that i can't help but to share with you. if i want to cook goat meat soup is it not for me to buy the goat meat and put am inside stew( i sabi cook well well o) but this family go wash he-goat face inside water and use the water to cook the soup. dem talk say that kind soup is more tasty than cooking with goat meat (see me see wahala )

You don chop that kind goat soup before?

blog later guys, big brother is watching.( tell u more about big brother soon.)

local chic

2007-08-15T10:42:00.001+01:00

i wonder what i am doing in lagos when i am as local as this. I tried to post something now and it went to my draft(i did not ask the system to save it ooo i swear) how i go get am back. help yours truly(aka local chic)

moi

2007-08-15T09:17:00.000+01:00

hello all ,
i am rather new to blogging and it's realy cool .lets just say i am ME and u can call me Elcee. Yours truly is an "exin-trovert"(i am sure nobody can understand that engrish lol!!..... combines both introvert and extrovert together). as we get along better you will get to know me.